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absolut
one sock

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sydney
Posts: 2570
My first quasi amusing Christmas forward

If I get any more supposedly heartwarming stories I will throw up.

A little Christmas cheer for all from the Australian Bureau of Statistics:

*31 Australians have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

*19 Australians have died in the last 3 years by eating Christmas
decorations they believed were chocolate.

*Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
incidents.

*101 Australians since 1997 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

*18 Australians had serious burns in 1998 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.
*A massive 543 Australians were admitted to casualty in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth or eye socket.

*5 Australians were injured last year in accidents involving out of
control scalextric cars.

*3 Australians die each year testing if a 9V battery works on their tongue.

*142 Australians were injured in 1998 by not removing all the pins from new shirts.

*58 Australians are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. and finally:

*8 Australians cracked their skull in 1997 after falling asleep
(passing out) while throwing up into the toilet.

YEP! its great to be Australian!

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Old Post 12-08-2004 08:26 AM
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Avondale
oh hello

Registered: Sep 2000
Location:
Posts: 8630

australians are fucking stupid

who opens their beer bottle with their eye socket? aside from idiots of course.

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Old Post 12-08-2004 04:45 PM
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Tray
confidence trickster

Registered: May 2002
Location: blessed oblivion
Posts: 1647

quote:
*A massive 543 Australians were admitted to casualty in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth or eye socket.

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Old Post 12-08-2004 04:58 PM
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skalie
Locksmith of Lurve

Registered: Sep 2001
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 18923

How the fuck do you die from licking a 9-volt battery?

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Old Post 12-08-2004 08:12 PM
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memdink
spasm of violence

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: ral3igh
Posts: 5307

Freak out and fall down smashing your head and face on furniture as you fall.

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Old Post 12-08-2004 08:21 PM
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skalie
Locksmith of Lurve

Registered: Sep 2001
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 18923

That's more the fault of the furniture than the battery.

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Old Post 12-08-2004 08:22 PM
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Oracular_Jinx
Old hag

Registered: Oct 2001
Location: In a place that is mostly too hot or too cold.
Posts: 3253

That's what I asked. The best we can figure over here is that they spasmed in shock (just of the feeling, not so much because of the electricity) and choke on it.

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Old Post 12-08-2004 08:25 PM
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memdink
spasm of violence

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: ral3igh
Posts: 5307

I can't imagine a 9v battery causing one to spasm at all, but I suppose it happens. Maybe it's battery acid poisoning or a defective battery could explode when shorted against a tongue.

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Old Post 12-08-2004 08:31 PM
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skalie
Locksmith of Lurve

Registered: Sep 2001
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 18923

So we're calling bullshit on this one?

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Old Post 12-08-2004 08:32 PM
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memdink
spasm of violence

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: ral3igh
Posts: 5307

Dude, she got it in an email. It's unquestionably factual. Our charge is putting the pieces together.

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Old Post 12-08-2004 08:34 PM
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skalie
Locksmith of Lurve

Registered: Sep 2001
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 18923

Saw a mate of mine get thrown 2 meters backwards by a 100 or more of those fuckers, probably still has the scars, kill him, it didn't.

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Old Post 12-08-2004 08:36 PM
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Dreamengineer
Master of Dumbfuckery

Registered: Jan 2001
Location: here stupid!
Posts: 1908

quote:
Originally posted by skalie
How the fuck do you die from licking a 9-volt battery?


it wasnt the licking that killed them, it was more to do with the battery getting stuck after they swallowed it

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Old Post 12-08-2004 11:16 PM
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Coincidence
Counterfeit

Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Sun
Posts: 33020

quote:
An email currently in circulation attributing unusual causes of death and injury at Christmas to the Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) is a hoax, believed to have started via the Internet.

As occurred last year, some media outlets have fallen victim to the hoax by not checking the story and have run it with incorrect attribution.

Therefore please note that the ABS has not published these figures and they should not be sourced to the ABS.

Please adjust any further reporting accordingly.

The official Deaths and Causes of Deaths publication will be released by the ABS on Tuesday, 10 December 2002.


Meh

This is the real deal. Woah.

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Old Post 12-09-2004 12:38 AM
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buddha's penis
has it all

Registered: Apr 2001
Location: 0.50
Posts: 10035

hint: email forwards are always lies.

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Old Post 12-09-2004 12:48 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 34921

Regardless, OZ 'n' NZ are cool. As soon as possible after I give all my shit away, I'm payin' a visit.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 12-09-2004 12:54 AM
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Coincidence
Counterfeit

Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Sun
Posts: 33020
Fwd:

quote:
Originally posted by buddha's penis
hint: email forwards are always lies.

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You're in the wrnght place.

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Old Post 12-09-2004 01:01 AM
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iglo
27

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: sydney
Posts: 2207

Coincidence = Spoilsport

Sorry that was me - absolut
Ruined the sleekness of the post.

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Old Post 12-18-2004 11:14 AM
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