(ROOTERS - Jiggs, NV) Herkimer Eugene McGinty, ostensibly of Evening Shade Resthome in Winslow, Arizona, was arrested early Sunday south of Elko, Nevada after an area rancher, who requested anonymity, notified local authorities complaining of a man disturbing the peace in his mule barn. Alert Asylumnation reporters overheard the dispatch on the scanner and followed an Elko County deputy to the scene. Upon arrival, Mr. McGinty, who goes by numerous aliases including "wonderaz" and "jackass", was standing in the rancher's corral, holding what appeared to be a very small, green man in his fingers.
Questioning revealed that McGinty claimed he had just removed a "little green man from Mars" from his brain. "It must've happened while I was on my space flight for the government of Djibouti," he said. "I remember passing out, then waking up with this awful headache. Fact is, the more I think about it, the more inclined I am to believe that these aliens have been coming and going in my brain pretty much as they damn well pleased, for many, many years. If this is true, and I'm convinced it is, that sure explains a helluva lot. Those voices in my head were about to drive me nuts."
McGinty evaded inquiries as to how he managed to extract something like that from his brain, but when the deputy frisked him, a set of still-moist needlenose pliars was discovered in a pocket in his trousers. The pliars, along with "the little green man", were sent to the crime lab in Carson City for testing.
After an initial appearance before a local magistrate, McGinty was ordered transported to Las Vegas for psychiatric observation and evaluation. He slipped away while his custodian was making a "rest stop" at Fluffy's Bar and Brothel. Asylumnation sources report he was later spotted in Rachel, Nevada, asking directions to Area 51.