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fubar
mud falcon

Registered: Apr 2005
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On the bright side, it's just spousal abuse.

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/51336


Abusive Husband Has Sense Of Humor About It
August 4, 2006 | Issue 42•32

CARUTHERSVILLE, MO—It would be easy for abusive husband Glenn Osteen to complain. Out of breath, fists bruised and bloodied from repeated strikes against bone, one would almost expect the 39-year-old to surrender to frustration, to scream out in anger and demand that his wife unlock the bathroom door. Fortunately, Osteen's learned the secret to getting through rough times: a sense of humor.

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Osteen, with his "best friend," after a particularly grueling—and frustrating—beating.
"Let's face it, the daily grind can be brutal," says Osteen as he rummages through his battered old toolbox for a pipe wrench. "The way I see it, either you let your wife's broken jaw get under your skin and make you miserable, or you just roll with the punches and try to make the best of an already bad situation."

"Why beat yourself up about something you have no control over?" Osteen adds, kicking down the bathroom door on his sixth attempt and tossing the wrench playfully from hand to hand. "It's like the old saying: If you can't laugh at life, then chances are you're living it wrong."

Hours later, sitting in his favorite armchair while wife Samantha silently prepares a warmer and more conservatively seasoned dinner, Osteen admits he wasn't always able to see the funny side of life.

"I used to spend days feeling sorry for myself, wondering how things might've turned out if I'd married a woman who actually listened for a change," says Osteen, who admits he used to take domestic abuse too seriously. "Then one night—I don't know whether it was the sight of Samantha desperately trying to crawl toward the phone or the way the blood running out her nose formed that ridiculous-looking mustache—I suddenly burst out laughing."

Adds Osteen: "The whole situation can seem so insane sometimes, it's almost impossible not to crack up."

Armed with the newfound knowledge that it's useless to get upset about a situation that he "can't do anything to change," Osteen refuses to let life's ups and downs stop him from enjoying some of his favorite activities. Whether drinking excessively at his regular bar every evening or closing himself off in the basement to watch hour upon hour of silent pornography on his antique film projector, Osteen can often be heard making light of his circumstances.

"I don't know how he does it," says Robert Hodge, a longtime friend of the couple. "If I was in his position, I don't think I'd be able to kid around about biting my wife in the head. I would probably have a hard time discussing it at all."

Osteen bashfully admits that his antics sometimes backfire—like the time he became so paranoid that Samantha was out with her coworker, David, that he spent the entire evening driving around trying to catch them together, only to find her at her sister's house. As a result, Osteen missed most of the much-anticipated Lions–Bears football game.

"Man, that was a real kick in the gut," Osteen says with a chuckle. "But I guess we both got what we deserved."

While he manages to joke about his bad luck most of the time, Osteen admits there are days—such as last Thursday, when Samantha used too much starch in his best dress shirt—when it's still difficult to laugh off his lot in life.

"There are always going to be those moments when you lose sight of the humor in the situation and just clench your fists in frustration," Osteen says. "What's important is being able to take a step back, quickly pull down the living room blinds, and try to keep things in perspective."

In the end, Osteen says, it's all relative.

"As tough as it is, there's always someone out there who has it a lot worse than you," adds Osteen. "Fortunately, Samantha is there to remind me of that."

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Old Post 08-09-2006 10:10 PM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
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Posts: 21748

My Grandfather and great grandfather were both Chief of Police of that town. It's a small town on the Mississippi river.
That's funny.

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Old Post 08-09-2006 10:21 PM
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ryseone
your death could be sweet

Registered: Jul 2006
Location: in complete and total self inflicted chaos
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i think i have seen this guy and his hole familly on the "c" block in the upper teirs.
nice guy really plays a lot of hide the sausage with the other prisoners

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Old Post 08-09-2006 10:28 PM
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Hawley Griffin
.308 winchester

Registered: Feb 2004
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the onion

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Old Post 08-09-2006 10:32 PM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
Posts: 21748

we know but the town is real.

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Old Post 08-09-2006 10:33 PM
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Hawley Griffin
.308 winchester

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: AMERICA
Posts: 19903

quote:
Originally posted by wonderaz
we know


you would be surprised

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Old Post 08-09-2006 10:37 PM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
Posts: 21748

true

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Old Post 08-09-2006 10:40 PM
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fubar
mud falcon

Registered: Apr 2005
Location:
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quote:
Originally posted by Hawley Griffin
the onion


There used to be a guy that lived on my street when I was a kid that pretty much had this attitude towards his wife and kid.

I lived about 6 houses down the street from him, and one day I heard him wailing on his kid. I called the police and when they got there, his kid was unconscious and his wife was swollen and bloody.

As they cuffed him and put him in the car he was yelling "You can't arrest me! I beat with my bare hands!"

He was back home within a matter of months.

He was arrested again within a matter of hours.

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Old Post 08-09-2006 10:56 PM
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Hawley Griffin
.308 winchester

Registered: Feb 2004
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Posts: 19903

the people in your life are tragic and hilarious

[p]

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Old Post 08-09-2006 11:31 PM
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fubar
mud falcon

Registered: Apr 2005
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Yeah, I barely escaped the trailer.

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Old Post 08-09-2006 11:51 PM
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ryseone
your death could be sweet

Registered: Jul 2006
Location: in complete and total self inflicted chaos
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people with domestic agravaitve assaults and demostic disturbances only serve between 35 to 50% of there time. then are released on suspended sentences by the judges.

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Old Post 08-10-2006 12:08 AM
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SimpleSimon
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quote:
Originally posted by ryseone
people with domestic agravaitve assaults and demostic disturbances only serve between 35 to 50% of there time. then are released on suspended sentences by the judges.

That depends on the jurisdiction, and frequently on the severity of the offense, whether or not it is a repeat offense, whether or not the DA/judge are up for reelection, whether or not they can afford a decent attorney or must accept a public sell-out artist - err, defender, etc.

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Old Post 08-10-2006 12:13 AM
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ryseone
your death could be sweet

Registered: Jul 2006
Location: in complete and total self inflicted chaos
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well in the south they just dismiss it as not important. i have a revolving door with the same people it seems like coming back alot. i hate to put us in that hasty generalization, but if the shoe fits. i have one I/M who is back again yestarday for his 6th domestic dispute and aggravated assault charge. this is his 6th in the past 18 months that is rediculious. there is no call to let some one who is that obiviously non compilant with the law back out on "good behavior". i though the laws were made made by the people for the people with justice for all. not just some or when the paper work is not such a pest.

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if you would take a man's life then you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. if you can do that then perhaps the man doesn't deserve to to die.

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Old Post 08-10-2006 01:19 AM
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ryseone
your death could be sweet

Registered: Jul 2006
Location: in complete and total self inflicted chaos
Posts: 190

sometimes i hate my job. but if i quit it wont change anything. there really is no way one man can make a differance these days unless he comes from money. and i am just some poor red kneck electrician who doesnt want to lose his trailer and beer can collection

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if you would take a man's life then you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. if you can do that then perhaps the man doesn't deserve to to die.

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Old Post 08-10-2006 01:22 AM
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SimpleSimon
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quote:
Originally posted by ryseone
well in the south they just dismiss it as not important. i have a revolving door with the same people it seems like coming back alot. i hate to put us in that hasty generalization, but if the shoe fits. i have one I/M who is back again yestarday for his 6th domestic dispute and aggravated assault charge. this is his 6th in the past 18 months that is rediculious. there is no call to let some one who is that obiviously non compilant with the law back out on "good behavior". i though the laws were made made by the people for the people with justice for all. not just some or when the paper work is not such a pest.

I would guess that depends upon where in the south you are. Texas does not treat such in that fashion - aggravated offenses must serve one half of their sentence as calendar time incarcerated to become parole eligible, and the minimum sentence is five years. Victims, family members, the judge of the convicting court, the DA, any community member may protest a proposed parole, and the Board of Pardons and Paroles takes protests quite seriously.

Simple assault is a state jail offense, 2 yrs sentence, and the convicted person must serve one half of that, minimum. All released prisoners go to parole, and for any assaultive offense they are required to enroll in and complete to the satisfaction of the therapist an anger management course, as well as comply with parole restrictions, which virtually always include no contact with the victim(s).

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Old Post 08-10-2006 01:43 AM
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ryseone
your death could be sweet

Registered: Jul 2006
Location: in complete and total self inflicted chaos
Posts: 190

they are required to take anger managment courses while incarsirated here how ever they can patioin the judge here after only three months it is strickly up to the judge wether or not the inmate will be released but i think its sort of bull shit that we have people in the county jail serving twice the time for a simple DUI charge. we have 2 for 1 here that is offered to every inmate with good behavior whose offence is not drug or alcohol related. so if you are sentence to 11/29 for asssault then you sevre 6 months max and after serving 3 he can be released. what is this teaching this community.
hey dont drink and drive stay home and have a few then beat the shit out of your old lady its ok we will just give you a 3 to 6 month break

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if you would take a man's life then you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. if you can do that then perhaps the man doesn't deserve to to die.

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Old Post 08-10-2006 01:56 AM
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SimpleSimon
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Sentencing in Texas is determinate, and specific. The offense charged determines the range of possible punishment, the court sentences to some term within those limits. Thereafter, the court may not affect the sentence. I have a nephew by marriage who was along for the ride when his stepbrother shot and killed a convenience store clerk in a robbery. All testimony and the video record show him remaining in the vehicle. He was 17, his stepbrother 19. He got a 45 year aggravated sentence for murder, of which he must serve 22.5 years to be eligible for parole, his stepbrother got an aggravated life sentence for the offense, for which he must serve a minimum of 30 years, as a life sentence is treated the same as a sentence of 60 years or greater. He will be at least 42 before he ever gets out.

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Old Post 08-10-2006 02:09 AM
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Hawley Griffin
.308 winchester

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: AMERICA
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thats what you get for being too lazy to take part in a robbery. serves the fucker right

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ryseone
your death could be sweet

Registered: Jul 2006
Location: in complete and total self inflicted chaos
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i think that all courts in all states should have to rule in similar manners. all that we are teaching the criminals in are society are where to comitt these crimes where as not to have to do any "real" time. its not social ecconomics that make criminals and repeat offenders its the social exceptance of these lighter punishments in these states that allow the criminal element to prosper. almost like they are scrared to really do something about it so as not to put honest people out of honest work. is this some kind of twilight zone catch 22

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if you would take a man's life then you owe it to him to look into his eyes and hear his final words. if you can do that then perhaps the man doesn't deserve to to die.

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Old Post 08-10-2006 02:16 AM
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Hawley Griffin
.308 winchester

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: AMERICA
Posts: 19903

i can't wait to see what ss has to say about that

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Old Post 08-10-2006 02:20 AM
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SimpleSimon
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quote:
Originally posted by ryseone
i think that all courts in all states should have to rule in similar manners. all that we are teaching the criminals in are society are where to comitt these crimes where as not to have to do any "real" time. its not social ecconomics that make criminals and repeat offenders its the social exceptance of these lighter punishments in these states that allow the criminal element to prosper. almost like they are scrared to really do something about it so as not to put honest people out of honest work. is this some kind of twilight zone catch 22

What you are proposing is a uniform criminal code, similar to the federally suggested uniform commercial code which has been adopted by many states. In that direction lies a denigration of states rights, and worse, greater federal control of state budgetary priorities.

In many states, important factors in the handling of sentences are the constraints placed upon the state by the tax revenues available to it. Frankly, incarcerating people is expensive - about $30K/prisoner/year, on average. If you lengthen sentences or that portion of a sentence which must be served inside, you increase capital costs for the expanded prisons to be built, and you increase discretionary costs to man them.

Individuals incarcerated longer are more likely to re-offend, as their socialization is decreased and their employable skills are atrophied, along with other factors intrinsic to longer incarceration. They require greater community supervision upon conditional release (parole), and have nuch greater difficulty finding a livable niche in the community.

Before you advocate an action, or a radical shift in policy, it is best to consider the ramifications thereof.

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bacidath
me - a killer

Registered: Jul 2000
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quote:
Originally posted by SimpleSimon
ramifications
he gets enough of those

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Old Post 08-10-2006 02:40 AM
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Hawley Griffin
.308 winchester

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: AMERICA
Posts: 19903

simon, you wouldn't happen to know how many ex-cons are able to become worthwhile productive members of society (ie: not commiting crimes again) once they are released?

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Old Post 08-10-2006 02:42 AM
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bacidath
me - a killer

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Spazchair
Posts: 7057

they usualy become stagehands

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Old Post 08-10-2006 02:44 AM
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Hawley Griffin
.308 winchester

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: AMERICA
Posts: 19903

quote:
Originally posted by bacidath
he gets enough of those


do you think of prison sentances are a revenge or as a way to readjust criminals?

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"too many people have opinions on things they know nothting about. and the more ignorant they are, the more opinions they have."
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