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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
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I go to Jupiter all the time. Jupiter, Florida that is.

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Old Post 02-10-2018 11:25 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Registered: Jul 2000
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Yeah, and I remember you used to sneak outta yer ma’s house and hitchhike down to Porky’s every Saturday night.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 02-12-2018 07:00 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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I didn't have to hitchhike. Our chauffeur drove me.

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Old Post 02-18-2018 06:21 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Yeah, well, but I’ll bet your chauffer’s never driven you to Zzyzx.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 02-22-2018 06:38 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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He didn't have to. I was banned from there.

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Old Post 02-22-2018 05:03 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Funny you should say that, Herk. When I got to Zzyzx, I took my half-finished bottle o’ Dickel and headed straight to the hot tub by the pool and eased in. I was sippin’ my nectar and feeling super limp when the cockeyed lifeguard strolled by. I said, very politely I might add, “Get me more Dickel, boy!” Well. He promptly yelled, “Kiss my butt!”, shot me the bird and ran inside. Seconds later, the hot tub began to drain.

Before I could even get out, two large, hairy Italian dudes wearing nothing but speedos and steel-toed boots, with matching “I HEART HEFFERNAN” tramp stamps, yanked me up out of the tub. I was rather rudely escorted to the Zzyzx front gate where they shoved me down into the gravelly ditch by the road.

I woulda opened up a big can o’ whoop-ass on ‘em if I hadn’t been so wobbly from the hot tub soakin’. Anyway, as they turned to leave, the extra oily one threw a sheet of paper at me and grunted, “Make sure mister Herkimer Stuart takes care of this, or Guido going to take care of that jerk Herk!”

Whuuut?!? You walked a $14.27 tab at Guido’s? Jeebus. You must have a kneecap wish. Or fingers. Sometimes it’s the fingers. I’m not sure about the bad debt collection guidelines, but none of the options are good.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

Last edited by J E B Stuart on 02-23-2018 at 03:07 PM

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Old Post 02-22-2018 06:56 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Dammit, Herk. You owe me $12.48. Here’s why:

I walked outta the Lodge last night and those same two whopper goombas got the jump on me. Again. When I came to, I figured out right quick this wasn’t gonna end well for ol’ Jebbie unless he did some fast talkin’, so talk he did. More importantly, money talks.

I told ‘em I had some money stashed away in a “secret place” back at the rest home. What those two meatballs didn’t know was: 1) I keep a family size jug o’ male pheromone juice in the same place where I hide my secret stash from that jackass wonderaz; and 2) The Loretta would be at the rest home that evenin’ reading her “poems” in the lounge to the non-ambulatory residents (they just turn their hearing aids off and smile, or nap, or both).

I’m tired, so I gotta finish this up, Herk. I got my secret stash, which was a mayo jar o’ pennies. I count ‘em every night, so that’s how I knew there was $12.48. When I brought my loot out to ‘em, I apologized on your behalf and offered ‘em both a drink. They gruffly accepted, so I went back to the room and poured ‘em a nice, tall glass each o’ my liquid male pheromone juice.

I brought their refreshments to ‘em. They musta been parched, because that juice was chugaluggin’ down their hatches pretty damn quick. I told ‘em I had someone who’d love to meet some real life mobsters and asked if they’d be so kind as to let her shake their hands and maybe get their autographs. The extra-oily one said, “Sure, but make it quick, asshole!”

Well. I brought them in to The Loretta and said with a flourish, “Loretta, this is Mad Dog Diego and Tommy Two Toes! They love you and your poetry and begged me to introduce you to them!”

“WHAAA...!!!”

I didn’t hear the rest because I had already hit the back door, full stride and didn’t look back. I could tell from Loretta’s bellowing mixed with pitiful man screams that unspeakable horrors were kicking into full display before the peaceful residents I left behind.

With that much pheromone juice, I expect the beast will be in heat at least several days. The main thing is, they won’t be back, Herk. So, yeah, I saved your kneecaps, maybe even your frank ‘n’ beans, for $12.48 even though you walked a $14.27 tab. No need to thank me. After all, what is family for?

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 02-27-2018 04:28 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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Grasshoppa, what the fuck is he talking about please?

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Old Post 03-02-2018 04:47 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Engage people with what they expect; it is what they are able to discern and confirms their projections. It settles them into predictable patterns of response, occupying their minds while you wait for the extraordinary moment — that which they cannot anticipate.” ~ Sun Tzu

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-04-2018 02:36 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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"We discovered a future superstar and his name is Elvis." ~ Sun Records

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Old Post 03-04-2018 03:41 AM
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J E B Stuart
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When you surround an army, leave an outlet free. Do not press a desperate foe too hard.” ~ Sun Tzu.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-05-2018 01:44 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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"Elizabeth was hard to handle but she was my best client." ~ Tzu Mengers

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Old Post 03-05-2018 01:50 AM
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J E B Stuart
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It infuriates me to be wrong when I know I'm right.” ~ Molière.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-05-2018 02:05 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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He died on stage while performing in his own play, The Misanthrope.

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Old Post 03-05-2018 02:08 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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"Go on failing. Go on. Only next time, try to fail better." ~ Samuel Beckett

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Old Post 03-05-2018 02:15 AM
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J E B Stuart
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The difference between a child’s toy and an adult toy is: location, location, location.” ~ Demetri Martin.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-05-2018 02:54 AM
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J E B Stuart
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quote:
Originally posted by GoFuckYourselves!
He died on stage while performing in his own play, The Misanthrope.
Herk? Are you sure about that?

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-05-2018 02:58 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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Yes

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Old Post 03-05-2018 03:51 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Wikipedia must be incorrect, then.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-05-2018 04:14 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
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I shall check.

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Old Post 03-05-2018 05:15 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
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Okay....I was taught the wrong thing and I stand corrected and thank you for correcting me. He suffered a seizure while performing in his own play and died shortly after the performance.

In 1673, during a production of his final play,_The Imaginary Invalid, Molière, who suffered from pulmonary tuberculosis, was seized by a coughing fit and a haemorrhage while playing the hypochondriac Argan. He finished the performance but collapsed again and died a few hours later.

Dick Shawn, American comedian, died onstage, though. Didn't he???

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Old Post 03-05-2018 05:25 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Oh, I wasn’t trying to correct you, as in “gotcha!” Just lettin’ you know wiki’s account differed. And, as we all know, wiki ain’t always right.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-05-2018 05:39 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
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if I give out wrong information I want to be corrected. No problem whatsoever. It's weird though because a teacher in high school told me this-- that he died on stage. Live and learn.

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Old Post 03-05-2018 06:03 AM
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J E B Stuart
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quote:
Originally posted by GoFuckYourselves!
Okay....Dick Shawn, American comedian, died onstage, though. Didn't he???
According to Wikipedia, he did:

...On April 17, 1987, during a performance at University of California, San Diego's Mandeville Hall—including his portrayal of a politician reciting such campaign clichés as "If elected, I will not lay down on the job"—Shawn suffered a fatal heart attack and collapsed face-down on the stage. The audience initially assumed that it was part of his act; but after he had remained motionless on the stage for several minutes, a stage hand examined him and asked if a physician was present.

After CPR had been initiated, the audience was asked to leave the auditorium, but most remained, still assuming that it was all part of Shawn's act. Many began leaving—still unsure of what they had witnessed—only after paramedics arrived....


Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-06-2018 05:08 AM
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Coincidence
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quote:
Originally posted by J E B Stuart
When you surround an army, leave an outlet free. Do not press a desperate foe too hard.” ~ Sun Tzu.

Amen.


That one always stuck with me. If you corner someone, their only escape is through you.

Not only is it useful in many human interactions. It also demonstrates that there is a logical and practical side to mercy.

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