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The Asylum  > Columns > Old Farts > Ole JEB is tougher than hell

Ole JEB is tougher than hell By Wonderaz & JEB Stuart - 11/30/00 - 00:00:00
Why I remember one time we were fishing down on the Pecos. We had been up all night drinking and hunting earthworms down at Art's Basshole, a favorite hangout of ours back then, bein's as how it was both a bait shop and a bar. We would go down there and get drunk, go out back with old Art and dig through his worm troughs, getting in fistfights over who found the biggest worms, ahhh those were the days...

Anywho, So there we were down on the bank justa fishin' and adrinkin' when this great big raven flies over JEB and dumps this huge shit which goes right down the back of his neck.

Jeb leaps to his feet, screaming and hollering about blowing that bird right out of the sky, and runs smack into this big ole tree. He backpedals right to the edge of the bank and was teetering when I leaped out and just in the nick of time, was able to grab the beer out of his hand before he plunged into the river, which was a good thing because it was almost full and we were running low.

For the longest time I stood there in a quandry, JEB hadn't surfaced and there was no level spot to set the two open beers I was now holding. I realized I needed to do something fast so I began chugging those beers like there was no tomorrow, knowing my old buddy was fixin' to be a goner.

Just as I was polishing off the last one, here comes good ole JEB floating to the top, bellyup. As soon as he broke the surface, he started snoring! Here he had me worried all to shit, and the bastard was taking a fucking nap down there!
I was just fixin' to yank his lame ass on shore to tell him what I thought when I see my cork go under and the biggest bass I had EVER seen jumps out of the water with my hook in his lip!

I snatched up my rod and commenced to do battle with this monster and after a few minutes had him in my net.
I turned to show off my prize and damned if JEB hadn't drifted off downstream about forty yards and got hung up on a half-sunk log!

Once again, I was in a quandry. I couldn't just leave him there even though he was doin' fine justa floatin' anda snorin' away, but the day was too young for me to go jumpin' in and gettin' all wet as I knew that the way things were goin' we were probably gonna get arrested for something later on and I hate sleepin' in a cell with wet clothes, kinda chafes ya in the crotch if you know what I mean.

So I took the hook out of that trophy bass and cut loose with an incredible cast and Lo and Behold, dropped that hook about two feet past his pumpkin head! I reeled in slowly and managed to catch his cheek and with a quick jerk set the hook. Keepin' a steady pressure on the line I reeled him in easy as pie, everything going fine ‘til I had him about ten feet offshore then all of a sudden he wakes up and commenced to thrashin' and flailing about like a walleyed pike.

My natural instincts took over and I let the line play out a little then heaved back and began crankin' that line in like crazy. He never had a chance, I had him on the shore in no time and smacked him upside the head with a board before he could get the hook out and swim off.

I grabbed some pliers, dragged him up on the bank and pulled the hook out. A few minutes later he came too, and the first thing out of that ungrateful asshole's mouth was, "You jackass! You drank my fuckin' beer, didn't you?"

By the way, we did wind up getting arrested later on but that's another story.


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