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The Asylum > News > Rolling Stones Tour. Again.

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Rolling Stones Tour. Again. By J E B Stuart - 05/25/02
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Uploaded by: J E B Stuart on 05/25/02
Stones during recent practice for upcoming tour. Shown (l-r) Dr. Quimby, the band's physician and harmonica player; Ron Wood; Charlie Watts; Twyla Grimshaw, backup vocals; Mick Jagger; Stella Rumsey, backup vocals; and Truby Moon, sandpaper block percussionist. Keith Richards was indisposed, reportedly undergoing the new radical and controversial formaldehyde therapy.

(ROOTERS -- Asylumnation Bureau) The Rolling Stones have announced yet another North American road trip, their umpteenth tour in several decades. The latest jaunt will kick off "pretty soon" at an undisclosed site rumoured to be in close proximity to the Mayo Clinic in Rochester, Minnesota.

The tour, in support of their just released "Forget Alzheimer's" live album, will see a redesigned open stage with sitelines spanning 360 degrees, courtesy of the same team that designed the "Incontinence Lounge" and "It's Only Geritol" sets. The tour is being presented by the Wyeth Laboratories, makers of Preparation H Medicated Wipes. Opening act is tentatively Ike Turner, pending clearance from his probation and parole officer. Rumours persisted that Iron Butterfly was onboard. Unfortunately, Ron Bushy remains in a coma due to the freakish lightining strike on his iron lung during an Akron show last year..

A spokesperson for the promoter says the tour was inspired by the success of the odd, smaller venues like New York's Madison Estates Resthome performed during the previous nursing home tour, and by the fact that the band was forced to reschedule their U.K. dates until next year for tax and Keith Richard's liver, kidney, lung and heart transplant surgeries.

The spokesperson confirmed that the tickets will average $175 each.

Most of the shows will go on sale between November 20 and 22.
 
NEWS: "Rolling Stones Tour. Again." by J E B Stuart by T H E A S Y L U M - 2002-05-25 15:49:23
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NEWS: "Rolling Stones Tour. Again." by J E B Stuart
 

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RE: by Roshigoth - 2002-05-25 23:24:22
Hahahaha! Classic!
 
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RE: by GoFuckYourselves! - 2002-05-26 15:20:14
HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Uncle JEBassist, you gone and done it again. You've SPLIT MY GUT!!!

SNL needs some funny writers and they should hire you!!!
 
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RE: by Dingle - 2002-05-26 18:29:24
beams *i already bought tickets*
 
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RE: by morgana - 2002-05-27 12:42:10
that's fantastic.

and as a side note: the rolling stones are such greedy bastards that they've put a freeze on all of their licensed merchandise. this means that until the tour is over, we can't get any restock on their merchandise. they do this so that you can only buy their stuff for the next year at the tours for outrageous prices.

the tix alone are 140.00 a piece, and they've sold out every show that's been on sale so far.

assholes.

 
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RE: by euphorbia - 2002-06-01 13:32:51
Old people kick ass!

Fun read JEB.
 
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