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Asylum Forums : Powered by vBulletin version 2.2.8 Asylum Forums > The Lost Forum > Asylum Dumbfuck Tournament, Round 1: Dumbfucks w/Agendas
Vote for ONE name from each pair moving downwards
This poll is closed.
SimpleSimon 43 7.98%
Jeitarium 23 4.27%
euphorbia 38 7.05%
pinecrika 31 5.75%
lanin 32 5.94%
philjit 34 6.31%
GimpyDivo 54 10.02%
tesselated 11 2.04%
Satan'sLeftHand 25 4.64%
torque 39 7.24%
ThimblesWorthofOpinion 44 8.16%
Morgana 34 6.31%
Mordecai 39 7.24%
PaintCHiPS 27 5.01%
squee 54 10.02%
memdink 11 2.04%
Total: 77 votes 100%
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Rokkr
Completely Wack

Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Somewhere Better Than Here
Posts: 16974
Asylum Dumbfuck Tournament - Round 1 Dumbfucks w/Agendas




This is simple people, don't fuck it up.
Starting at the top of the poll, every two names are matched against each other. Pick ONE of the two to vote for.
Do the same for the next two.
There are 16 names, you should vote for 8 of them, one from each pair.
Got it? Go.

Commentary and predictions courtesy of Smug Git.

SimpleSimon: Master of the Loafer and too dumb to just die. Looks like Colonel Sanders. Serial offender in the Free Word Association thread. A tough side of the draw, but don't count this one-armed mostly-paralysed crippled old codger out.

Versus

Jeitarium: After a quiet start, has blossomed into full epic dumbfuckery in PDM through woeful misreading of background material. The question we all want answered is 'has he peaked yet'? Will get a needed blooding this year, but a strong contender for next year's competition, if he holds his course.




Euphorbia: Wearing her heart on her sleeve, Euphorbia isn't afraid to share every aspect of her life with a forum of sarcastic misogynist. Voted for Bush, but what do you expect, she's a woman, duh. Opinion is divided as to whether she was dumber to put a gun in Phil's mouth or to do it without first ensuring that the gun was loaded.

Versus

Pinecrika: Feared by trees and dogs everywhere, Pinecrika's enthusiasm for irresponsible gun use has not been significantly tempered by the responsibilities of fatherhood. Even in Idaho, they don't think he's too smart. A heavily armed dark horse.




Lanin: Everyone strongly suspects that Lanin has smoked Mugtoe's pole and this disturbing image tends to overshadow some of the very creditable efforts that Lanin has made in the field of dumbfuckery. Not that supping from the cup of Mug isn't a strong indicator of dumbfuckery in itself. No one can read his posts without imagining him kneeling on the bathroom floor with his head in the toilet, gurgling 'yeah, yeah, give it to me big boy, I like it hard' while Mugtoe cornholes away like a jackrabbit on speed.

Versus

Philjit: The extraordinary lameness of the Phil00ky 'experiment' can never be truly forgotten; like 3-day old skunk roadkill, its vile stench permeates the vicinity, a malodourous cloud of ill-advised dumbfuckery that has left a PERMANENTLY ETCHED MARK ON THE VERY SOUL OF THE FORUM.




GimpyDivo: A recent surge of dumbfuckery from GimpyDivo has brought him nearer the front of the forum consciousness but he still lacks a stupendously stupid stance for the asylumites to hang on him. The contest has come too early for him, I think.

Versus

Tesselated: The darkest of dark horses, Tesselated skirts the fringes of the forum, sniping at Intelligent Design as if anyone will pay attention to someone with a post count as low as his. You need a lot of posts before you count in this forum, bucko. Learn that lesson and post shit in the Free Word Association like the other dumbfucks. Make sure to buy friends with the pernt credits that you get and remember, if no one answers your post within the 40 seconds, it's OK to do answer it yourself.




Satan'sLeftHand: Has stuck with his father these years in the hopes of learning the secrets of Loafer-Fu, a quest that has taken them to Shitholesville, Louisiana. Continually planning to build computers that he can't come close to affording and yet to master the family art of overly definitive statements, SLH is adrift on the sea of dumbfuckery and charting no course.

Versus

Torque: Driven by his quest to find the stupidest accent in the world, a path that began in Liverpool and has finally ended in the American South, Torque's not one to let logical thought override the more satisfying course of emotional overreaction. Quiet and keeps to himself. That's what his neighbours will say when they're interviewed after he guns down 5 preschoolers for not loving America enough.




TWOO: One might think that it can only be a matter of time before Thimble realises that he needn't bother reading all that stuff that he links and pastes, because no one else will read it anyhow. To believe that, however, is to sorely underestimate the levels of deluded dumbfuckery that seethe inside this uncharacteristically rude Canadian.

Versus

Morgana: Morgana's project to fight back the ravages of time through liberal use of hairdye is almost the sole indication of the roils of dumbfuckery hidden within her pasty-skinned head. Defeat here could halt the dizzy rise to sucess that has taken her from Cleft Palate, WV, to HairLip, SC, in only a matter of decades.




Mordecai: Colorado's gayest builder and pioneer of the irritatingly pointless attribution at the end of every post (we can see who wrote the fucking thing, dickwad), Mord's life has come full circle, from a beginning as a tiny little irritation dependent on his parents, through failed marriage, Sugar Daddys and unemployment, right back to where he started. His nomination as much a feature of longevity as peak performance, Mord needs people to remember how much they hated his continual posting of pictures of his midget cock if he is to progress far.

Versus

PaintCHiPs: If life as a drunk washed-up loser has taught paint anything, it's not to try too hard. Despite his complete apathy, paint's 27 years of following his mother around have finally brought him to the brink of a meaningless degree. Will his life continue to swirl around the bowl or can he claw his way back to his previous heights of McDonalds Crew Member? Your vote could push him over the edge. Use it wisely.




Squee: Gay for Jesus, dumb for God and infused with the spirit of The Lord, Squee is driven to explain his faith, and its relevance, to a forum of drugtaking drunk porn addicted no-life saddos. If insanity is repeating the same act again and again and expecting a different result, dumbfuckery is surely preaching the Word of the Lord to scatfiends. Add in his musings on the relationship between Men and Women and Squee is one of the favourites to win the 'Dumbfucks with Agendas' bracket outright.

Versus

Memdink: Thinks that herpes is a good thing to have because it keeps him faithful. Pastes stories from NewsMaxx. Dumb, like herpes, is forever; memdink has a fine chance if he can make it over the first hurdle and build some momentum, but he's a slow starter (other than in the field of contracting STDs).




Predictions:

SimpleSimon v Jeitarium: SS makes it though name recognition and track record. Jeitarium needn't feel bitter, though, because recent promising posts show that GFY's 'Hysterically Emotional King of Retardation' crown is not beyond his grasp in the months and years to come.

Euphorbia v Pincrika. In the battle of stupid gun poses, Euphorbia comes out ahead for being a woman and voting for Bush. Because, like, women are so smart, right.

Lanin v Philjit: No real contest. Lanin's only votes come from Phil supporters, while Phil draws strong support from across the board. Life's not a popularity contest, but these fucking stupid forum polls are. Phil, at a gay canter.

GimpyDivo v Tesselated: The battle of the dark horses. GimpyDivo's recent activity gives him the clear edge in this, but the winner won't progress far. A sideshow, for this year.

SLH v Torque: A tough one to call. Torque has the experience of age and the brainwashing of the US Marine Corps on his side, but SLH has the ingenious dumbfuckery of the young male, which we underestimate at our very great peril. It's almost a tie, but I think that voter's fear of Torque's great accuracy with the long gun, and his larger store of ammunition, will drive SLH through to the second round.

Thimble's Worth of Opinion v Morgana: Thimble at a walk. Even if TWOO hadn't upset every American on the forum, the desperate and pathetic desire on the part of many male asylumites to see finally get to see Morgana's tits is too strong to risk her taking her twin limes away in a fit of pique. Thimble has at least another round in him yet.

PaintCHiPs v Mordecai: The Battle of the Bisekshual midget mommy's boys. Mord has a strong presence, but hasn't upset enough Bush supporters to prevent Paint's progress to the second round, wheras paint has blown off more than one asylum pissup BY BEING A SPINELESS MAGGOT, YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKING WORM? A deserved victory for Paint AND HE CAN MUSE ON THAT WHILE HE BURNS IN THE HELLFIRES.

Squee v Memdink: With much of Memdink's dumbfuckery restricted to Politicas, Squee's higher visibility efforts will allow him to steamroller on through. With a luckier draw, Memdink might have progressed, but he was doomed to eat Squee's dumbfuck dust from the moment that the names came out of the hat.[/b]

The poll is set for FOUR days. The poll will close after that.



Edit: fixed horizontal scrolling & formatting - fuck you smug - Dingle

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Last edited by Dingle on 11-24-2005 at 10:59 AM

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:26 PM
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skalie
Locksmith of Lurve

Registered: Sep 2001
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 18916

Shitload of horizontal scrolling there, Rokkr.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:34 PM
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T
tiTalating Revelator...

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Behind this monitor.
Posts: 6672

Just quote him to read it skalie. Don't forget to vote for him for this, though.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:35 PM
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ignatz mouse
gone with the wind

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: The Wetlands
Posts: 17938

yeah: 'this is simple people, don't fuck it up.' ahem. Rokkr still wins. and smug gets pernts for that insightful analysis (except for missing the boat on lanin, entirely).

"bisekshual midget mommys boys"

bwahahahahaha!

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:38 PM
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Smug Git
Arrogance Personified

Registered: Aug 2001
Location: Hilbert Space
Posts: 36297

I have faith in Phil to make up the deficit.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:40 PM
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aminal
incomplete

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Erehwon
Posts: 7583
Re: Asylum Dumbfuck Tournament - Round 1 Dumbfucks w/Agendas

Quoted for legibility:

quote:
Originally posted by Rokkr
Commentary and predictions courtesy of Smug Git.

SimpleSimon: Master of the Loafer and too dumb to just die. Looks like Colonel Sanders. Serial offender in the Free Word Association thread. A tough side of the draw, but don't count this one-armed mostly-paralysed crippled old codger out.

Jeitarium: After a quiet start, has blossomed into full epic dumbfuckery in PDM through woeful misreading of background material. The question we all want answered is 'has he peaked yet'? Will get a needed blooding this year, but a strong contender for next year's competition, if he holds his course.

Euphorbia: Wearing her heart on her sleeve, Euphorbia isn't afraid to share every aspect of her life with a forum of sarcastic misogynist. Voted for Bush, but what do you expect, she's a woman, duh. Opinion is divided as to whether she was dumber to put a gun in Phil's mouth or to do it without first ensuring that the gun was loaded.

Pinecrika: Feared by trees and dogs everywhere, Pinecrika's enthusiasm for irresponsible gun use has not been significantly tempered by the responsibilities of fatherhood. Even in Idaho, they don't think he's too smart. A heavily armed dark horse.

Lanin: Everyone strongly suspects that Lanin has smoked Mugtoe's pole and this disturbing image tends to overshadow some of the very creditable efforts that Lanin has made in the field of dumbfuckery. Not that supping from the cup of Mug isn't a strong indicator of dumbfuckery in itself. No one can read his posts without imagining him kneeling on the bathroom floor with his head in the toilet, gurgling 'yeah, yeah, give it to me big boy, I like it hard' while Mugtoe cornholes away like a jackrabbit on speed.

Philjit: The extraordinary lameness of the Phil00ky 'experiment' can never be truly forgotten; like 3-day old skunk roadkill, its vile stench permeates the vicinity, a malodourous cloud of ill-advised dumbfuckery that has left a PERMANENTLY ETCHED MARK ON THE VERY SOUL OF THE FORUM.

GimpyDivo: A recent surge of dumbfuckery from GimpyDivo has brought him nearer the front of the forum consciousness but he still lacks a stupendously stupid stance for the asylumites to hang on him. The contest has come too early for him, I think.

Tesselated: The darkest of dark horses, Tesselated skirts the fringes of the forum, sniping at Intelligent Design as if anyone will pay attention to someone with a post count as low as his. You need a lot of posts before you count in this forum, bucko. Learn that lesson and post shit in the Free Word Association like the other dumbfucks. Make sure to buy friends with the pernt credits that you get and remember, if no one answers your post within the 40 seconds, it's OK to do answer it yourself.

Satan'sLeftHand: Has stuck with his father these years in the hopes of learning the secrets of Loafer-Fu, a quest that has taken them to Shitholesville, Louisiana. Continually planning to build computers that he can't come close to affording and yet to master the family art of overly definitive statements, SLH is adrift on the sea of dumbfuckery and charting no course.

Torque: Driven by his quest to find the stupidest accent in the world, a path that began in Liverpool and has finally ended in the American South, Torque's not one to let logical thought override the more satisfying course of emotional overreaction. Quiet and keeps to himself. That's what his neighbours will say when they're interviewed after he guns down 5 preschoolers for not loving America enough.

TWOO: One might think that it can only be a matter of time before Thimble realises that he needn't bother reading all that stuff that he links and pastes, because no one else will read it anyhow. To believe that, however, is to sorely underestimate the levels of deluded dumbfuckery that seethe inside this uncharacteristically rude Canadian.

Morgana: Morgana's project to fight back the ravages of time through liberal use of hairdye is almost the sole indication of the roils of dumbfuckery hidden within her pasty-skinned head. Defeat here could halt the dizzy rise to sucess that has taken her from Cleft Palate, WV, to HairLip, SC, in only a matter of decades.

Mordecai: Colorado's gayest builder and pioneer of the irritatingly pointless attribution at the end of every post (we can see who wrote the fucking thing, dickwad), Mord's life has come full circle, from a beginning as a tiny little irritation dependent on his parents, through failed marriage, Sugar Daddys and unemployment, right back to where he started. His nomination as much a feature of longevity as peak performance, Mord needs people to remember how much they hated his continual posting of pictures of his midget cock if he is to progress far.

PaintCHiPs: If life as a drunk washed-up loser has taught paint anything, it's not to try too hard. Despite his complete apathy, paint's 27 years of following his mother around have finally brought him to the brink of a meaningless degree. Will his life continue to swirl around the bowl or can he claw his way back to his previous heights of McDonalds Crew Member? Your vote could push him over the edge. Use it wisely.

Squee: Gay for Jesus, dumb for God and infused with the spirit of The Lord, Squee is driven to explain his faith, and its relevance, to a forum of drugtaking drunk porn addicted no-life saddos. If insanity is repeating the same act again and again and expecting a different result, dumbfuckery is surely preaching the Word of the Lord to scatfiends. Add in his musings on the relationship between Men and Women and Squee is one of the favourites to win the 'Dumbfucks with Agendas' bracket outright.

Memdink: Thinks that herpes is a good thing to have because it keeps him faithful. Pastes stories from NewsMaxx. Dumb, like herpes, is forever; memdink has a fine chance if he can make it over the first hurdle and build some momentum, but he's a slow starter (other than in the field of contracting STDs).

Predictions:

SimpleSimon v Jeitarium: SS makes it though name recognition and track record. Jeitarium needn't feel bitter, though, because recent promising posts show that GFY's 'Hysterically Emotional King of Retardation' crown is not beyond his grasp in the months and years to come.

Euphorbia v Pincrika. In the battle of stupid gun poses, Euphorbia comes out ahead for being a woman and voting for Bush. Because, like, women are so smart, right.

Lanin v Philjit: No real contest. Lanin's only votes come from Phil supporters, while Phil draws strong support from across the board. Life's not a popularity contest, but these fucking stupid forum polls are. Phil, at a gay canter.

GimpyDivo v Tesselated: The battle of the dark horses. GimpyDivo's recent activity gives him the clear edge in this, but the winner won't progress far. A sideshow, for this year.

SLH v Torque: A tough one to call. Torque has the experience of age and the brainwashing of the US Marine Corps on his side, but SLH has the ingenious dumbfuckery of the young male, which we underestimate at our very great peril. It's almost a tie, but I think that voter's fear of Torque's great accuracy with the long gun, and his larger store of ammunition, will drive SLH through to the second round.

Thimble's Worth of Opinion v Morgana: Thimble at a walk. Even if TWOO hadn't upset every American on the forum, the desperate and pathetic desire on the part of many male asylumites to see finally get to see Morgana's tits is too strong to risk her taking her twin limes away in a fit of pique. Thimble has at least another round in him yet.

PaintCHiPs v Mordecai: The Battle of the Bisekshual midget mommy's boys. Mord has a strong presence, but hasn't upset enough Bush supporters to prevent Paint's progress to the second round, wheras paint has blown off more than one asylum pissup BY BEING A SPINELESS MAGGOT, YOU HEAR ME, YOU FUCKING WORM? A deserved victory for Paint AND HE CAN MUSE ON THAT WHILE HE BURNS IN THE HELLFIRES.

Squee v Memdink: With much of Memdink's dumbfuckery restricted to Politicas, Squee's higher visibility efforts will allow him to steamroller on through. With a luckier draw, Memdink might have progressed, but he was doomed to eat Squee's dumbfuck dust from the moment that the names came out of the hat.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:40 PM
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T
tiTalating Revelator...

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Behind this monitor.
Posts: 6672

Thank you aminal. It would have been waaaay too easy to just delete the pic because the competitors are listed in the predictions.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:45 PM
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skalie
Locksmith of Lurve

Registered: Sep 2001
Location: World Citizen
Posts: 18916

It was Rokkr's second attempt at this thread, btw.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:46 PM
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Rokkr
Completely Wack

Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Somewhere Better Than Here
Posts: 16974

You're all a lot of whiners. I can read it just fine.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:48 PM
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DevilMoon
passive stalker?

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: zanzibar
Posts: 10594

I have to try harder next year. What do you have to do to get in, get arrested at a piss-up?

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:53 PM
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skalie
Locksmith of Lurve

Registered: Sep 2001
Location: World Citizen
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Now you mention it, where is CRSR in the list?

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:55 PM
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ignatz mouse
gone with the wind

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: The Wetlands
Posts: 17938

smoke more crack and bleach your anus.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:55 PM
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skalie
Locksmith of Lurve

Registered: Sep 2001
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I love it when you speak dirty.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 04:56 PM
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DevilMoon
passive stalker?

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: zanzibar
Posts: 10594

Good job, though.

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DavidVengeance
To Be The Man...

Registered: Nov 2005
Location: somewhere between here and there
Posts: 329

Damn, I've never heard the half of names listed.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 05:26 PM
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torque
SupaTwistyPowa!

Registered: Dec 2001
Location: Ducktown, GA
Posts: 1610

quote:
Originally posted by DavidVengeance
Damn, I've never heard the half of names listed.


Shut up DirtyVagina.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 06:08 PM
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torque
SupaTwistyPowa!

Registered: Dec 2001
Location: Ducktown, GA
Posts: 1610

One should remember my pithy jingoistic reactions to most news stories involving lesser countries (anything other then the USA).

Also, my penchant for assailing opponents by just editing their well thought out and researched points into something completely immature.

I also have the endorsement of the NRA in this race.

Edit: And the kicker, (Iwas going to save if for a later race) I have a tattoo on my forearm of the hornet from a malt liquor six-pack.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 06:12 PM
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PNG
you'd eat it

Registered: Jul 2005
Location: different
Posts: 8176

quote:
Originally posted by torque
Shut up DirtyVagina.


eheheh mossed vagina, molded vagina, the only one she fucks up with is davidvagina eeheh

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Old Post 11-23-2005 06:12 PM
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ignatz mouse
gone with the wind

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: The Wetlands
Posts: 17938

PNG is goatboy's lover?

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Old Post 11-23-2005 06:14 PM
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SimpleSimon
Dead Horse Rider

Registered: Dec 2002
Location:
Posts: 28691

Dammit, Pinecrika, you were supposed to vote for one out of each pair, not just for yourself.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 06:14 PM
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ignatz mouse
gone with the wind

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: The Wetlands
Posts: 17938

tesselated got a vote! did he vote for himself or is gimpy beneath self-promotion?

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slappy
slippery when happy

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 3102

I didn't make the grade. I'm such a failure in life

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Old Post 11-23-2005 06:19 PM
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DavidVagina
Adorable Pussycat

Registered: Nov 2005
Location:
Posts: 1

quote:
Originally posted by torque
Shut up DirtyVagina.


Dont utter my name in vain, you dumb republican.

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loser
oxymoran

Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Beringia
Posts: 6194

Hey, everybody, look, it's a cock juggling thundercunt.


again.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 06:21 PM
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Cruise Director
nobody special

Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Zion
Posts: 5016

I have avoided nomination yet again. Must try harder next season.

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Old Post 11-23-2005 06:25 PM
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