Today my son was expelled.... from kindergarten.
On the first day of school his teacher called and told me that he was the most defiant child she had ever had in class. By week two the principal had my cell number on her speed dial. In the last two weeks I have had to leave work early to pick up my monster on four different occasions, ranging from him throwing computer monitors across the room to him beating a childs face in so bad the child had to be taken for x-rays. (For the record, the other kid hit him first, and Im reluctant to punish him for defending himself).
At the meeting today I was met by a total of nine people. His teacher, music teacher, gym teacher, reading instructor; as well as the schools psychologist, behavior specialist, counselor, school nurse, and principal. In the last three weeks, they have concluded that my child is un-reachable. So much for those damn masters degrees....
The kicker is, my son does not act up at home. He is a well mannered, gentle young man at home. The consensus amongst the "experts" that the school board employs is that I give him too much attention at home and that brings him to desire that attention during school, where eight other children are vying for the teachers attention.
My question is this: (two questions actually) 1. Has anyone ever had experience and/or success with an extremely defiant 5 year old? 2. Does the public school system really have the right to deny my child education based on a few behavioral mishaps, considering they employ psychologists and behavioral specialsts for that very reason?
I admit, I have no problem with my child hitting that kid. The event was witnessed by more than one teacher, and as realistic as I try to be, I will not condone my son walking away from getting sucker punched by that little fuck who hit him first.
quote:Originally posted by Freezee 2. Does the public school system really have the right to deny my child education based on a few behavioral mishaps, considering they employ psychologists and behavioral specialsts for that very reason?
Oh yeah. Those specalists are probably there to make those very decisions. But it does sound strange, throwing people out of kindergarten. At least they could have some kind of dog pen he could rage out in.
Anyway, teach your child the way of nonviolence, and how to activate the authorities for his own advantage.
quote:Originally posted by Freezee My question is this: (two questions actually) 1. Has anyone ever had experience and/or success with an extremely defiant 5 year old? 2. Does the public school system really have the right to deny my child education based on a few behavioral mishaps, considering they employ psychologists and behavioral specialsts for that very reason?
Was he in daycare in the past?
Part of raising a child is teaching him or her to deal well with others. My daughter was always the opposite of your son. She only misbehaved at home, never at school, were she treated/treats her teachers and other kids with respect.
Secondly, damn right the public school system has the right to deny your child an education, especially if he's disruptive and harms others. Just because the other kid hit him first doesn't give him the right to pound him into the ground, especially to the point of having to get x-rays. You'll be extremely lucky if the other parents don't sue the pants off of you.
It's time to take him to see a therapist. Seriously.
Location: In a place that is mostly too hot or too cold.
If you're being called regularly, and your kid is damaging a) other kids and b) school property regularly, then I'm not sure it's that surprising that they've expelled him, but I would talk to them and see what they say if his behaviour improves noticeably, or first ask them if he can shorten the days, or even have them log the incidents so that you can see when it happens, and what eggs it on before sending him out for good. Unfortunately, being that this has escalated to something where other children are getting hurt, I'm not sure it'll happen, though. I know if my kid was in your kid's class, I would be upset as a parent.
Are there other schools in the area? Could you have him visit family, or stay with other people for longer during the day rather than being with him to get him adjusted to spending time with other people (or preferably kids)?
One teacher to eight kids is a lot of attention, imo. I think we can have up to 12 here in kindergarten, and I remember my cousin having grade school classes of 35.
Why did the other little fuck punch your beloved in the first place? I guess the erratic, computer-throwing, attention-seeking activities received the attention sought. (I was cornered into dealing with the terror-kid who was always disrupting our classes; lucky for me, he turned out to be all front and could barely throw a punch.)
If you're condoning (even subliminally) an "a face for an eye" mentality to your son, then he'd better watch out when that equation comes back at him. You too might benefit from attending therapy with him.
Alongside therapy, I suggest you put him in an eastern self-defence class where his lovely energies would be channelled into self-discipline and he'd learn how to respect and deflect any 'negative' energies that may happen to come his way. Walk in peace.
when 9 professional child caregivers have to call you repeatedly for the behavioral problems, i'd strongly suggest that you and your reaction are the problem.
every parent wants to protect and defend their child, but it's obvious from the way you wrote this post that you're proud of his behavior. perhaps it's your own inner child rejoicing that he's sticking it to the system, but you have to start looking hard at your behavior around him. if you think that you're masking it well, think again, because it's as transparent to him as it is to us.
i'm gonna take a stab in the dark and say that all of the teachers are city kids and the descendants of city kids, and the kindergarten teacher is mostly likely female.
you need to find a school with male rednecks teaching kindergarten, he'll fucking well behave for one of them. he may have to get yanked 6 feet off the ground by his neck a time or two, but he WILL behave.
This is a case I think of teachers that although they may have good qualities,simply choose not to step up to this kid.
Yea I'm with SLH.
Is there such thing as a romper room reform school or something?
...how is he at your day care? I remember you mentioning that day care. Same kid?
Self defence is one thing, retribution is another, and malevolence still another.
I'm no fan of any public school system, but if I were you I'd try to take an objective look at my kid. Remember that professionals are often NOT very professional. And as a parent YOU need to be aware of your kid's mental and physical health.
While I approve of self defense, the monitors sound a tad over the top.
The kid does need those redneck teachers, or someone who will deal with him differently. Problem is, most parents don't like the idea of their precious little snookums having a hand laid on them. I remember the shit storm I faced when a student in my classroom went bananas and picked up his textbook to hit another student. I was there in enough time to stop it by grabbing the kid's wrist and taking the book out of his hand, while pulling him away from the area. I was threatened with lawsuits and all kinds of reprimand. The school officials weren't much help. If hadn't been for my union lawyer stepping up, it could've gotten ugly. So, rather than face shit like that, a lot of teachers and schools would tell you that the kid is incorrigible and pass the problem off. Of course, a lot of kids these days tend to be acting up based on their parents' misbehavior. Can't have kids being raised by adults who think they're Peter Pan. That's a general statement, not necessarily directed at you, Freezee as I don't know the particulars of your situation other than what you said...and well, I think a lot of people have probably gotten a few things right.
What Joeycat said is pretty normal for kids -- they're rotten around their families and little angels in school. What you have described about your son and the way you have described it is quite disturbing. You might want to look up Oppositional Defiance Disorder, though usually kids with this are defiant around their parents as well. There definitely seems to be a problem with the way you (don't) discipline him and the messages you are sending him, implicit and explicit, about his behavior. I agree that you both should seek therapy (separately and together).
I dunno, my kids have never been in trouble at school, but the gross incompetence of the local public school system is really hard to ignore. I think it likely that Freeze's son is a total out of control nutjob that needs to be put down- but at the same time after my own public school experience, and after watching the local bumpkins muddle through here, I am reluctant to make a judgment from a distance. And while it's true that a lot of parents are reluctant to admit their children are anything less than angelic- I've never noticed an overwhelming impulse among school teachers to admit they are wrong, ever, no matter how wrong they are.
Anyway you slice it, we hand our kids over to institutions, and we really shouldn't be surprised that things get fucked up from time to time. After all, students, parents and teachers are all people, and people suck.
It could be a learning disorder or the precursor of some kind of emotional disturbance, but seriously, that kind of behavior in kindergarten ... how many professionals have to tell you there's a problem before you do something positive, proactive, and helpful about it? Also, seeing as he's five, the problem starts with you, end of story.