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-- The neighbor's donkey escaped... (http://asylumnation.com/asylum/showthread.php?threadid=906)


Posted by bunkum on 08-19-2000 01:24 PM:

Post The neighbor's donkey escaped...

No shit...I've been up since 5 a.m. (that's what I get for collapsing around 8 p.m.), and I've been sitting here working industriously (lies, all lies). Periodically, my neighbor's donkey gets quite agitated, and sets up a braying festival like you've never heard.

Well, the braying has been fairly consistent for the past few hours. And just five minutes ago, I noticed that it was much louder than ever before. I look outside the window, and there it is, munching the grass next to the pond. The fucking donkey has escaped, and I'm not sure who it belongs to!

Problem is...I would contain it if I had the fencing, or even if I had a first-floor apartment. I don't think the donkey will make it up the stairs, nor would my dog appreciate it too much. Plus, it might take a dump on my floor, and that would be bad.

I really don't want to call animal control services because the owners would be fined probably for having a loose farm animal. Gee, I wish I knew who owned this donkey.


Posted by JoeyCat on 08-19-2000 01:35 PM:

Post

Well bunkum, your life is certainly much more exciting than mine!


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Boo!

Sig courtsey of Dead_Inside, My Head Bitch


Posted by memdink on 08-19-2000 01:45 PM:

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Your neighbors have a donkey and you don't know who's it is? I take it you're not in the city? That's just weird... donkies in people's yard.


Posted by bunkum on 08-19-2000 02:03 PM:

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heh heh...yeah, I kinda live in the sticks.


Posted by aminal on 08-19-2000 03:29 PM:

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what the fuck are your neihbors doing with a donkey? fucking hell... i'd call animal control, because if people are keeping farm animals that can get out then they _should_ be fined.

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a /\/\ i n a l


Posted by bunkum on 08-19-2000 04:32 PM:

Post

quote:
Originally posted by aminal:
what the fuck are your neihbors doing with a donkey? fucking hell... i'd call animal control, because if people are keeping farm animals that can get out then they _should_ be fined.





I prefer to deal with people one on one, to keep "agencies" out of stuff as much as possible. They came and got the donkey anyway.

Oh, exceptions to the agency bit...abused animals or abused people.


Posted by aminal on 08-19-2000 04:44 PM:

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i woudl consider any normally domesticated animal allowed to roam free to get hit by cars etc to be not treated properly - what if the animal had got hurt

anyway i am glad they came and got it

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a /\/\ i n a l


Posted by Pangloss on 08-19-2000 04:47 PM:

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I think I'm a bit late with this one, but I'll offer advice anyway. I live in the sticks too, so I know wherefore I speak.

Firstly, don't take the donkey inside. Yes, it will shit everywhere, they do when they are scared. Definitely to not take up any stairs. They'll get up okay, but their leg joints prevent them coming down. I'm serious about that.

I think your best course of action is brute force. If you're not strong enough, find the nearest man and loop a piece of rope around the animal's neck. Don't try the cajolling thing - they don't respond. If you're fairly stong and fir you should be able to manhandle it back to where it belongs. They aren't that strong.

Failing that, go get a fancy dress donkey outfit, wiggle your bum at it, and then run like fuck towards its own field. Pray you can get in and climb the fence before it reaches you.

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I gave myself to sin, I gave myself to providence,
And I've been there and back again, the state that I am in ...


Posted by brimstone on 08-19-2000 09:40 PM:

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one word

beastiality

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-brimstone


Posted by J E B Stuart on 08-19-2000 09:49 PM:

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quote:
Originally posted by bunkum:
...Periodically, my neighbor's donkey gets quite agitated, and sets up a braying festival like you've never heard.

Well, the braying has been fairly consistent for the past few hours. And just five minutes ago, I noticed that it was much louder than ever before....



Bunkum, I'm sooo sorry about the noise and racket, but I think I've got your problem resolved. I will explain:

Yesterday evening, my dog Fred got hungry, so he and I hopped in the pickup and went to the all-night convenience store to get him some vienna sausages, one of his favorite snacks. On the way back, we took the road by your place. We also heard heard what sounded like the frantic braying of a donkey in distress.

Concerned, we pulled over to investigate. We quietly got out and I immediately saw a figure in the shadows just outside your bedroom window. We crept closer, my eyes adjusted, and it quickly became apparent there was a man standing on boxes with his face pressed against the window. When Fred started making a low, throaty growl, I froze in my tracks. To my utter shock and dismay, I realized the man outside your window was none other than that jackass Wonderaz--wearing only a pair of black, lace-up combat boots and a white brassiere!

Your neighbor's donkey was about fifteen feet away, braying and braying! That jackass outside your window kept waving and gesturing in a luckless effort to 'shoosh' the donkey away.

All of a sudden, WHOOSH! Fred made a bee-line to Wonderaz. He fell backwards off the boxes when he saw Fred coming. Ol' Wonder then got up and, of course, made a futile attempt to run. He made all of three steeps before Fred pounced on him.

In your post, you said, "...just five minutes ago, I noticed that it (the braying) was much louder than ever before". That was NOT your neighbor's donkey you heard. Decorum will not permit me to relate in this forum the explicit details of the foul consequences that followed. Suffice it to say, after your neighbor's donkey and Fred finished their business with Wonderaz, the donkey resumed munching grass and Fred came back to the pickup and curled up in the seat.

I could still hear Wonder braying as we drove away.... Amen.


Posted by billgerat on 08-19-2000 09:53 PM:

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As a tribute to Fred, to paraphrase an old saying, if Fred didn't exist, he would have been invented!

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The Word of the Day is: Carminative (adj.) - Pertaining to farting. (n.) - a medicine to induce farting.


Posted by wonderaz on 08-19-2000 10:08 PM:

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That wasn't a bra, it was a camcorder, which. by the way, your fucking fleabag hound got the tape out of.
But that wasn't ALL I was wearing, JEB, wear your glasses next time, you fossil, the Judge said the next time he finds out you've been driving without glasses...
Anyway that is the last time I wear pantyhose while getting footage for the forum. You would bray too after that. Fucking Fred, the furbag needs to be shot, I tell ya.
Worse wedgie I ever had.


Posted by Princess_Chelle on 08-19-2000 11:20 PM:

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i will forever cherish the mental image i have of wonder in a bra and lace up boots. yehaw!


Posted by voncrud on 08-20-2000 02:17 AM:

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*nods*

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filth. disgust. I.
a m e r i k a n j u n k i e . n e t


Posted by J E B Stuart on 08-20-2000 10:22 PM:

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quote:
Originally posted by wonderaz:
That wasn't a bra, it was a camcorder, which. by the way, your fucking fleabag hound got the tape out of....

Anyway that is the last time I wear pantyhose while getting footage for the forum....



Hey, ol' pal. I've got just one thing to say--YOU JACKASS!! We could have made a small fortune with some primo footage of bunkum, but NOOOOO!!

Next time (indeed, if there is a next time), remember to push the goddamn RECORD button on the goddamn camcorder. Thanks to you, all Fred brings back to the pickup is a copy of "MstrG's Medieval Showcase & Review".

p.s. Umm, go ahead and keep the pantyhose. After what Fred & donkey did to you, I don't think I want 'em back. Amen.


Posted by bunkum on 08-20-2000 10:59 PM:

Talking

I will consider Fred to be my hero, since he stopped the filming episode. Wonderaz, next time I see you out there, I'll sic my Christian neighbors on you. Then you'll be sorry!


Posted by GnpGnop on 08-20-2000 11:09 PM:

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i like donkeys. there screaming puts me at ease


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