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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524
Nurse Boucher before she went "legit"



Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-07-2005 05:08 AM
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T
tiTalating Revelator...

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Behind this monitor.
Posts: 6672

Singing asshole

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Old Post 06-08-2005 12:03 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524
Thumbs up

quote:
Originally posted by T
Singing asshole

Now, that's sumpin' that's sure to tickle aminal's discriminating 'n' sophisticated funnybone.

Yer a genius, T.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-08-2005 04:43 PM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524
Man's best buddy



Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-12-2005 09:55 PM
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Large Filipino
Fuck me hard in my arse.

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 53109

That dog rules.

__________________

I want a Trump sex doll.
I would throw it in a Orangutan enclosure
And watch the orgy.

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Old Post 06-12-2005 11:12 PM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524

quote:
Originally posted by Large Filipino
That dog rules.

I rather think this dog rules:



Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-15-2005 07:33 AM
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Nutrimentia
plata o plomo

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: The Bottom of the Toyem Pole
Posts: 9603

quote:
Once upon at time, I was browsing through alt.sex.bondage
and therein I found a "Guide for Slaves" posted by "rage".

I read through this guide, when under punishments I found this gem:

[Punishment] #25 -
"Smear a dildo with lubricant and sprinkle it with red pepper.
Insert it into your ass and enjoy the crashing waves of pain.
(Only for the truly daring. Serious enthusiasts only.)"

I think to myself: HA! That's just right for me. [1]
::now saying in a manly deep voice:: Hey, I'm a *real* man.
I can stand this. I am tough and *real* hardcore. ::thumping chest::

So I got a tampon [2](no, back then, I didn't have a dildo ),
smeared liberally it not with red pepper, *but* red Tobasco sauce.
(Yes, I *am* a man..) The stuff didn't soak easily into the tampon,
so it kept running onto my hands.

Moving to my knees, I bent forward as if worshipping Glub. Taking
the now soaked TobascoTampon(tm), I shoved it deep into my rectum.
Even the string that was dangling out was soaked in the red liquid.
Taking my reeking Tobasco hands, I rubbed them against my bunghole.

Hmm. It started to get warm. I rubbed my asshole a little.
It felt good.

It got warmer. Oh... I think I like this. ::sigh:: Pleasant.
I was stroking my choad. Oh Oh... ::moan::


The heat builds..it gets hot. Yeah. That's what I want.
Oh... stronger. Yeah, show it to me. I had now a happy face.

Now it gets even hotter. I'm tough. I'm real tough.
Yeah, that's what I like, give it to me, yeah, yeah.
I have a blissful face. The eyes closed, fantasizing.
(No, I won't tell about the rubber clad dominatrix, not this time.)

Then...BLAM!! A FUCKING THERMONUCLEAR FUSION BOMB EXPLODED IN MY
ASSHOLE.
My eyes were wide open. Very wide. My face had
a surprised expression. Just like the face you would have,
if you'd shower, drop your soap, bend down, only to be
suddenly and violently butt-fucked by an 300 ton elephant.
I yanked the tampon ("OUCH OUCH OUCH") out. My whole colon was
twitching in agony and pain. I felt like I was being impaled with
a red hot glowing poker into my anus. My face was twisted and
distorted by the crashing waves of pain. No ma'am that's not
funny. I bit in the pillow. Nothing helped to fight this
fire that was growing stronger. I felt my sphincter melting as if
it were being treated by a blowtorch. Terrible amounts of pain drove
my sexual arousement away.

No...WAIT...STOP...
The blowtorch had now turned into an oxygen lance....
charring my colon and flesh.

I *ran*, no I *FLEW* into the shower. Ice-cold water.
I let it spray onto my ass, and used soap.
Suddenly, the *real* tough man was turned into a screaming
banshee: "OWWWWAAAAOOOAHHH *DUMB FUCK* *ME DUMB FUCK*"
My once hard-looking face had turned into a pain-twisted
grimace.

But the lava elixir was deep in my skin and my bunghole. All
of me smelled like tobasco. I wanted to rub it out with my index
finger. But as I touched my burning sphincter, my newly acquired
rectal volcano broke out with fierce intensity.

So I stood there in the shower, the ice-cold water touched
my anus, controlling the pain. A little.

Eventually (after 300 years) the pain ebbed. (I guess all
the nerves were killed by the evil tobasco). My whole body
smelled like this devilish liquid.
I dragged myself, wet as I was, onto my bed
My whole body was exhausted. Just like after a 100-hour
fuck fest. Dead but happy. I was feeling quite normal, but
compared to the previous feelings, this felt *extremely* good.

Then I slept.

For the next few days I was constipated and could still smell the
stench of tobasco. When finally the turds came, they
had this very familiar odor, the same one my farts had.


This was the worst pain in the butt I had ever experienced in my
entire life. And trust me. I've done *lots* of things.

Six months later, I did it again.


BurntEyeballs


[1] Note: I had rubbed my genitals and asshole with alcohol
on several times. It was just like a bite. Sharp, pain, for
a short time. The problem is that my skin was getting dry.
It developed little flakes, just like dandruff. In order to
increase the effect, sometimes I shaved and rubbed my anus and
choad. I think the spooge had some alcohol too. Too bad,
since minors weren't allowed to swallow it. *sigh*

[2] Note: Some of you may now think:
"How comes that he did have a tampon at hand"?
Well, I'd just bought some to experiment a little with them.
They'd clog up crappers very well and they expand a little,
when they get wet (e.g. in the anus). You should have seen the
face of the women in the drug-store when I told her:
"I want tampons, maximum size, please"

Oh and kids: Do try this at HOME.

__________________
The Law of Fives is never wrong. CzEch yerself b4 joo rEck yerself. Hi-yo!

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Old Post 06-15-2005 08:53 AM
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dogcow
bruco

Registered: Apr 2005
Location: europa
Posts: 11486

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH P

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"The trick is in what one emphasizes. We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same." ~ Castaneda

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Old Post 06-15-2005 09:12 AM
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Dacarlo
ex-member

Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 15481

Freak. Utter and complete freak.

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Old Post 06-15-2005 11:07 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524

Noot, yer an evil man, haha!

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-16-2005 04:21 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524
The Gerbil Rocket

I believe the following is a perfect compliment to Noot's story:

"In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to save the gerbil," Eric Tomaszewski told the bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital. Tomaszewski and his homosexual partner, Andrew "Kiki" Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong.

"I pushed a cardboard toilet paper tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in," he explained. "As usual, Kiki shouted out 'Armageddon,' which was my cue that he'd reached nirvana, so to speak. I tried to retrieve Raggot, but he simply would not come out, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him."

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next.

"The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas in Kiki's colon. Flames shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski's hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil's fur and whiskers, causing it to scurry further up Kiki's colon. This, in turn, ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, with the resulting explosion propelling the rodent out of the cardboard tube like a cannonball."

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract.

Sadly, Raggot the gerbil did not survive the ordeal.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-17-2005 11:14 PM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524
Flame On

And while we're still on the subject of flaming asses:



Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-22-2005 10:47 PM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524

quote:
Originally posted by Large Filipino
That's the problem with people. We complicate things.
That's why dogs rule. Dogs will fuck anything.
And it's ok.


LF, hope ya don't mind, but that bit o' wisdom o' yers belongs in this here thread.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-24-2005 05:11 AM
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Dacarlo
ex-member

Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 15481

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to
death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable,
when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and
there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back
bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you
can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don't forget "

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smeell like bacon...ees
no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres,
Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens
up, and Luis is cut down in his tracks. It is clear he is mortally
wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his
dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

" Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....

Ees.....

Ees.....

Ees.....

Ees.....

[spoiler]

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Old Post 06-24-2005 02:52 PM
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T
tiTalating Revelator...

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Behind this monitor.
Posts: 6672

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Old Post 06-24-2005 10:07 PM
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T
tiTalating Revelator...

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Behind this monitor.
Posts: 6672

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Old Post 06-24-2005 10:08 PM
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skalie
Locksmith of Lurve

Registered: Sep 2001
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 18906

'

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Old Post 06-24-2005 10:15 PM
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Dacarlo
ex-member

Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
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Old Post 06-25-2005 09:31 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524
By the way . . .

. . . here's a pic of aminal's cat, Mittens, getting her morning bowl of Friskies repacked by Shaun. He's a German Shepard owned by Matt the chav, so I'm told:



Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-25-2005 06:00 PM
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Large Filipino
Fuck me hard in my arse.

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 53109

From the open directory thread..

quote:
Originally posted by Dacarlo
http://sep800.mine.nu/files/screensaver/Fun/

Attachment: bad hunting dog.jpg
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__________________

I want a Trump sex doll.
I would throw it in a Orangutan enclosure
And watch the orgy.

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Old Post 06-26-2005 03:02 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524

quote:
Originally posted by Large Filipino
From the open directory thread..

HAHAHA!!! I simply don't have the heart to tack you with the very thread you posted that image in. So, instead, I'll just have to give you a pernt, ol' pal.

Amen.

p.s. Besides, aminal, it's funny as hell that LF reposted the pic in the same thread. Quite harmonious with the spirit of things, wouldn't ya say, old bean?

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-26-2005 09:01 PM
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SimpleSimon
Dead Horse Rider

Registered: Dec 2002
Location:
Posts: 28686

That is one considerate coon. He is not only pleasuring himself cornholing that beagele, he is giving the beagle a reach-around. Downright civilized of him.

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Old Post 06-26-2005 09:36 PM
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Large Filipino
Fuck me hard in my arse.

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 53109

VIDEO!!!

__________________

I want a Trump sex doll.
I would throw it in a Orangutan enclosure
And watch the orgy.

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Old Post 06-27-2005 04:04 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31524
Talking

quote:
Originally posted by SimpleSimon
That is one considerate coon. He is not only pleasuring himself cornholing that beagele, he is giving the beagle a reach-around. Downright civilized of him.

Oh yeah. Mostly likely a yankee beagle 'n' a Rebel coon.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-27-2005 04:08 AM
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SimpleSimon
Dead Horse Rider

Registered: Dec 2002
Location:
Posts: 28686

Aren't all rebels coons? And only a yankee would keep an effeminate beagle.

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Old Post 06-27-2005 04:10 AM
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