1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car
w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at
passing cars. See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't
disguise your voice.
3. Insist that your email address
4. Every time someone asks you to do
something, ask if they want fries with
5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.
6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."
7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.
8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks.
Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine
addictions,switch to espresso.
9. In the memo field of all your checks, write 'for sexual favors.'
10. Reply to everything someone says with,
"That's what you think."
11. Finish all your sentences with "In
accordance with the prophecy."
12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that
the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.
13. Don't use any punctuation.
14. As often as possible, skip rather than
15. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh
hysterically after they answer.
16. Specify that your drive-through order is
17. Sing along at the opera.
18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the
poems don't rhyme.
19. Find out where your boss shops and buy
exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite
20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to
tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in Stall #3."
21.Put mosquito netting around your cubicle.
Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
23. Call 911 and ask if 911 is for emergencies.
24. Call the psychic hotline and don't say
25. Have your coworkers address you by your
wrestling name, Rock Hard.
26. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream"I Won!", "I Won!" 3rd time this week!!!"
27. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"
28. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."
29. Tell your children over dinner. "Due to
the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
30. Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey,
your mother is here!"
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Quoting things from obscure movies and TV shows helps.
"Your experiment this week, Joel, is called Pod People. It has nothing to do with pods, it has nothing to do with people, it has everything to do with *hurting*." - Dr. Forrester, MST3K
'Living is just the process of preparing to be dead for a very long time." - Faulkner
quote:Originally posted by morgana: ah, chelle, you're an angel! that was emailed to me last year, and i lost it. it's the funniest thing i've ever read, and i've been keeping an eye out for it for ages! yay!