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Posted by creepy uncle on 12-07-2012 08:42 AM:

Contains Llamas

Ok, this thread has been a long time coming and if you harbour an aversion to drama you should back the fuck out now.

They say there is 2 or even 3 sides to any story. Yours, theirs and the truth.
As far as I'm concerned this is the truth as I see it. This isn't a hatchet job or character assassination thread, though at times it will no doubt resemble one.

Besides, I'm smart enough to know that the truth I lay out here will be ignored, dismissed and scoffed at by most of you for various reasons, which I'll touch on later.

I'm writing this mainly because I've lost 5 years of my life following a bunch of false promises and disgusting outright lies. That burden is no longer bearable and it's time to unload. Like I said before, click the back button as this is going to get extremely ugly.

Every story has a beginning but this one has a prequel. Many years ago I foolishly began an online relationship with a member who lurks here, by the name of Nymphetamine. Maybe one of the admins can see if she's reading this and get a laugh?
Kelly was a batshit insane Gemini who spent the whole time lying about her marital status and intentions towards me. I finally caught her out and promptly dumped her. Incidentally I have plenty of her nudes and never once posted them, I'm not that kind of person.
Fast forward a few months and I start talking to Suki, as we both were posting on a now almost dead forum.
First thing I ever tell her is that if we are to progress with any type of relationship we have to have one based on complete honesty. Not much to ask you'd think considering LDR's are hard work.

Have a good look at this photo, let the image burn into your brain:

* edit: picture deleted by request of the member pictured

Now I can tell you without a doubt, that is Suki.

Ok, now check this photo out:

That is one of the first sets of fake photos she sent me. There are many more but you get the point. I spent over a year showing workmates, family and friends my new 'online girlfriend' using that fake shot. Imagine choles meeting her for the first time IRL and looking at me for answers. Awkward.

Eventually she sends me a real photo with dark lighting, long after I've professed my growing feelings for her. I'm like wtf? Why did you break the one rule for us and so soon too?
Of course I get the spiel about her low self esteem and insecurity and she tells me they are her photos, just photoshopped by her sister.

Now a normal, sane person would take this deception as a cue to run like hell. Being nice and already in love I let it slide, but I'm on my guard. If she can decieve me with something as important as her appearance, what else is she hiding?
As it stands, a hell of a lot more.

From the beginning her stated intention was to live in Australia and we were to become a family. In 5 years I spoke to her daughter for 30 seconds, it was like I was being held at arms length from the very people I was supposed to become close to.
With her encouragement her son and my niece started a really sweet kid's romance, sending pictures and letters back and forth.

Suki met my sister, who treated her like a part of our family. She met my mother, sitting there at lunch happily bullshitting her about moving to Australia.
She even impressed my Mother, who like me was taken in, hook,line and sinker by her pathological lying.
As the years dragged on and excuse after excuse as to why she hadn't moved here yet got old, my mother did some covert background checking on our favourite American. I didn't even know, and was only told after I'd walked away.
My mother approached the Funeral company franchise that she supposedly was a part of and no one knew her. All other franchises in New Jersey have an online presence, yet hers didn't. How convenient.

Getting back to fake photos for a minute, she sends me a body painting shot of her ass* (from now on a * means I think she's lying) and an argument ensues about 'morality'. Always on her high horse about morals I ask her about her modesty in posing naked and painted in a room full of strangers.
She assures me she's wearing a thong which suddenly makes everything alright. Only years later do I find out the truth when her story changes and she was nude. Fucking liar.
Now it's the coke and/or the low self esteem that was to blame, nothing like getting your cunt out for strange men to wash away your self doubts...

Most of my time was spent steering Suki through one crisis after another* and giving counsel on how to deal with her ongoing divorce*.
Being old fashioned I insisted that I wanted to pay for my own ticket to the states as I'm not a user (Oh colonel, when you called me that I nearly died laughing) and it was almost 2 years in before I finally could afford the time off work and the ticket.
One day before I'm to leave Suki rings me crying and saying the court has ordered her to move back in with her ex husband.
I cancel my ticket for the first time.

Next chance to go I suggest a time and her sister gets cancer and is her main priority. My travel agent pulls a miracle and gets my ticket refunded on compassionate grounds for the second time.

By the time I cancel again, my ticket has gone from the original price of $1800 to the new sum of $3000. The fourth time is when I finally get Suki to admit she's shit scared of me ever going to the states and meeting her family.

Someone recently asked me what happened between us and I emailed them this. It sums up pretty much the end days and what led me to be writing this fucking awful shit down:

Last time we were together I had the brilliant idea of us getting away to Thailand once she hit Perth.
As it was cheaper and a hell of a lot easier to book both our flights from here I did so, on the proviso that she'd sort me out as soon as she arrived. With her history of having issues paying for stuff I stressed to her I couldn't be fucked around this time and to bring her share of the fare in cold hard yankee doodle dollars.
I'd used my tax money to cover her and I'd also just paid for a new gearbox, so my funds were low...not a problem because she'd bring the cash on arrival right?
She turns up with 500 bucks instead of 1500, saying 'oh, I didn't want to carry so much cash on me'. Nice one. Thanks for agreeing to do just that and then changing your mind without telling me. At this point I'm fucking livid but not showing it.
We'd actually split up for 6 months and this was our 'last chance' to get it together before I'd write her off for being dishonest. I bite my tongue again as usual, smile and ask her how we can sort out the shortfall. 'oh, I've got my card, I'll just go to the bank and withdraw it'.
Ok, sounds legit.
Come time to go to the bank she has magically lost her card as I mentioned to you before. Left it in the cab on the way to the airport.
This I actually believe because I am standing next to her when she rings AMEX and tries to cancel that card.
Anyhow, we go to Thailand a few days later after finding out AMEX can't send her a replacement or give her access to her money and good old Pete is going to cover even more of the holiday.
At some point my spending money is used up and I tell her we're fucked. I don't mention I can get more cash out of the pittance that is left in my poor tax account - fuck that.
I literally twist her arm into doing a cash advance on her CCard which she isn't real happy about. Suck it up I'm thinking, you're the dumb cunt who came here with only 500 clams.
Long story short I'm still 1000 down, back in Perth after being off work for 2 weeks entertaining her and I have a large tax cheque to send off.
I get reassurances from her it will be NO PROBLEM, she'll wire the cash to me, blah blah blah.
I should mention after the holiday she receives a call from her doctor telling her she has a lump in her breast. Looks like stage 2 cancer.
Suddenly my money is put on the back burner while she freaks the fuck out and gets tests done. I'm stuck in the purgatory of trying to support her and NOT hassle her about my finances, knowing I'm in the shit.
Next thing you know she's doing chemo, can't get to the bank, her brother is too busy to wire me the cash, her extended family aren't trustworthy enough to give a grand to...the list of reasons I'm not seeing the cash just gets longer and more convuluted.
I feel like a cunt because I am so worried about her health yet life goes on and I need my cash - I am loathe to bother her.
To try and get a positive out of a negative I suggest I move over there to support her through whatever is coming.
She's fucked from chemo and I could really step up to the plate and show her what a rock I can be.
Take the kids to school, cheerleading, karate, cook and clean and just be there. Of course she says how wonderful I am and yes,please come.
We decide that she'll pay my mortgage while I'm gone and we'll deal with the logistics of that at another time. She'll also pay my air ticket because I'm fucking skint.
Time goes by and she ums and ahs about what is happening vis a vis the ticket. I'm frantically winding up my affairs here, quitting work, redirecting mail etc and stressing about her health.
After our trip to Thailand I feel we've turned a corner and we are meant to be.
The cancer thing is cruel, but I see it as the final impetus to be over there finally and meet her kids.
Things start to drag out, the excuses come pouring in. Suddenly she's trying to get the best price for my ticket, then the chemo's finished and she thinks it would be better to save the money and have me come out there at xmas instead. I'm like WTF? I end up cornering her and ask her if she's scared of me meeting her kids in case I run away from her reality. She sheepishly answers yes Pete, you are probably right. I am so fucking mad I can't even put it into words.
This so-called upper middle class woman has no money to fly me there, and won't because her insecurity makes her shitscared I'll leave her.
I tell her to enjoy her life alone, and thanks for making me waste a 3k airfare on a lie. I also tell her she's choosing definitely pushing me away to giving us a chance.
Being Mr nice guy I give her one last chance to redeem herself, if she can wire me the airfare I'll still come and everything will be ok.
2 weeks later was the point where I just told her to leave me alone and boil in her own cunt.

In short, Suki is a pathological liar and I warn any of you to take anything she says with a massive pinch of salt.
As far as I'm concerned she encouraged me to come and see her, happily watching me waste my hard earned money on plane fare, all the while knowing she'd chicken out when the day came. If she's so fucking rich* you'd think she'd reimburse me out of shame alone. Unluckily for me she is delusional and it all can be blamed on her 'abandonment issues'.
Fucking deadbeat.

There's heaps more to write and I may do so. We'll see.
Right now I feel much better.


Originally posted by creepy uncle
My anus is bleeding.

Posted by creepy uncle on 12-07-2012 09:08 AM:

Oh, and Patrick... I can't let you off the hook so easily with your totally misguided barb about me being a user.

In all the times that duplicitous cunt came to see me in Australia, I paid for nearly everything. Just like a real man would.
The odd bottle of wine here and there and some sporadic food purchases were the only burden she ever bore financially. She was my guest here and was treated accordingly.

Only one time in our 5 years together have I approached her to help me financially, and only because it was her suggestion. My house had been broken into and I desperately wanted security screens fitted. Twice a cheque was lost in the mail. If the money was ever sent I would have paid it back with interest.

My pride prevented me from ever accepting her fake offers of paid flights to see her in the early stages of our 'relationship'. Oh, the flak I copped for my pride....


Originally posted by creepy uncle
My anus is bleeding.

Posted by Coincidence on 12-07-2012 09:25 AM:

Well, thanks for this. Always been curious.

I knew a female mythomaniac once, but thankfully one of her girlfriends was quick to tell me that everything she said was likely a lie of some sort. It was indeed pathological, like an addiction. Her favourite story was telling people she had a husband and kid who had died in a traffic accident - which was a confirmed lie (people actually check out your stories if they get a chance). Even after she had told that girlfriend it was just a story, she would use it on strangers to gain sympathy. Crazy shit.

Anyway. Women, eh? And the men who love them, eh?


You're in the wrnght place.

Posted by creepy uncle on 12-07-2012 09:39 AM:

Interestingly, her story here mirrors a story she told me 3 years ago about another family member.

Same person?
Same lie?
Incredibly bad luck and awful coincidence?

If I had 3k to piss up the wall I'd be tempted to hire a P.I. to background check her entire history.


Originally posted by creepy uncle
My anus is bleeding.

Posted by Muffy on 12-07-2012 10:03 AM:

I feel cheated. There wasn't a single fucking llama in this thread

Posted by Pinecrika on 12-07-2012 10:12 AM:

Originally posted by Muffy
I feel cheated. There wasn't a single fucking llama in this thread


"Let Ebola decide. " ....Tuba

Posted by Muffy on 12-07-2012 10:13 AM:

And this is why I love you very much

Posted by creepy uncle on 12-07-2012 10:18 AM:


Originally posted by creepy uncle
My anus is bleeding.

Posted by karen on 12-07-2012 10:49 AM:

I came for the llamas. I got some llamas.

This thread indeed has llamas. True advertising. 4 stars. Would look again.

Posted by SimpleSimon on 12-07-2012 12:45 PM:

Thread title should be: Contains Drama (queen)

Posted by creepy uncle on 12-07-2012 12:51 PM:

Your autism disallows puns.


Originally posted by creepy uncle
My anus is bleeding.

Posted by SimpleSimon on 12-07-2012 01:31 PM:


Then again, perhaps not.

Posted by Brett on 12-07-2012 02:05 PM:

I vote "Perhaps." Is it too late to add a poll?

Posted by SimpleSimon on 12-07-2012 02:07 PM:

Yes, it is.

Create your own, tweaker.

Posted by ignatz mouse on 12-07-2012 03:24 PM:

I feel so much better after seeing the llamas. Now can we all go back to not giving a shit and being friends with both of you?

Posted by mudded on 12-07-2012 03:45 PM:

TL.DR version?

Sometimes online stuff works out, and most times they don't. It is unwise to gamble with resources one can ill afford to lose.


Posted by rust on 12-07-2012 04:33 PM:

are those boobs real

Posted by Rokkr on 12-07-2012 05:03 PM:

True or not stuff like this is no one's business but those involved. That's pretty much my belief.

If I experienced this, I'd not feel the need to make it public. My best friend, at most.


Admin Qualified

Posted by skalie on 12-07-2012 05:16 PM:

We are cruncle's best friend, Rokkr.

Posted by Cockney_Rebel on 12-07-2012 08:09 PM:

Originally posted by rust
are those boobs real

Who cares?

Posted by rust on 12-07-2012 09:05 PM:

Originally posted by Cockney_Rebel
Who cares?

Posted by Roshigoth on 12-08-2012 12:29 AM:

Wait, does this means she's not black?


Posted by Muffy on 12-08-2012 12:48 AM:

She stole 3k. Of course she's black.

Posted by FuhQall on 12-08-2012 02:54 PM:

^ funniest reply ever, also the truest. [p]


Shit, Motherfucker, Fuck, Shit!

Posted by FuhQall on 12-08-2012 03:12 PM:

I think it is only fair to whip out the bodypaint ass shot.


Shit, Motherfucker, Fuck, Shit!

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