The Asylum   Search Private Messages Options Blogs Images Chat Cam Portals Calendar FAQ's Join  
Asylum Forums : Powered by vBulletin version 2.2.8 Asylum Forums > The Lost Forum > Sexual Misadventures
Pages (2): [1] 2 »   Last Thread   Next Thread
Author
Thread [new thread]    [post reply]
bunkum
Sanditon

Registered: Jul 2000
Location:
Posts: 4501
Post Sexual Misadventures

A few nights ago, my colleagues and I welcomed our new Irish exchange students into the department by taking them out to the bar. Nice guys, good conversation, fairly relaxed evening for all involved.

Then, one colleague who I like a lot showed up a little tipsy, and within 1 hour, was hanging all over the one who had a girlfriend. When he turned her down, she moved in on the other, and they were kissing all over the place. We got her talked into taking a ride with us, rather than driving home with the guy. It helped that one guy was hosting an after-hours party at his house.

She dragged the guy into my car with her, and they were in the back seat. I talked to the other Irish guy up in the front. We both realized something was up when the seats were getting kicked at a fairly vigorous rate. We gave each other embarrassed looks, and talked about film techniques to take our minds off of the reality just a foot or two behind us.

We got to my friend's house, and as I was unlocking the door, I turned around (big mistake) to see her pulling her pants up hurriedly. I just said, "Please make sure the door is locked when you leave the car." I didn't know what else to do.

The one guy and I went into the party, and several of the women there quizzed me about what was going on. Before I could try to salvage her reputation (with whatever sophistic statement I could) the guy said, "Oh they're going at in the backseat of her car." Great. Then he went on to trash the other guy, and say what a prick he was, how much he hated talking to him, etc. Seems we have inherited an additional gossip for the semester. Oh hurrah.

One of the women asked me if I thought it was weird what they were doing in my car, and I said what they did was their business, and we shouldn't concern ourselves with it. She replied, "but she's too good, too smart for this." I said, "she's ultimately responsible for her decisions, and he's no more at fault than she is." We decided anyway to interrupt the love fest, since the temperature was steadily dropping, and they were out there in light coats. I just said, "Hey, it's a little warmer inside. Come on in."

It then occurred to me that two people were having sex in the back seat of my car. It's one thing to snog someone else in your car, but I'd almost rather have them do it in my bed. FOr some reason, the Great American tradition of sex-in-the-car was bastardized for me. I'll never be able to knock boots in my car again.

All weirdness aside, the situation turned out all right. They came inside, people acted decently to them (rather than alienating them), and they both went home by themselves. The woman who interrupted the love fest with me agreed that we should request everyone at the party to keep their mouths shut, since gossip gets so nasty in our department. The woman has more to bear with since she's here for another 3 years, but the man could have a hard time of it, too, being in a strange country. Luckily, those at the party agreed to keep their mouths shut. Hopefully, this will be a reality.

Hell, people make mistakes.

And this post was a little random, but I needed to get it off my chest.

------------------
Deny closure. Honor ambiguity.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 03:23 AM
bunkum is offline Click Here to See the Profile for bunkum Click here to Send bunkum a Private Message Find more posts by bunkum Add bunkum to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
JoeyCat
Felis Dominatus

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Delaware
Posts: 5736
Post

erm bunkum... I just want to take this opportunity, this being an anonymous forum and all, to thank you for quelling the gossips for me. I am forever in your debt, or something like that

------------------------
=^..^=

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 03:29 AM
JoeyCat is offline Click Here to See the Profile for JoeyCat Click here to Send JoeyCat a Private Message Find more posts by JoeyCat Add JoeyCat to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
Princess_Heather
long gone

Registered: Dec 2000
Location:
Posts: 1800
Post

Guys: Don't ever give your girl a massage naked... Here's why...

My man and I took a trip to Mt Bachelor to celebrate Valentines day my senior year of High School. We rented a cozy little cabbin up in the snow. To kick the weekend off, we decided to give massages by the fire. -To make a long kinky story short we'll skip to the meat of this story - We were both naked and he was perched on my ass rubbing my shoulders. He thought he'd be cute and take advantage of my vulnerable/off gaurd position and tickle me. (I'm lethally ticklish) He grabbed my sids and I immediately went into convulsions. My muscles tensed and I arched my back. His nutsack just happend to be resting on my ass crack in just the right spot between my separated legs that when I clenched my ass and brought my legs together I trapped his balls. They remained trapped until I relaxed enough to realize he was yelling. When I released him and he curled up in a ball beside me. He stayed like that for quite a while. He was sore the whole weekend and will never massage me naked again.

------------------------
"I want to be the Girl with the most cake..." .~*Pics*~.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 04:05 AM
Princess_Heather is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Princess_Heather Click here to Send Princess_Heather a Private Message Find more posts by Princess_Heather Add Princess_Heather to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
Emerald
Cuddly Puppy

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Texas
Posts: 2593
Post

quote:
Originally posted by Princess_Heather:
Guys: Don't ever give your girl a massage naked... Here's why...

My man and I took a trip to Mt Bachelor to celebrate Valentines day my senior year of High School. We rented a cozy little cabbin up in the snow. To kick the weekend off, we decided to give massages by the fire. -To make a long kinky story short we'll skip to the meat of this story - We were both naked and he was perched on my ass rubbing my shoulders. He thought he'd be cute and take advantage of my vulnerable/off gaurd position and tickle me. (I'm lethally ticklish) He grabbed my sids and I immediately went into convulsions. My muscles tensed and I arched my back. His nutsack just happend to be resting on my ass crack in just the right spot between my separated legs that when I clenched my ass and brought my legs together I trapped his balls. They remained trapped until I relaxed enough to realize he was yelling. When I released him and he curled up in a ball beside me. He stayed like that for quite a while. He was sore the whole weekend and will never massage me naked again.



I can't say anything worth reading here, for I am convulsing with laughter.......Ha! Great story, PH.


------------------------
Here????? Now??????

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 04:08 AM
Emerald is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Emerald Click here to Send Emerald a Private Message Find more posts by Emerald Add Emerald to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
Freelance
Cuddly Puppy

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Nanaimo BC, Canada
Posts: 1525
Talking

Hehehe, you should've got that on video, PH. That would've been classic.

------------------------
Anger=Red

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 04:08 AM
Freelance is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Freelance Click here to Send Freelance a Private Message Find more posts by Freelance Add Freelance to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
DevilMoon
passive stalker?

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: zanzibar
Posts: 10594
Post

I am still not sure I see what the problem was in the original story.

DM

------------------------
choosy mothers choose evil

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 04:10 AM
DevilMoon is offline Click Here to See the Profile for DevilMoon Click here to Send DevilMoon a Private Message Find more posts by DevilMoon Add DevilMoon to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
Princess_Heather
long gone

Registered: Dec 2000
Location:
Posts: 1800
Post

BTW - we're still together, but he doesn't like me to talk about it... So Shhhhhhh!

------------------------
"I want to be the Girl with the most cake..." .~*Pics*~.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 04:19 AM
Princess_Heather is offline Click Here to See the Profile for Princess_Heather Click here to Send Princess_Heather a Private Message Find more posts by Princess_Heather Add Princess_Heather to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GnpGnop
Fluffy Bunny

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NYC
Posts: 700
Post

quote:
Originally posted by Princess_Heather:
BTW - we're still together, but he doesn't like me to talk about it... So Shhhhhhh!



i'd a pucnched you in the back of the head and screamed "bitch you know my silicone testicles are fragile" then that would have reminded me of the "vulture incident" and i would have started crying.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 04:26 AM
GnpGnop is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GnpGnop Click here to Send GnpGnop a Private Message Find more posts by GnpGnop Add GnpGnop to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 16752
Post

I try to stuff my balls into girls' asses all the time.

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 04:31 AM
GoFuckYourselves! is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GoFuckYourselves! Click here to Send GoFuckYourselves! a Private Message Find more posts by GoFuckYourselves! Add GoFuckYourselves! to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GnpGnop
Fluffy Bunny

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NYC
Posts: 700
Post

quote:
Originally posted by GoFuckYourselves!:
I try to stuff my balls into girls' asses all the time.


oh, i just got the joke. its funny because of the irony right?

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 04:41 AM
GnpGnop is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GnpGnop Click here to Send GnpGnop a Private Message Find more posts by GnpGnop Add GnpGnop to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
IBeFree
You Don't Know Jack!!!

Registered: Nov 2000
Location: Burleson, Texas
Posts: 520
Post

Oh ... come on Em ... certainly ... you have some great misadventures to share.....????



------------------------
"Each of us is an Unlimited Idea of Freedom"
(From: Jonathan Livingston Seagull)
- Richard Bach -

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 01-10-2001 08:27 AM
IBeFree is offline Click Here to See the Profile for IBeFree Click here to Send IBeFree a Private Message Find more posts by IBeFree Add IBeFree to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 32572

quote:
Originally posted by DevilMoon
I am still not sure I see what the problem was in the original story.

DM

Simple, my good man. The moral of bunknub’s story is it is far better to drive a pickup truck.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 03-15-2018 12:02 AM
J E B Stuart is offline Click Here to See the Profile for J E B Stuart Click here to Send J E B Stuart a Private Message Visit J E B Stuart's homepage! Find more posts by J E B Stuart Add J E B Stuart to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 16752

It's not far better than driving a golf ball.

__________________
Report this post to a moderator!!!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 03-17-2018 08:53 PM
GoFuckYourselves! is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GoFuckYourselves! Click here to Send GoFuckYourselves! a Private Message Find more posts by GoFuckYourselves! Add GoFuckYourselves! to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 32572

Are golf balls gonna become self-driving like automobiles?

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 03-25-2018 05:00 AM
J E B Stuart is offline Click Here to See the Profile for J E B Stuart Click here to Send J E B Stuart a Private Message Visit J E B Stuart's homepage! Find more posts by J E B Stuart Add J E B Stuart to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 16752

That might be a great idea, Uncle Jeb. You get on the tee and the ball just takes off on its own. You may have just revolutionized the whole sport.

That whole idea of self-driving cars as a joke. Some lady was killed a few weeks ago by one. How do you sue a car? Besides, the jails and prisons will be filled with cars.

__________________
Report this post to a moderator!!!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 03-25-2018 06:55 AM
GoFuckYourselves! is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GoFuckYourselves! Click here to Send GoFuckYourselves! a Private Message Find more posts by GoFuckYourselves! Add GoFuckYourselves! to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 32572

Well, the main question is why did bunkum always insist upon bein’ on top? And she sang songs by The Monkees while she was doin’ the deed. Why? Highly unusual.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 03-25-2018 07:56 AM
J E B Stuart is offline Click Here to See the Profile for J E B Stuart Click here to Send J E B Stuart a Private Message Visit J E B Stuart's homepage! Find more posts by J E B Stuart Add J E B Stuart to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 16752

She was a believer.

__________________
Report this post to a moderator!!!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 03-25-2018 09:45 PM
GoFuckYourselves! is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GoFuckYourselves! Click here to Send GoFuckYourselves! a Private Message Find more posts by GoFuckYourselves! Add GoFuckYourselves! to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 32572

I haven’t heard from her since she took the last train to Clarksville.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 03-26-2018 04:38 AM
J E B Stuart is offline Click Here to See the Profile for J E B Stuart Click here to Send J E B Stuart a Private Message Visit J E B Stuart's homepage! Find more posts by J E B Stuart Add J E B Stuart to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 16752

You should have met her at the station.

__________________
Report this post to a moderator!!!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 03-26-2018 06:15 AM
GoFuckYourselves! is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GoFuckYourselves! Click here to Send GoFuckYourselves! a Private Message Find more posts by GoFuckYourselves! Add GoFuckYourselves! to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 32572

I was in Pleasant Valley Sunday and I was intending to head out to Clarksville. And you know me - I’m a believer in punctuality. But, just as I was about to leave, Valerie stopped by and, well, I lost track of time.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 03-28-2018 01:25 AM
J E B Stuart is offline Click Here to See the Profile for J E B Stuart Click here to Send J E B Stuart a Private Message Visit J E B Stuart's homepage! Find more posts by J E B Stuart Add J E B Stuart to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 16752

Did you go over the Tallahatchie Bridge?

__________________
Report this post to a moderator!!!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 04-01-2018 08:10 PM
GoFuckYourselves! is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GoFuckYourselves! Click here to Send GoFuckYourselves! a Private Message Find more posts by GoFuckYourselves! Add GoFuckYourselves! to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 32572

Well, when I got Valerie to her house, the main event was about to get underway and I was really, really ready to bring it on home, if you know what I mean. Then, something awful happened. Yeah, she removed her blouse to reveal a brassiere so bright red, it woulda made that jackass wonderaz howl with unbridled envy.

I didn’t actually jump off the bridge. I just shot out the door screaming and ran like hell. I made it almost halfway across that bridge when I must’ve passed out from lack o’ Dickel. I think the highway crew came by shortly thereafter and tossed me over the edge since they had to clear it to fill some holes.

I’m okay, now.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 04-01-2018 08:33 PM
J E B Stuart is offline Click Here to See the Profile for J E B Stuart Click here to Send J E B Stuart a Private Message Visit J E B Stuart's homepage! Find more posts by J E B Stuart Add J E B Stuart to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 16752

Wow! That's some story. You definitely were on a Bridge Over Troubled Waters.

__________________
Report this post to a moderator!!!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 04-02-2018 01:54 AM
GoFuckYourselves! is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GoFuckYourselves! Click here to Send GoFuckYourselves! a Private Message Find more posts by GoFuckYourselves! Add GoFuckYourselves! to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 32572

Eh, in retrospect, it wasn’t any trouble at all. After all, what’s manlier than a manly man? Why, an indestructible DIckel Dude, of course!

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 04-02-2018 03:48 AM
J E B Stuart is offline Click Here to See the Profile for J E B Stuart Click here to Send J E B Stuart a Private Message Visit J E B Stuart's homepage! Find more posts by J E B Stuart Add J E B Stuart to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 16752

Is it a Dickel Dude's duty to do his doodie daily and diligently, daddy?

__________________
Report this post to a moderator!!!

Report this post to a moderator | IP: Logged

Old Post 04-06-2018 11:27 PM
GoFuckYourselves! is offline Click Here to See the Profile for GoFuckYourselves! Click here to Send GoFuckYourselves! a Private Message Find more posts by GoFuckYourselves! Add GoFuckYourselves! to your buddy list [P] Edit/Delete Message Reply w/Quote
All times are GMT. The time now is 11:42 AM. Post New Thread    Post A Reply
Pages (2): [1] 2 »   Last Thread   Next Thread
Show Printable Version | Email this Page | Subscribe to this Thread

Forum Jump:
 

Forum Rules:
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts
HTML code is ON
vB code is ON
Smilies are ON
[IMG] code is ON
 

< Contact Us - The Asylum >

Copyright © 2014- Imaginet Inc.
[Legal Notice] | [Privacy Policy] | [Site Index]