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Posted by SirRitualMasturbator on 12-03-2000 07:01 PM:

Post

quote:
Originally posted by bowmore:
Jesus aminal.

You asked for my opinion and I'll give it though I feel a little voyeuristic peaking into your life like this.

Leave. I know you love your mum and like every good son you want to protect her. She is a Woman and has mader her own choices and has her own life. Tell her you think she is in a destructive relationship and then pack your bags.

A disfuctional relationship can only cause disfunction in those around it. If you want disfunction go and find yer own.

Tell her to ring you if he tries it again. She probably won't but if she does get a couple of mates and put him in the hospital. I have no tolerance for these douchebags.

I wish you well.


selah.




selah.


Posted by memdink on 12-03-2000 07:05 PM:

Post

Wow, this is heavy stuff, man. I think that bowmore speaks the truth. Leave and make with your own life. Taking care of disfunctional parents isn't going to make your life any better. I think you're playing martyr if you stay and choose to play the son-daddy. And we all know the outcome for martyrdome. You seem to be taking care of yourself alright, though. Move in with sp00ky.

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Titleist

[This message has been edited by memdink (edited 12-03-2000).]


Posted by urbanjunkie on 12-03-2000 07:08 PM:

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Has he ever shown signs of violence before?
I'd have to say, stay for your mothers sake but if you do decide to go then take her with you. The bloke feels threatned by you cause you stood up to him but you should make sure you look after yourself as well, mate.


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slide away, and give it all you've got - my today, fell in from the top...


Posted by Princess_Chelle on 12-03-2000 07:08 PM:

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tell him youll REALLY fuck him up if he tries to kick you out or hurt your mom.
what an asshole!
this whole senario just makes me furious. your mother should kick his ass out!


Posted by aminal on 12-03-2000 07:16 PM:

Post

i am not going to leave, unless my mum leaves too. It is his house, but my mum pays all the bills, and if she leaves she'll end up still paying for it. There are a few options, there is a seperate flat downstairs he could move into, or theycoudl divorce an sell the house etc...

I can leave any time i like, providing i have somewhere to stay, I have friends who would put me up for a bit. I am not going to leave my mum like this though. She needs the support i give.

I dont think he'd try it again. If he did he'd be knocked out again though. There is the thing that he could probably have me for assault, since he didn't actually hit my mum. It turns out his nose is actually broken i think, so putting him in hospital wouldn't take a couple of mates. He is a frial 56yo man, whos already had one heart attack, and is heavily diabetic, the guy walks at a snails pace - my mum could take him if she wanted.

He doesn't knwo whether it was me or mum that hit him, he doesn't remember much from teh night before...

Leaving isn't an option, i dont want to anyway, but their relationship has gone to shit. I just wanted to let you guys know how things were going

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a /\/\ i n a l



Posted by bowmore on 12-03-2000 07:23 PM:

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Then it sounds like you have found your answer. Maybe outside help is warranted. Councilling or woman support groups.

You are strong and I admire what you are standing for. Just remember to keep thier relationship far from the centre of yourself.

Just my 2p.

Good luck.


P.S. don't end up in jail.


selah.

------------------------
Happiness is a moveable feast.


Posted by SirRitualMasturbator on 12-03-2000 07:28 PM:

Post

quote:
Originally posted by aminal:
i am not going to leave, unless my mum leaves too. It is his house, but my mum pays all the bills, and if she leaves she'll end up still paying for it. There are a few options, there is a seperate flat downstairs he could move into, or theycoudl divorce an sell the house etc...

I can leave any time i like, providing i have somewhere to stay, I have friends who would put me up for a bit. I am not going to leave my mum like this though. She needs the support i give.

I dont think he'd try it again. If he did he'd be knocked out again though. There is the thing that he could probably have me for assault, since he didn't actually hit my mum. It turns out his nose is actually broken i think, so putting him in hospital wouldn't take a couple of mates. He is a frial 56yo man, whos already had one heart attack, and is heavily diabetic, the guy walks at a snails pace - my mum could take him if she wanted.

He doesn't knwo whether it was me or mum that hit him, he doesn't remember much from teh night before...

Leaving isn't an option, i dont want to anyway, but their relationship has gone to shit. I just wanted to let you guys know how things were going




I feel for you man, but I trust that you will survive any ordeal and make the best out of any situation you can. ...you may even have solved the problem already. Provided you put the fear of god into him to ever do something like that again, you may have gained a significant upper hand. You seem to be a very good hearted person to be concerned about your mother's well being like you are. Talk to her (sober, of course) and explain to her how you feel. Explain to her why you won't move out. It is important that you do not attack him verbally in your mother's presence, however. This will only make you appear judgemental to towards the both of them and instigate a pissing contest between the two of you. Just voice your concerns to her in a non-threatening way. Explain to her how much you care that she is happy and safe.


Posted by Fiend on 12-03-2000 07:32 PM:

Post

i feel as tho you did the right thing and are continuing to do the right thing

talk to your mum and have her explain it to him, i don't think you can have a rational conversation with a guy like that

good luck marc

------------------------
ManHo Inc.


Posted by aminal on 12-03-2000 07:56 PM:

Post

My mum doesn't want me to move out at all... and she wouldn't let me go either
I intend to move out in a few months, but not untill this mess is all sorted out.
She is happy to have my support, and she knows that i will support her in whateer she has to do... and i wont let people hit her

I did do the right thing, and i am not going to talk to this guy untill he sobers up - he went down the oub, mainly to get his story accross first, and show of fthe black eye - probably so i look like the bad guy, but most poeople know i wouldn't have done ith without a reason

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a /\/\ i n a l



[This message has been edited by aminal (edited 12-03-2000).]


Posted by CzEcH rEcK on 12-03-2000 08:22 PM:

Red face

Marc, this is a worrying situation....
If my mum was seeing an arsehole I dident like, I'd make it clear that if he ever layed so much as a finger on her, drink or no drink, he'd be nursing more than a black eye, cos I'd take him for a little walk in the woods......

The problem needs to be sorted at the root level, the knocking out of the cunt was just a temp soloution to the problem.

I don't want to be a drama queen, but if I was in your shoes, I'd be very worried looking @ the bigger picture.

The fact is, by the sounds of it your mum married a prick, and your relationship with him consists of arguing, and punching him out... Are you always like this with him, and visa versa?

Marc, I'll talk to you when I get back in.

Laters

Andy

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Suicide is the most sincere form of self criticism.


Posted by shyloh on 12-03-2000 10:21 PM:

Post

You shouldn't have to move out, if your mother cares more about a guy who gets crazy like that when hes drunk more than her own son, then maybe she shouldn't be a mother

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my heart is broke, but i have some glue


Posted by Rav on 12-03-2000 10:28 PM:

Post

Take him somewhere quiet, ram a screwdriver into his ear and leave him!

Job done!

------------------------
I don't have to sell my soul,
He's already in me.
*
Just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean that they aren't watching me!
*
No sugar thanks, I'm sweet enough already!
*
Stellar ownz me!!!


Posted by Paint CHiPs on 12-03-2000 11:03 PM:

Post

Am I the only one that thinks the mother sounds just as disfunctional as her husband?

No offense, BTW.


Posted by Rav on 12-03-2000 11:06 PM:

Post

quote:
Originally posted by Paint CHiPs:
Am I the only one that thinks the mother sounds just as disfunctional as her husband?

No offense, BTW.



It doesn't matter! His mum is his mum! The stepdad could be anyone at all!

I think generally you will always take your parents side, no matter what their faults and failings may be.



------------------------
I don't have to sell my soul,
He's already in me.
*
Just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean that they aren't watching me!
*
No sugar thanks, I'm sweet enough already!
*
Stellar ownz me!!!


Posted by Paint CHiPs on 12-03-2000 11:19 PM:

Post

quote:
Originally posted by Rav:
It doesn't matter! His mum is his mum! The stepdad could be anyone at all!

I think generally you will always take your parents side, no matter what their faults and failings may be.




Not the point.

Feeding into her disfunction does not help any. Nor does defending it. So he punches the lights out of her asshole boyfriend. What changes? Even if he moved out with her in tow and the two divorce, do you suspect the next guy will set everything straight and all will be well again?

Chances are, if she does choose to move on from this one, the next one will be just as disfunctional. Unless he can free her from her OWN disfunction (or, preferrably, she does it herself with his help), the disfunction around her will remain.

Just a thought.



Posted by morgana on 12-03-2000 11:25 PM:

Post

paint: exactly what i was thinking.

it's really hard to comment on such a personal matter without totally offending you, aminal. but try to step out of your situation for a second to see what we see.

your mother has an alcohol problem. she's married to someone that has the same problem. i'm thinking that this incident happens quite often, as you seem to show no real astonishment at his actions. so this is a repeated cycle. how many times a month do you have to step between them? how many times have you had to mediate thier marriage for them? i know you love your mother. and i know that you don't want anything to happen to her. but this isn't the right way to help her. you're acting as her protector and her crutch. your behaviour is telling her that this cycle is ok. you're always there to stop them, always there to fix things. how will she learn to take care of herself if you always do it for her?

if you feel you must intervene, then do it the right way. take her to a counselor. get her into AA. and make it clear to her that you will only help her at home in these domestic disputes if she goes to counseling and stops drinking. you have to help your mother help herself, or you will always have to be there to pick up the mess.


Posted by Paint CHiPs on 12-03-2000 11:28 PM:

Post

*nods*


Posted by J E B Stuart on 12-03-2000 11:35 PM:

Post

quote:
Originally posted by Paint CHiPs:
Am I the only one that thinks the mother sounds just as disfunctional as her husband?

No offense, BTW.



Aminal, Paint's right on this one. You're not helping anyone by sticking around--not even your mum. Yes, you love her. Time for you to hit the road and make a life for yourself. You can't straighten out this situtation. Amen.


Posted by Rav on 12-03-2000 11:36 PM:

Post

Paint and morgana I agree with both of you! It does sound as if his mum needs help. My mum has a drink problem and is getting help for it now. but that isn't what aminal was saying. It isn't about his mum and what problems she may or may not have. Its about her boyfriend and his drink/attitude problem.
I don't think he should leave his mother with the boyfriend. She should be persuaded and encouraged to go to AA, if that is the problem. But there is no point if she is going home to a hubby who has a drink problem as well - the pressure would be to great, I feel!
If aminal stays with her at least she will have one person as support!

------------------------
I don't have to sell my soul,
He's already in me.
*
Just because I'm paranoid it doesn't mean that they aren't watching me!
*
No sugar thanks, I'm sweet enough already!
*
Stellar ownz me!!!


Posted by aminal on 12-04-2000 06:42 AM:

Post At home

I am having a bit of a drama.

Last night when i got in i found the door locked, and i couldn't get in - this was about 12:30am and i had just got back from work. so i ring the bell... phone the house etc.

No one answers. I know my mum and her huband went out on the piss, so i dontk now whether they are in. Its fucking freezing, and i can't get in. After a few more attempts on the phone, and at the door, I decide to chuck a brick though the window.
I clean up the mess i make and tape over the window.

I find that my mums husband is in, and is drunk... i pretty much expected this much, he came home early from the aprty they went too and my mum was still out. He locked the door to stop mum from getting in.

I call him a fucking idiot and tell him to stay out of my way in the morning.
and i come upstairs and tell chat, still not knowing what has happened to my mum - whether he has thrown her out or whatever.

Anyway - about 3:00am my mum comes in... she is drunk, and somehow manages to piss everywhere on the floor when she is trying to sit on the bog, she also comes into my room almost naked to ask me about the door... i was like "yuk!" She goes downstairs and starts winding him up - they are both very drunk.
He starts shouting that he is going to kick me out, so i go downstairs, and get involved, argue my point...

anyway - at one point he grabs my mum and makes like he is going to punch her in the face... so i lay him out...

the guy falls over and is out cold for about half a minute, his nose and his eye is bleeding everywhere. He wakes up, we clean him up etc...

He got drunk this afternoon and started yelling and everything this afternoon.
He still says he wants me to leave because i threatened him, but there is no way i am leaving while he is likley to hit my mother.

Just thought you guys might wanna know...
offer any opinions you like... i feel like a right inmate now... i very rarley tell you guys stuff like this

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a /\/\ i n a l


Posted by bowmore on 12-04-2000 06:52 AM:

Post

Jesus aminal.

You asked for my opinion and I'll give it though I feel a little voyeuristic peaking into your life like this.

Leave. I know you love your mum and like every good son you want to protect her. She is a Woman and has mader her own choices and has her own life. Tell her you think she is in a destructive relationship and then pack your bags.

A disfuctional relationship can only cause disfunction in those around it. If you want disfunction go and find yer own.

Tell her to ring you if he tries it again. She probably won't but if she does get a couple of mates and put him in the hospital. I have no tolerance for these douchebags.

I wish you well.


selah.




------------------------
Happiness is a moveable feast.


Posted by iglo on 12-04-2000 06:56 AM:

Post

kick him out , as soon as possible , or is it his house ? keep knocking him out when he tries something on your mum and you are around. the fist seems to be the only language he understands.
nothing against getting drunk but what happens over at yours is obviously wrong , both need help !!
your mum should leave him no matter what though

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|*~`~**~`~**~`~**~`~* -==--==- *~`~**~`~**~`~**~`~*


Posted by Dead_Inside on 12-04-2000 06:59 AM:

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Live for your self, not for others.

And when you figure that out, let me know.

Sorry.


Posted by aminal on 12-04-2000 11:34 AM:

Post

My mum really doesn't have a drink problem at all... I dont know where you guys read that from And my mum isn't disfunctional at all, she just made a bad choice in her husband. She doesn't love him more than me at all wendy, i dont think she loves him at all... we stand a lot to gain as he is probably going to die soon anyway, and that means she gets the house, and she has put a lot fo work into that house.

She is not going to leave, as i would not let her, the plan is now to either kick him out or get him to move downstairs into the seperate flat. This incident is a one off... being drunk cos you went to a party does not make you an alchoholic guy

thanx for your concern.


Posted by Princess_Chelle on 12-04-2000 01:49 PM:

Thumbs up

you and your momma could always move in with me.


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