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JoeyCat
Felis Dominatus

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5736
Post Ummm JEB, I need to talk to you

You see, after Fred ate your mouse, ummm I think he somehow got mine. It hasn't worked right ever since.

Please tell me you didn't let him into my house.

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Old Post 08-24-2000 07:41 AM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
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I keep telling him to shoot that flea bag...
Better check your underwear drawer if you think Fred has been in the house Joey. Unless you don't own anything but crotchless panties already.

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Old Post 08-24-2000 08:09 AM
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JoeyCat
Felis Dominatus

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5736
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Wonder, took your advice. I now own ONLY crotchless panties.

JEB, I want that damned dog!

update: The cat just had puppies. When I get my hands on that dog...
------------------
Boo!

Sig courtsey of Dead_Inside, My Head Bitch

[This message has been edited by Joeycat (edited 08-24-2000).]

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Old Post 08-24-2000 03:15 PM
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Pangloss
feu follet

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: 54.60°N 5.70°W
Posts: 1950
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You'll get a nasty draught in the winter Joey. Would you like to borrow an old pair of my Homer Simpson shorts? They have a picture of Homer looking at my large penis saying "Nuts. Mmmmm, doughnuts."

------------------
I gave myself to sin, I gave myself to providence,
And I've been there and back again, the state that I am in ...

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Old Post 08-24-2000 03:20 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Registered: Jul 2000
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Thumbs up

quote:
Originally posted by Joeycat:
Wonder, took your advice. I now own ONLY crotchless panties.

JEB, I want that damned dog!

update: The cat just had puppies. When I get my hands on that dog...



Dearest Joeycat, regarding the crotchless panties--that's the way ol' JEB likes 'em, FIRE IN THE HOLE!

Umm, and congratulations on your cat giving birth. You referred to them as puppies, but don't you think it more appropriate to call them, say...puppitties?

p.s. If you get any money for 'em, I want half, okay? Amen.

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Old Post 08-24-2000 05:39 PM
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JoeyCat
Felis Dominatus

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5736
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Ok JEB, you can have half....less the cost of new undies of course. By the way, I'm calling the Guinness Book of Records, as Joey is a male and has no business giving birth.

I'll save the crotchless numbers for you. I think you'll look especially fine in the blue satin

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Old Post 08-24-2000 05:56 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Umm, Joeycat? I got to thinkin' about that litter o' puppies, puppitties...whatever, that your cat Joey just had. Something just wasn't adding up. I think I've finally figured out what it is--Fred isn't the culprit.

During the period of conception, Fred was in obedience school (yes, he flunked out a month later, but that's beside the point). If you will think back hard enough, you should recall that was the same time that jackass Wonderaz house-sit for you while you went on that 4-week canoe trip up the Amazon.

I didn't think anything of it at the time, because you never know for sure whether that jackass is telling the truth or hallucinating. Anyway, when you returned from your trip, ol' Wonderaz came struttin' into the rest home like he'd won the lottery, or sumpin'. I finally asked him what the deal was. With a twinkle in his eye, he gave his crotch a squeeze, then said in a voice for all to hear, "While you've been sittin' here pickin' your nose, I've been nailin' that pussy night 'n' day fer four weeks straight!"

Naturally, I pressed him for details, but he just gave me the knowing wink and glance, beeped his cods again, then strutted off like a goddamn rooster. He hasn't shut his damn mouth since, constantly braggin' about all that "pussy" he nailed.

Methinks you have a litter of ass-bred wonderkitties--truly an abomination. I'd call a witchdoctor, if I were you. Amen.

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Old Post 08-24-2000 09:59 PM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
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HORSESHIT!!!! You know damned good and well that I was bagging that widow and her sister across the street from Joey. I even showed you the pics of them I took during that laundry room free-for-all we had.
That damn fuckhound flunked out of Obedience School for constantly escaping and running over to Joey's! Hell, he was shagging everthing that moved on his forays. There is going to be a whole trail of Fredlets popping up over that 3 mile run in the next few weeks and you are just trying to divert the blame away from your precious flea factory and put it on me. We are talking pupitties, pupponies, puplambies, pupazaleas, pupnuns, pupbeetles... Man you are going to be facing the largest class action pupternity suit in the history of the world!!!!
Oh, JEB the twins said Hi by the way, apparently they stopped by the rest home the other day when I was out (broke down as usual in you piece of shit pickup which I wish you would trade in so I could borrow something that runs for a change) and asked to see you but you were in "time out" for getting drunk and pissing in the lobby fish tank again.

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Old Post 08-24-2000 10:31 PM
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JoeyCat
Felis Dominatus

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5736
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Ok, fair warning. Tomorrow morning at 9 I have an appointment at the city DNA lab. I'm having the err babies tested. If you should happen to see two big guys in white coats at the rest home, do not be alarmed. They are simply there to swab Wonder and Fred for the paternity test.

I also plan of filing papers against the father for support and mental & physical distress on behalf of joey. He's been sitting in the corner drooling ever since the blessed event.

Do you people have any idea how much it costs to put a cat in a mental facility?

JEB, I expect full cooporation on your part. Please make sure that Fred and Wonder are both available at the appointed hour. I don't care what you have to do to secure them, I will not be deterred.

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Old Post 08-24-2000 11:01 PM
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wonderaz
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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
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quote:
Originally posted by Joeycat:

Do you people have any idea how much it costs to put a cat in a mental facility?





Ask JEB what he pays for Fred. Probably be half of that.

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Old Post 08-24-2000 11:15 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Thinkin’ about you, dear Joeycat. ❤ ❤ ❤

Amen.

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Old Post 02-28-2018 01:27 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
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Me too, dear Joeycat.

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Old Post 03-02-2018 04:52 AM
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J E B Stuart
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quote:
Originally posted by wonderaz
HORSESHIT!!!! You know damned good and well that I was bagging that widow and her sister across the street from Joey. ...
Yeah, that widow Myrtle and her sister Velma were two-baggers, alright. Ya jackass.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-04-2018 07:04 PM
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GoFuckYourselves!
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No, Jeb, you missed the point when he said he was bagging those ladies. He was working at the grocery store bagging their groceries.

He also was begging them. Begging them to sit on his face.

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Old Post 03-10-2018 11:20 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Yeah, that jackass wonderaz begged ‘em for a lot o’ things. What that idiot didn’t know is they’d gotten rich runnin’ their own cathouse decades earlier, but they managed to stay under the radar.

I am sure the jackass’s pitiful begging amused them greatly.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-11-2018 10:58 PM
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GoFuckYourselves!
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Indeed. They all laughed at him...with that ridiculous brassiere.

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Old Post 03-12-2018 07:49 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Yeah, your mention of that nasty red brassiere brings to mind a so-called self-defense for ladies class (what does s-c-a-m spell?) that jackass wonderaz promoted years back. He called it the “Big Red Davy Method”, claiming it was based upon the story of David & Goliath.

Well, his jackassedness somehow managed to finagle permission to set up shop in the basement of the Pentecostal House of Holy Words. His first class was set for a Monday evening at 7:00 p.m. Reverend Ditmarr got the word out to the women of the congregation that Sunday during services (the jackass promised a ten percent tithe to the church).

You already know this did not end well. Shall I continue?

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 04-19-2018 12:58 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
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10% tithe?? HA! The Jackass stole all church tithings and deigned to offer them 10% of that money! They got a little suspicious when they saw the red brassiere strap under his shirt.

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Old Post 04-20-2018 04:06 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Ehhh. You don’t know the half if it, Herk.

Shall I continue?

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 04-20-2018 08:28 PM
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GoFuckYourselves!
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By all means.

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J E B Stuart
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I dunno. I’ll have to think about it now.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 04-21-2018 06:34 PM
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GoFuckYourselves!
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Think about what?

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Old Post 04-23-2018 02:05 AM
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J E B Stuart
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What do you think?

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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GoFuckYourselves!
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I do??

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Old Post 04-24-2018 04:16 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Yes, Herk. To be precise, you do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti-poop.

Amen.

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