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New Front Pageby Dingle - 03/11/05 - 21:59:01
Update your bookmarks, we have a new front page at http://www.asylumnation.com.

This page will no longer be updated, however it will remain for historical and search engine purposes, and to prevent broken links all over the internerd.

Check out this thread for more info.
(0 Comments)
 
Car Bombing Day!!!!by wonderaz - 09/16/04 - 14:38:55
Ahhhh yes... it seems like it was only 84 years ago that the first official car bomb went off.
Wait, it was 84 years ago. 40 dead and close to 300 injured right in good ole NYC.
It seems like that city has been blown up a lot.
So what do I suggest we all do about it?
Blow up Iran? no
Invade Belize? well yes but for other reasons
Elect a Democrat? NO!!

What I suggest is to leave the City. If you live there, move. If you don't live there, don't move there. This is the best way to defeat the terrorists.

Please don't move to Arizona though, move to Kansas.
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Asylum Dumb Fuck Tournamentby Paint CHiPs - 05/04/04 - 21:53:35
Are you bummed that March Madness has come and gone? Lacking in sports betting opportunities now that the Kentucky Derby has been run? Upset that the football season is so far away? Donít give a shit about professional basketball like the rest of America? Are you a Red Sox fan?


If so, and youíre in dire need of a useless but bracketed sports event to bet on, then youíre in luck, as right now, the first Annual Asylum Dumb Fuck Tournament is well underway.






We have a points system through which we can reward each other for individual comments that are classy, humorous, nonsensical, perverted, and whatnot. But we donít have any for sheer stupidity, and even if we did, many of our forum members donít just excel at single stupid comments, but have long and well-established careers in the sport of dumb fuckery. So while points may work for some instances, when it comes to being moronic, it only seemed apt that we had a full blown 4-bracket 64 person tournament.


So mmmtravis, the Jim Brown of Dumb Fucks, has organized and is now in the process of running this grand event in The Lost Forum. The pace is fast, the excitement exciting, the competition fierce, and already, weíre nearly down to the Stupid 16.


What does it take to be the #1 Asylum Dumb Fuck? Well, our contestants have many different methods. You can stick your stupid nose in everybodyís personal business and offer page after page of unsolicited advice. You can get arrested under hilarious and humilating circumstances and then post about it. You can accuse the administration of this site of things that are obviously and verifiably false, time and time again. You can have sex with one of us (always a favorite). You can have a terrible sense of humor mostly predicated on pictures of fat naked old people. You can be English. The possibilities are seemingly endless.


But, I warn you now, this is not a competition for rookies. We count among our members some of the most moronic, some of the most slow-witted, and some of the most blazingly stupid forum posters youíre likely to meet on the entire internet unless you frequent trollkingdom.com. If you follow the current tournament, youíll note that the competition is not to be taken lightly.


So check on in, register, and start posting away, exposing yourself in all your stupid, stupid glory, and maybe YOU can earn yourself a place in next yearís tournament. You donít HAVE to be stupid to post here, but it sure helps.

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The Political Season at Asylumby Paint CHiPs - 02/16/04 - 13:18:36
Well, with the Wisconsin primary upon us and Super Tuesday rapidly approaching, it looks like we might have to say goodbye to Howard Dean, the evanescent "Madman of Montpelier" who spent his entire run for the nomination tearing off hands and eating babies.

He was an entertaining candidate, to say the least, and the race will be less unnerving without him. But fear not, puny mortals, for you havenít yet seen the last of Howard Dean! And, if youíre in the mood for a bit of reminiscing for the days when the process of finding a Democrat nominee looked to tear off Americaís head and shit down itís neck, here is a remix of the Howard Dean campaign. So ride off into the sunset, Howard Dean, with your head held high. You made America proud. And pretty weirded out.

But we must soldier on! This is, after all, an election year, and while John Kerry looks to ride away with the Democratic nomination, with a Kennedy driving him over the final bridge to the convention, and George Bush is already busy siphoning social security into his massive ad campaign to get Americans to let him spend more money on his ad campaign to get Americans to let him spend more money, there is plenty more political punditry to be propagated. This is just the beginning! The pregnancy for the general election is only in its first trimester, and we canít abort now, America!

Why, we have yet to get the full story on a young George Walker Bush, drunk out of his ever-loviní mind, sneaking onto Maxwell Air Force Base, stealing a T-38 Talon, and flying it to Canada, snorting coke through shredded bits of the Bill of Rights all the way. Or his impending political strategy, "Contract With the Devil For America".

Nor have we heard the last about John Kerryís youthful exploits, such as the story, not yet picked up by the wires but all over internet rumor sites, of Kerry at a rally with Hanoi Jane Fonda, his intern at the time, in which, with a hail of pyrotechnics behind them, he tears off her brassiere as a protest to the Vietnam War, or feminism, or some damn thing.

And thereís international news to be had as well. Kim "Me So Horny" Jong-il still plans to join forces with Iran and invade Israel. Osama Bin Laden has yet to be found running his Cum N Blow in Queens. We havenít yet carpet bombed Djibouti. The prime minister of Italy, Silvio Berlusconi, has yet to liquidate his government in favor of the Berlusconi Dance Squad. Russia has an upcoming, ahem, election. And, in the coming months, look for Greg Dyke to pilot a tank through the walls of Parliament in England, while Lord Hutton shouts "Mr. Blair, tear down this network!"

So join us, for this season of domestic derangement, foreign fatuousness, election escapades, security shenanigans, and general govern-mental gobbledygook. Weíve got a happening little political forum right over yonder. Or, you can throw your thoughts on politics or anything else to the wolves in The Lost Forum. And, if politics isnít your game at all, weíve got plenty more cozy nooks in the internet crannies for you to check out.

Pull up a chair and stay awhile, stranger.

Itís the end of the world as we know it, and we feel fine.

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Uncle Jason's Holiday Rantby MstrG - 12/18/03 - 18:06:07
Sit back, grab a toddy, adjust your heating pad, and enjoy this holiday tale of enchantment.
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Merry *********!!!by wonderaz - 12/18/03 - 14:58:45
To be politically correct, we will omit any possibly offensive words from the news.
A very special bit of news for this ********* season is that our favorite fucking freak, Jacko, has become a Muslim (it's politically correct to say Muslim) and has joined his almost as freaky brother, Germaine, as a member of the Nation of Islam (it's politically correct to say Islam) or whatever Farrakam's boy's club is called.
I had no idea that white guys could join that group.

Did you know that the average human supposedly shits about 2 feet worth every day?
Can you save that up?
Like, every Saturday blow out 14 feet?

Usama Bin Ladin is still missing. Why has no one put his face on a milk carton?

Tony Blair has become rather 9-10 so the British are digging Diana up.
Did Dodi know that she liked bacon?

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Updates in the News!!!!by wonderaz - 11/17/03 - 16:27:24
*John Muhammed is found guilty!!! duh
*Bush likes protesters!!! ummm
*Souffle contest at the Asylum!! (everybody pm melon)
*Points are back but they are now called something different!!
*Asylum resturant now open in Jerome, AZ!!! ferreals
*Blair may become new Sec of State when Bush gets a second term!
*Rush appeals to listeners for understanding and a hairpiece!
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Columns
Twilight
01/08/03 By Redguard
Musings from behind the Iron Curtain

Flakes of Reality
11/14/02 By Paint CHiPs
Wall Candy

Asylum Comix
10/30/01 By Asylumnites
Contributions from our talented members.

Existensial Dialetics
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Thimk.

Old Farts
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Fred Rules

Schizophrenic Cinematic
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Bogey at 8 o'clock

Platypus
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Asinine abominations.

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P/C
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