I am thinking of building a dream house with the following sort of amenities:
About 14,000 square feet ( I chose that number because a girl once told me to get lost because she was marrying a man with "nearly a 14000 square foot house" and he incidentally had a 30,000 acre ranch and an $8 million dollar bank account)
A swimming pool (olympic) and spa and hot tub with a sauna and ice pool in the cabana
A reception hall big enough to hold a band and throw a dance.
A billiard room with both pool and snooker tables.
A library which would easily shelve 10,000 books.
A kitchen with fire place (with spit and pothooks), island stove, convection oven and all the standard amenities.
A wine cellar to shelve several hunjdred bottles of vintage wine and port.
A master bedroom with dressing room and a step down into bath
as well as shower.
At least ten bedrooms plus servants quarters so I could occasionally throw a party.
A dining table that would seat forty.
Servant quarters for a staff of ten.
Complete climate control.
An attached workshop.
An orchard and garden (with gardner).
Masonry construction stout enough to stop a cannon ball.
The question of siting is sgnificant. I would hate to leave El Rio de los Brazos de Dios but I could be tempted by the arc of shore lying between Valencia Spain and Genoa Italy. I would like to be able to grow limes, lemons, and oranges---and maybe dates.
Do you have any ideas about what I may have missed in my specifications above?
I just don't associate smug with ballrooms, nor my father for that matter. I can see the fireplace in teh kitchen, but only if you have some irritable peasant woman to work it and run you off when you meddle. You don't deserve the illiterate redhead with the bodacious tatas.
What about my monastery? I would let you work the olive orchard.
Wonderful ideas--all of them. The secret passages are a must as are both clockwise and counterclockwise spiral staircases (to the benefit therefore of both right handed and lefthanded swordsmen) and I am ashamed to have not thought of ther bowling alleys (note plural) and cinema. Lots more bathrooms. Good stuff---I'm writing.
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should notï¿½the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman
quote:Originally posted by Mugtoe I just don't associate smug with ballrooms, nor my father for that matter. I can see the fireplace in teh kitchen, but only if you have some irritable peasant woman to work it and run you off when you meddle. You don't deserve the illiterate redhead with the bodacious tatas.
What about my monastery? I would let you work the olive orchard.
The deal where I provide redheads and inherit the property transfers from the farm to the new palatial complex. Mugtoe can build himself a shack on the grounds as long as it can't be seen from the main property.
The family coat of arms would look nice on the bottom of the pool.
And on the bottom of the 50,000 gallon saltwater aquarium. And a herd of serfs out working the vineyards and threshing the wheat and whatnot. Buxom Romany women treading the crop in wooden vats alongside whitewashed garden walls. We could import meskins in a pinch, and keep a rotating stock besides. But this would be no Potemkin's village. These would be happy, song-filled peasants who cared for every hair on our heads as if they were their own. HOw could they feel otherwise? Any of them with attitude problems would be relegated to helping with the wild boar hunts back in the hills at the southern end of our property (down around Chihuahua). The ones who made it back would likely be rendered sweetly reasonable and song-filled like their compatriots.
I'm likin the fireside cookin more and more. And ruddy-faced peasant women in the backyard around beehive ovens making bread and butchering game hen and pheasant and hare.
That's a nice start and all, but I feel you are missing some fundamental standards of comfortable living:
a bar (if you want the 18-25 year old girls to hang out at the oxsan crib, you need to make it stocked and free of charge)
while you're probably going for the more dignified approach with your parlor/billiards room, i'd suggest dumbing it down a little by adding some dart boards, a foosball table, and maybe a few choice arcade games (pinball, pacman, campcom vs. snk 2, i dunno, whatever your prefer)
an elevator... even if your house is only two floors, you need an elevator (or an escalator, i suppose)
an outdoor basketball/tennis court
someone already suggested a home cinema, but i feel you need two, one for feature films and to screen movies with ebert and whatnot, and...
the Pr0n Room, to be accessed by the also aforementioned secret passageway. Have a built in stripping pole for when you throw "those kinds" of parties, as well as one of the worlds largest collections of lesbian DVDs, viewable, of course, from multiple angles. While your bar might have ale on tap, I'd suggest the having the one in the XXX room connected to an economy sized vat of hand lotion.
a shooting/archery range
one of the bedrooms should be furnished entirely through legos
an observatory/poop deck complete with hubble-esque telescope
refridgerators in all the bathrooms
your servants shoudl be comprised of a sensible mix of robots and playboy bunnies.
not sure what kind of workshop you were refering to, id assume the standard "tool kit" kind, but maybe a lab of some sorts? where you can do your genetic engineering and chemical expirementation.
a picture of dorian gray
a revolving garage that, from above, sort of resembles a pizza. each one of the "slices" would be a section of the garage with a really fucking cool car in it. you'd only have one garage door/outside entrance, but the garage would rotate to position the entrance for whatever car you wish to be driving.
on top of the garage, have your dining room for when guests come. it'll revolve like that the top of the space nedle or whatever.
hmm, that should cover it, for now.
edit: upon further reflection, the arcade should be separate from the billiards room. you could have dozens of console and stand-up arcade games there. it could be a "hang-out" spot for all the troubled boys in the area, to prevent them from joining gangs.
of course... one of the walls would have a huge half-silvered mirror on it, so when Mug comes to visit, he can sit in the adjacent room and touch himself while watching the young men frollick.
My personal tastes are less grandiose. I want an african kraal-type complex of various sized circular buildings, interconnected by covered lanaia's, done in austin stone with standing seam copper roofs.
Central one would be 42 feet diameter, and would be the main public space of the complex, with kitchen/dining/living areas opening into one another.
Opening off that would be a 26 foot diameter master bedroom with a seperate 16 foot diameter master bath and closet adjacent.
A seperate complex about 60 degrees around the central circle would be 3 separate guest suites with ensuite bath for each. Between the two bedroom complexes would be an oval pool, with separate hot tub and cold tubs beside it.
I really like the rotating slab garage floor idea, parking for 6 would be sufficient. Adjoining that I would want a wood shop and studio - I'd really like to do some more carving. That I'd do as a 150 degree arc off the garage circle.
All of this on about 1,200 acres in Happy Valley area of southern Oregon. On the property would be a couple of smaller, tucked out of sight, more conventional residences for the farm manager and the staff.
Don't forget the bomb shelter with two foot thick steel doors, 5 years of food water, & guns out the yinyang. Oh, and the shelter should sit deep underground on giant springs like NORAD. Preferabbly under a mountain.
Now that I think of it, my dream house would be totally underground. I'd live in my bomb shelter.