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Caffeine
Caffeine

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 7118
Heckler replies.

Yet another topic where I narrowly avoid having it moved to another forum.

Good grammar and all of that.

Anyway.

Mike Doughty (of Soul Coughing) was being heckled at a show. Just some drunk requesting silly songs. Nothing incredibly rough.

His (and it's typical) reply was "I don't go to your place of work and take the cock out of your mouth so fuck off". Paraphrased, of course.

Have any of you heard a really good on-the-fly reply? For any facet of entertaining, I suppose.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 12:06 AM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
Posts: 21761

"Military operations have commenced in Iraq"

The President after he was heckled by Saddam.

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quote:
Originally posted by Coincidence
Wonder is right *gasp*.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 12:27 AM
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morgasm
nothing like the sun

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Berkeley, California
Posts: 830

Not really heckling, but...

At the last A Perfect Circle (APC) show I went to, Maynard (the lead singer)was going off on one of his usual rants. As is the case at all rock concerts, many people were talking and interacting as he went on...and on...and on... Finally he stops and screams:

"Shut the fuck up! Can't you hear me talking, assholes?"

Needless to say, a deathly silence fell over the room. No one fucks with the God of rock, or something.

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morgasm
'pox take thy ballocks, thou reechy varlet/Thy dad a cuckold and thy mother a harlot/And squeeze the cheese from thy filthy nog.' - Anthony Burgess

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Old Post 04-10-2004 12:33 AM
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Trenchant_Troll
ad hominid

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 44689

I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it.

Kerry when heckled by a supporter.

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Those who beat their swords into plowshares will ultimately be enslaved by those who did not.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 12:38 AM
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CHiPsJr
Ginger-headed Troll

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7511

"I don't know whether you're more likely to die on the gallows or of the pox!"

"That will depend on whether I first embrace your principles or your mistresses."

Best snappy comeback ever.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 12:50 AM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
Posts: 21761

Who said that, Chips?

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quote:
Originally posted by Coincidence
Wonder is right *gasp*.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 12:54 AM
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DevilMoon
passive stalker?

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: zanzibar
Posts: 10594
Re: Heckler replies.

quote:
Originally posted by Caffeine
His (and it's typical) reply was "I don't go to your place of work and take the cock out of your mouth so fuck off". Paraphrased, of course.


That is one of the standard responses to a heckler. Comedians usually have a lot of them ready.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 01:00 AM
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Trenchant_Troll
ad hominid

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 44689

quote:
Originally posted by wonderaz
Who said that, Chips?


I dunno, but I've a mighty hankering for a sandwich right now.

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Those who beat their swords into plowshares will ultimately be enslaved by those who did not.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 01:07 AM
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Trenchant_Troll
ad hominid

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 44689

"If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath."

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Those who beat their swords into plowshares will ultimately be enslaved by those who did not.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 01:14 AM
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Peter_Torque
Grill Instructor

Registered: May 2002
Location: No. California
Posts: 4175

quote:
Originally posted by wonderaz
"Military operations have commenced in Iraq"

The President after he was heckled by Saddam.



quote:
Originally posted by Trenchant_Troll
I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it.

Kerry when heckled by a supporter.



quote:
Originally posted by Trenchant_Troll
I dunno, but I've a mighty hankering for a sandwich right now.


quote:
Originally posted by Trenchant_Troll
"If any of you has a sheep and it falls into a pit on the Sabbath, will you not take hold of it and lift it out? How much more valuable is a man than a sheep! Therefore it is lawful to do good on the Sabbath."


And who ever said right-wingers have no sense of humor?

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Old Post 04-10-2004 02:00 AM
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Trenchant_Troll
ad hominid

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 44689

We have a great sense of humor. We laugh at Liberals nonstop.

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Those who beat their swords into plowshares will ultimately be enslaved by those who did not.

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Rokkr
Completely Wack

Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Somewhere Better Than Here
Posts: 16974

Lady Astor to Wiston Churchill:
"Sir, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your tea."

Churchill:
"Madam if I were your husband, I'd drink it."

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Old Post 04-10-2004 02:20 AM
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Trenchant_Troll
ad hominid

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 44689

quote:
Originally posted by Rokkr
Lady Astor to Wiston Churchill:
"Sir, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your tea."

Churchill:
"Madam if I were your husband, I'd drink it."



YES! I forgot that one! [P]

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Those who beat their swords into plowshares will ultimately be enslaved by those who did not.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 02:22 AM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
Posts: 21761

quote:
Originally posted by Rokkr
Lady Astor to Wiston Churchill:
"Sir, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your tea."

Churchill:
"Madam if I were your husband, I'd drink it."



Winner so far.

__________________
quote:
Originally posted by Coincidence
Wonder is right *gasp*.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 02:23 AM
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Dead_Inside
Joey's Head Bitch

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: NH
Posts: 6093

quote:
Here is another example of British humour. "That depends upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistresses," replied Benjamin Disraeli when Gladstone, who was known for his witty remarks, said "Disraeli, you will end up either in the gallows or with some loathsome disease."


That's CHIPsJR's post.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 02:35 AM
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Goatboy
the anticlimax

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: A New England
Posts: 9208

I thought using the Ayatollah's money to support the Nicaraguan resistance was a neat idea

Like, haha. ha.

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Arbeit Macht Frei

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Old Post 04-10-2004 03:05 AM
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CHiPsJr
Ginger-headed Troll

Registered: Sep 2000
Location: Kansas City
Posts: 7511

Another Churchill/Astor:

LA: Winston, you're drunk!

WC: Indeed, Lady Astor. And you are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober...

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Old Post 04-10-2004 03:12 AM
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Large Filipino
Fuck me hard in my arse.

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 53161

The movie "Easy Riders":

"Is this the only way you know how to treat a lady?"


"It's A way."



"It's a damm good way!"



Classic!

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I would throw it in a Orangutan enclosure
And watch the orgy.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 06:16 AM
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Cockney_Rebel
Scarred for Life

Registered: Nov 2003
Location:
Posts: 9512

quote:
Originally posted by CHiPsJr
Another Churchill/Astor:

LA: Winston, you're drunk!

WC: Indeed, Lady Astor. And you are ugly. But tomorrow, I shall be sober...



Tack (sort of). That was my sig a month or two ago.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 07:08 AM
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tack
jackaroo

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 4925

theres no T in tack, sucker.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 07:52 AM
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Cockney_Rebel
Scarred for Life

Registered: Nov 2003
Location:
Posts: 9512

yes there is. prove it.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 09:06 AM
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FuhQall
High Flyer

Registered: Apr 2002
Location: At Home
Posts: 8349

I'm not sure if this applies:

I was sitting behind the counter in my shop having a sandwich and some guy walks in while talking on his cellphone, I heard him say something like "the attendant is sitting behind the counter stuffing his face...". He walked around and asked some questions about a windsurfer to which I answered, we then walked outside. On the way out I took an energy drink out of the cooler and when outside I lit a cigarette. He said in a condescending manner "does the boss mind you drinking and smoking on his account?" to which I replied "I dunno, ask him, he was the dude sitting behind the counter stuffing his face..."

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Shit, Motherfucker, Fuck, Shit!

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Old Post 04-10-2004 11:06 AM
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Trenchant_Troll
ad hominid

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 44689

quote:
Originally posted by tack
theres no T in tack, sucker.


Is that like some rule of thumb, tack?

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Old Post 04-10-2004 04:06 PM
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Rokkr
Completely Wack

Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Somewhere Better Than Here
Posts: 16974

quote:
Originally posted by Cockney_Rebel
yes there is. prove it.


tack wins this one.

There IS no T in tack, there is however a t.

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Old Post 04-10-2004 04:18 PM
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Vyper
Psychodynamic

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Yeah, I'm there
Posts: 3359

Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Is this seat empty?
Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

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Some people realize that their history of suffering can be a hero's saga rather than a victim's whine, depending on how they write it.

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