Breakfast today was oatmeal with cinnamon sprinkled and spenda.
I have my host home guy this weekend so no Bally's.
We took the bus downtown and walked up and down 16th street.
It seems rather easy today more than the previous weeks.
I really got bummed out when I saw my reflection in the big windows from my side just how big I've really become. Oh man.
Lunch was at McDonalds. Host home guy got two McDoubles a fry and an orange drink.
I ordered a dollar side salad with that Newman Vinagereete dressing and an unsweetened tea.
He finished before me and wanted my salad.
It was rather crazy because I had ran into an old client of mine from my previous job that was the hardest person I ever had the pleasure to work with.
He was pretty bad. One day while I was on shift he had a bad day during day program and came into the dorm and slashed his artery thru a window and I couldn't fucking dial 911 because I needed to dial 9 then 911.
He was pretty bad and now here is all grown up by himself with his own cell phone.
He asked for my number and I put it on his phone.
I felt rather good he remembered me right away.
He's one I would never forget.
So we were home by 3:00 we had our raincoats and it did rain walking home from the bus.
Wife made a beef roast with home made mashed potatoes and home made gravy and she also made some corn on the cob.
I made a less than human sized portion and ate with my host home guy that had a greater than human sized portion. He was done before me and wanted my plate. I gave him seconds and was still done before me.
But then when I cleaned everything up in the kitchen putting everything away in plastic containers,I put some mashed potatoes in the empied gravy pot and mixed it in there so I don't waste any of it and scarfed it down then when I was putting the roast away I sliced myself another slice. Then I almost grabbed another corn on the cob.
One bad thing about my eating less is that my fridge is getting stockpiled with leftovers and I just hate to throw away food. Then I also don't want to over feed my host home guy he already eats hearty yet remain a regular weight go figure.
I won't weigh myself till Monday.
I still think I did rather good.
One hour tonight on the treadmill 3 miles at 3 MPH didn't slow down.
Tomorrow is the real test for I absolutely love my inlaw's cooking they could open their own Mexican restaurant it's that good.
Just eat slow and get samples of each that's all.
I gotta keep telling myself this.
I better bring my own bottled waters too.
Good chance all they may have is pop and Corona.
Went to my neice in law's 7th birthday party today. Breakfast earlier was oatmeal with cinammon and spenda like yesterday.
I did get two plates for lunch but they were small plates of one hot dog one hamberger patty no bread with a couple of spoonfuls of pork and beans. Host home guy had thirds of everything and I got a little jealous actually.
Then wanting to burn some calories my host home guy and I went for a walk around that park and he swang on the swings. When we finished I find that the clan walked over to the baseball field for a game yes enough people showed up to more than make two teams of nine.
I haven't played in years but my Host home guy sat with the other clan while I played.
It was cool. Every time I was up I would do the Babe Ruth thing pointing to where that ball will go and sure enough there it went.
One time I was up and I pointed to center field and yelled "It's going your way" and sure enough there it went but it was a little low and almost knocked birthday girl's head off.
Oh man I was like sorry sorrry sorry but like the clan didn't know I could play some ball.
I've never done this with them before so they just assumed I suck at everything.
I played barefooted because I was wearing my formal crocs today then when I ran around the bases I had to keep my pants up but I got some cardio in.
I think my dinner tonight will be a small bowl of salad.
I'll cook up something good for my host home guy or maybe my wife will stir something up.
Can't wait till tomorrow.
I'm missing Bally's with the working out and the swimming and that sauna and hot tub man.
The hot tub man.
I woke up a bit late this morning and during the hustle of getting my host home guy ready for day program I had failed to eat breakfast with him. Then I didn't even think about as I did a few minor errands on the way to Bally's so I went without breakfast.
I cannot do that again breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
So 30 minutes on the treadmill heart rate looked rather good machine was giving me a bit of an incline today at 3 mph.
Another 30 minutes on the bike.
Mechanical weights usual machines except I was feeling weight lifty today.
On the mechanical bench I did a set of 10 at 130 pounds then 10 at 145 pounds then a screaming 10 at 160. Then I upped my weights on the other machines I don't even know what you call them all.
Legs aren't sore today but I took it easy with them and kept the weights the same.
15 laps on the swimming pool back strokes then the hot tub and the steam sauna.
My weight today on the shower?
Am I losing the weight too fast?
Or did I really used to eat THAT MUCH?
I do remember days I would scarf 4 burritos wating for my HH guy to come home.
It really is about what you eat and how many calories you burn.
Bike said I burned 96 calories today.
Treadmill says I burned 246.
Then there's the swimming and the weight lifting.
My arms aren't sore.
So no breakfast,lunch was a small salad with vinegerrette dressing,dinner will probably be the leftover beef roast I haven't quite decided yet.
But it will be a less than human portion.
19 pounds in 10 days.
At this rate I'll have my goal before Christmas.
I want a Kryspy Kreme doughnut.
I can't have one.
My body will hate you.
I won't then.
Breakfast today was oatmeal. Then off to Bally's.
30 minutes on the treadmill at 3 mph my heart rate stayed right there at 115 bpm it even started to incline last week it would drop me down to 2.4 mph to adjust for my rising pulse rate that went as high as 140bpm and I use the same machine every time.
30 minutes on the bike I pushed it a little hard today.
I also pushed quite hard the mechanical weights but I didn't get sore.
I think my body is actually adjusting to all this.
I looked at the big mirror in the shower room just looking at my arms.
My arms are big because of the fat but take the fat away and my upper muscles look actually quite large. This is my special superman moment.
20 laps on the pool the last two laps actual conventional swimming.
10 minutes in the hot tub and at least 10 minutes in the steam room.
It's this pool,hot tub and steam room that really gets me motivated here.
Work as hard as you can and you'll be rewarded.
Scale read 272 it's probably a calibration I'm not gonna stress over it I'm way ahead of my planning.
So when I came home I started feeling a bit woozy.
It was strange feeling. Not dizzy just so weak.
I decided to make me a hamberger with barbecue sauce on whole multi grain wheat bread and I took the ends.
It was fucking delicious but I ate it real slow and when I finished eating that thing I suddenly didn't feel weak or woozy anymore.
Yea I gotta rethink this eating so little. I mean I'm losing weight fairly fast as it is and at what price? I'm burning up my calories at Bally's so why starve myself too?
For now on it's human portions of food eat it slow but eat it all.
Dinner tonight was spaghetti with meat sauce. I passed on the french bread but I allowed the parmegan cheese. OMG it was delicious.
The day that turned me around. The day I allowed myself to dehydrate it's amazing the things we take advantage of like clean water until you really need it.
Like the way my body reacted to that hamberger and then the spaghetti today. It was like I can feel myself regenerating. It's a strange feeling.
I can honestly say that in only a little more than a week I am in better shape.
Everything is just getting easier and easier.
I may bump that treadmill to 4mph by next week.
I'll see how I feel by then.
Oh I fixed Cronus today put a solid tire from MOOP1 on that rear.
No More Flats for that wheel anyway.
Gonna start using my bikes to ride to Bally's. It's rather close to the house so I'll switch between Cronus,MOOP2 and the Buggy Bike.
It's gonna be fun.
Everyone's gonna call me "That Guy".
Took Cronus today to Bally's. That solid tire is doing a little bump bump bump but that's the nature of these things my rim has a little dent though I'm pretty sure I can fix it out.
I did the treadmill at 45 minutes. Heart rate closer to 130bpm today. I should pony up a Tom Jefferson Co Pay to a doc so they can see how I'm doing.
Bike at 45 minutes also. Then the mechanicals on some I did 4 reps of 10 adding a weight at each rep.
Lap pool 30 laps today. 10 minutes in the hot tub,10 minutes in the steam room. It strangely is not hard to breathe in there anymore.
Got on the scale after my shower.
I'm in the 260 zone.
Rasin Bran for breakfast,a small bowl of mac and cheese mixed with hamberger for lunch and pepper stir fry with rice for dinner.
No salad today.
I'll still do salad but no more doing JUST salad as a main meal.
I don't want to feel weak like yesterday again.
Felling a bit irritable this morning. Not to anyone else I'm just feeling a bit off today.
Making a lunch for my host home guy while he was having his cereal I made him some PB&J and it looked fucking delicious so I made one for myself too.
That was breakfast.
Then I took MOOP2 to Bally's.
Treadmill at 3 mph my heart rate shot up to 140 bpm after 10 minutes.
Slow deep breathing lowered it to about 130 128 then I kept it that way for 30 minutes.
Then I got on the bike with no resistance so I can keep my heart rate to fat burning 115 bpm and suceeded to do so.
This dude got on the bike next to me and started talking he saw my MOOP2 and wondered if I'm on this bike why don't I just simply remove my engine on my bike outside?
I wanted to destroy him.
It was this weird mood I was in today.
I then replied "Did you drive here?" thinking I can make shit seem like he's a hypocrite or some shit.
Then he replied "No my bike is parked next to yours"
A fucking roadie.
I'm pedaling this bike next to a fucking roadie that pedaled here and is now pedaling his stationary bike right next to me.
All I can do is laugh and he laughed too. Then later I told him that I'm building a 24" BMX and when my weight goes down I'll be riding that here sans engine.
Overall he turned out pretty cool.
The mechanical weights I had trouble with.
Against my macho I reduced my usual weights by alot and did mostly range of motion workouts meaning my weight resistance is ridiculosly non evident but it got my arms and legs moving.
Then to the change room so I can do laps in the pool.
But there was this old man there that smelled like urine had dropped bits of depends undergarment on the floor he cleaned it up but woah.
I sat in the hot tub then I see him go in the pool.
No laps today.
Few minutes in the steam room then showered then went home.
So at home I'm feeling woozy again. I ate a salad but still woozy.
So I grabbed one of them dollar frozen Totino's pizza from the chest freezer and set the toaster oven on broil 10 minutes.
Ate it with a fork little bits at a time but I felt much better afterwards.
Got into some deep thoughts while I was eating that abomination.
I'm thinking that those that lose weight by eating a lot less than their usual will feel rather weak when they work out.
It's fucked up.
You can't eat a lot less AND work out every day or you'll run out of steam.
So I gotta just eat but eat slow and eat good shit.
My daughter's friend is a veggie. I may do a little talk with him about what he eats.
So feeling much better no shit I actually feel a lot better when I digest some starchy food I took Cronus to fill up my little gas jug with 60 cents worth of gas. Holy shit when did gas go up again? Then I returned,filled up my lawnmower and did the front and back lawn.
When my HH guy came back from day program we took the dogs for a walk.
Dinner tonight was chicken with rice and spinach with a salad and some ice tea for my HH guy and brita water for me.
I also took the skin off those chicken thighs and baked it seperately.
Chicken thighs skinned and breaded is fucking good btw. It's really juicy and not oily at all.
The chicken skin I baked seperatly was also breaded and it came out like bacon. I tried only a little piece of one. It was rather crispy.
Now I'm here typing.
Tomorrow I have my HH guy with me his school is having an inservice so we're gonna take the bus to pick up my monthly check and have lunch downtown.
I'll order a side salad at McDonalds but also a McDouble.
I'll just take one patty and give the rest to my HH guy.
This weekend he's going home so I'll be at Bally's this weekend.
Weight today in the shower read 271.
Still way ahead of plan.
Breakfast was a bowl of Rasin Bran. I finished it off. Bummer. My HH guy didn't have day program today and I needed to get my monthly check so we rode the bus up. Then we rode downtown so I can deposit that check in my bank. Lunch at McDonalds. He had two McDoubles a fry and a large sweet tea. I had a side salad a McDouble and a large sweet tea. I only ate one patty from that McDouble and gave the rest to my HH guy.
We did a lot of walking and we walked to the library where I logged on here for a spell looking for Mile High Flea Market discount passes but it had expired. We're planning on going tomorrow. Dinner I made my HH guy a couple of burgers while I ate some leftover chicken and rice. I never like to give my HH guy leftovers it's a weird thing with me. About a half hour ago I snuck in a PB&J it was so godawful delicious why am I craving PB&J lately?
HH guy is away this weekend on a home visit. We're planning to go to the flea market and visit family in Greely. Maybe I'll have time on Sunday to go to Bally's.
I really gotta watch what I'm fucking eating.
I gotta get back on track.
Bowl of corn flakes for breakfast to the flea market ate a turkey leg for lunch off to Greeley to see family they had a barbecue it's actually a bit rude if you don't eat so I ate....two fucking hambers with fixings because it was fucking delicious man with potatoe salad oh man and pork and beans.
Then when we got home I heated up a leftover skinless chicken.
Tomorrow morning it's Bally's.
The weekends are gonna kill me.
Next week I'm gonna try yogurt and a multi vitamin a day to help with my mid week weakness.
Tommorow I'm gonna push shit hard like they do in that loser show that makes me cry.
Sunday my HH guy was on his home visit so I went to Bally's as did yesterday. Food is starting to be a real struggle for me lately can't get away from those PB&J sandwiches
I have no fucking idea as to why I've been craving this.
Today wife wanted Wishbone chicken for dinner.
You don't understand.
Wishbone is fucking good chicken their gravy is the best fucking gravy on earth
pour it over the french fries my wife likes their french fries pour it over the Texas Toast with
honey pour it over the chicken and the liver gizzard mix I always get with the family pack.
But I'm still on schedule though.
And I gave all my chicken skin to my HH guy.
This morning at Bally's I burned 350 calories on the treadmill I took the Buggy Bike over then
pumped some iron 30 minutes on the bike then 22 laps on the pool some hot tub to sooth my muscles.
I don't do the sauna anymore I mean WTF this thing exists so you can sweat?
Stepped on the scale.
Shit with all the cheating I've been doing I'm still losing weight well it's probably because I'm excersizing so much.
I will see my doc this week.
I'll call it in tomorrow.
20 dollar bill in my pocket just for that co pay.
I hope I don't spend it.
Still haven't made that appointment. I'm now finding out my fire extinguisher tags are due.
It seems I have an option to just buy new ones and keep the reciet or pay to have them re tagged every year. Would you believe it's cheaper to just buy new ones every year?
Guess I'll have fire extinguishers inside my cars.
Another 350 calories on the treadmill then mechanical weights I stayed off the bike today.
15 laps on the pool and alot of time in the hot tub I almost fell asleep in that mutherfucker.
Since I splurged yesterday the scale shows 269 today.
Just one pound? But I'm not feeling weak though.
I splurged during dinner again tonight.
I need to stop this shit.
I'm gonna stick in a movie and walk the treadmill I have at home here.
I gotta say though.
I'm feeling good lately.
I failed again today.
Bally's 45 minutes on the treadmill 350 calories 5 minutes on the eliptical heart rate too high so I stopped bike 30 minutes burned 150 calories,12 laps on the pool felt like chilling in the sauna 10 minutes of that then 15 in the hot tub.
Breakfast was a tunafish sandwich looked good when I made some for my HH guy for lunch so I made one too. I skipped lunch but dinner was Chinese 2 scoops with hot sour.
I failed dinner. I ate like I didn't care.
But I burned it off by walking my home treadmill for an hour and earlier I cut my lawn.
This thread helps. It really does.
No more fucking around.
I'll still eat but only till I'm full.
And I need to drink more water again.
Today I decided to mod that treadmill to change speed according to my heart rate. I plugged in a low at 115 bpm and a high at 125 bpm top speed being 3 mph. Then I set it for 2 hours or 120 minutes. Speed would fluctuate between 2 mph and 3 mph and I just payed no attention and ended up doing a little more than 5 miles I think I'll continue using this particular treadmill.
It was really fucking cool just walking along when more fit people would climb on their treadmills go really fast then only last 10 to 20 minutes I thought anyway that was rather cool.
This treadmill though has a glass wall to my side a few feet away and I really don't see my fatness when I look ahead at my front reflection but from the side I could really see just how goddamn fat I've become.
It's alright. Don't fucking care. This is my life choice. Even when I'm at my ideal weight I ain't stopping this shit.
Did some screaming at the mechanical weights I really felt fucking energized today what a fucking rush man.
Walked back in the dressing room realized I had forgotten to pack my swim shorts fuck it don't matter there's always next week. I got my HH guy this weekend.
Watching Oprah a few minutes ago about fat kids and their struggles.
I've been there when it comes to easing your pains with food.
They did this thing when they turned to their parents and started with "I hate it when"
and it made me bawl.
Sometimes Oprah be touching me in places.
High school for me I was just a little overweight but not fat.
I know I got some pics of my HS body around here but I'll post it again.
Marriage will do this it's really quite normal for men to gain weight when they get married.
But when you let youself go then there has to be another reason why we turn to food for comfort.
So I'm gonna do that Oprah thing. I'm gonna type up what makes me angry enough to turn to food.
I hate it when I smoked like a chinmey and ate at buffets with no care in the world and ended up getting a quintuple bypass.
I hate it when people look at me knowing this and think I should take it easy.
I hate it when the people I worked with thinks I should take it easy.
I hate it when my long time friend fucking fires me after 15 years of dedication because she thinks I should take it easy and is doing me a fucking favor.
I hate it when the people I cared for all these years and made great strides in their lives and their quality of living went absolutely backwards and rarely go out now and old behaviors have surfaced.
I hate it when my mother in law made all these assumptions about me to the point that I actually disliked my inlaws for seemingly agreeing with her and never opened up to me.
I hate it that my mother in law has passed on even though she acnowledged me in the end I want more time with her it's not fair.
I hate it that I couldn't do more for her.
I hate it that I couldn't let her die in her own bed at my house.
I hate it that the nursing home couldn't fucking do more for her under her Medicare/Medicaid.
I hate it that my inlaws are finally opening up to me after the fucking fact but I hate them less but I hate it that so much grief could have easily been not if only my mother in law was not so judgemental.
I hate it that my wife is depressed over the passing of her mom.
I hate it that my kids are depressed over the passing of their grandma.
I hate it that I feel so fucking helpless to ease their pain anymore than just being there for them.
I hate it that at my daughter's graduation party shared with her cousin of the same age and same school my wife's step dad her sister's real dad that divorced my mother in law over another woman and left her depending on my wife and I and we haven't seen him in almost 20 years DJ'ed the party and I hate it that I didn't absolutely deck that mutherfucker right there.
I hate it that my daughter is about to risk her life for an education in the Navy.
I hate it that I didn't start a simple college fund for my kids.
I hate it that I won't be there when things seem low for my daughter.
I hate it when I see my son still visibly shaken from the breakup of his girlfriend.
I hate it that even though he's doing well and in a nice place and wants to do all this without my help I hate it that I can't just make his life a bit easier.
I hate it when I eat till I want to sleep.
I hate looking at my reflection in the mirror.
I hate seeing my parents grow old.
I hate it when I think my parents haven't done everything they ever wanted to do in their lives.
I hate it when I see my brothers struggling including my older one.
Now I'm gonna take this all and put it in a bag or some shit and put it aside.
This post is my food now.
Overeating will end now.
Hope this works.
I wish I have more HS pics. I've posted this here before.
Me with my little brother.
I used to ride my BMX bike everywhere during this time.
I know I can get back to this again.
I was called Apple Head.
That's because of my huge brain.
I kinda cheated again over the weekend with Pizza but the scale read I'm at 269 today so back on my shit I still haven't picked up any multi vitamins I still haven't scheduled that doctor but I burned 400 calories on the treadmill and did 20 laps on the pool.
There were some BeefCakes today grunting and pumping iron I decided to up it a bit I'm bigger than a lot of these guys shit I can do this.
I'm not in shape yet.
Still did my 3 reps of 10 on 5 arm machines then I payed no attention to these guys doing this shit with max weights let them tear up their tendons I'm not playing that.
It's all getting easier though.
My tummy is like jello anymore. Some of the mass is jellifying.
I met the respite lady that's gonna watch my HH guy when we go to New Mexico this weekend. I'm gonna be worried about him but it's gonna be cool.
Son has to work so he's gonna watch the goggies and my bikes.
I'm gonna do 30 minutes on my treadmill before I go to sleep tonight.