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Just to get something new up Dingle - 10/12/01 - 22:46:39
Mullah Mohammed Hasan Akhund, the deputy Taliban leader, and George W. Bush agree to meet in Kabul for the first round of talks in a new anti-terrorism process. When George sits down, he notices three buttons on the arm of Akhund's chair. They begin talking.

After about five minutes Akhund presses the first button. A boxing glove springs out of a box on the desk and punches Bush in the face. Annoyed, Bush carries on talking as Akhund laughs. A few minutes later the second button is pressed. This time a big boot comes out and kicks Bush in the shin. Again Akhund laughs, and again George carries on talking, not wanting to put off the bigger issue of peace between the two countries. But when the third button is pressed and another boot comes out and kicks Bush square in the privates, he's finally had enough.

"I'm headin' back home!" he calmly tells the Afghan. "We'll finish these talks in Washington in two weeks!"

A fortnight passes and Akhund flies to the United States for talks. As the two men sit down, Akhund notices three buttons on Bush's chair arm and prepares himself for the Texan's retaliation. They begin talking and George presses the first button. Akhund ducks, but nothing happens. George snickers but they continue talking. A few minutes later he presses the second button. Akhund jumps up, but again nothing happens. Bush roars with laughter. They continue the talks but when the third button is pressed, Akhund jumps up again, but again nothing happens.

Bush falls on the floor in a fit of hysterics. "Forget this," says Akhund. "I'm going back to Afghanistan!" George W. says, through tears of laughter, "What Afghanistan?"
Loser Limeysby Dingle - 09/17/01 - 22:49:50
well, i cant let them make you work, thats just not right, and considering our hits have dropped 50% since the 'big ban' i just had to do something. just dont get it in your heads that i like you gits.

go here: and scroll down and log in with your asylum login/pwd.

it may be a tad slower but it should work. i made a stealth style called 'loser_limeys'. use that style and it wont even resemble asylum, and most of the asylum references are gone.

the front page may or may not work all that well there, but the forum should be fine.

cheers and welcome back, now dont let the big shots catch on, ok?

Helpby Dingle - 09/15/01 - 17:15:05
Some URL's of organizations accepting donations to aid in the recent disasters:
Java Chat is now workingby Dingle - 09/15/01 - 17:13:00
read the subject
New Forum Style Optionsby Dingle - 09/11/01 - 19:32:44
ive added a couple new style set. if you go to your user cp and scroll to the bottom you can select a different style.

Default is the current blue and gray scheme
UBB5 style is the same as Default
default-verdana is the same as Default except with verdana text for you comic sans haters
asylum_red is the old red color scheme
vbulletin_default is the default vbulletin style, light blue and white


Edit: also added
black and white - white text on black background
white and black - black text on white bg

also note these styles affect the forum only, not the rest of the site
New Site Designby Dingle - 09/10/01 - 23:13:17
well its been in planning forever, and in development for ages, but its finally here... the unveiling.

I'm not gonna write a big long description of the new design because you can see it for yourself. Go ahead, browse around, or dont.

The old reddish color scheme will still be an option. If you go to your user control panel click 'options' then choose 'ubb5 style'.

Some stuff isnt available yet, and some stuff doesnt work yet, but it'll all be coming soon. Please let me know of any bugs

if you go to and get the old page it means the old index.html is cached and you need to close all your browser windows and open your browser back up.
dingle ups the pantie anteby J E B Stuart - 09/06/01 - 20:21:33
OLUSTEE, OK -- Dingle Van Winkle a/k/a Mad Scatter issued the following "used pantie" challenge earlier today:

"While illusion's initiative and efforts at commerce are arguably commendable, she's taking advantage of the misguided and the uninformed. Truth is, she's strictly a rank amateur. 'Used panties', my ass. She don't know shit from shinola.

I'll extend this offer to any good Asylum member . . . you want seriously stanky panties? Uncompromisingly rotten drawers? Don't pay the big bucks for 'em, 'cause I'll fix you right up.

All you need do is mail your panties, drawers, or whatever, to me in care of that jackass wonderaz and I'll dump a fresh, major league load o' crap in 'em that's sure to knock your head clean off your shoulders with just one whiff -- and everyone else's in the vicinity, for that matter. Not recommended for people with heart conditions or frail constitutions.

These make great gag gifts and most people are rendered speechless in a matter of seconds. If you smoke 'em, though, out of an abundance of caution, be sure your shots are all up-to-date.

One other small item . . . I'm currently fighting extradition to Minnesota on some trumped-up charges and my legal bills are mounting. So, if you can throw in a few extra bucks when you send me your stuff, I'll be sure and whip up an extra-big, custom batch."
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