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Registered: Oct 2000
Posts: 15481

A magic act performed on Saturday night, where
fast food vanishes down the performer's throat, and
then shortly afterwards, it suddenly reappears on
the taxi floor.

Aussie Kiss:
Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Back End of the Batmobile:
The state of your Brass Eye soon after you eat a
really hot curry. I had a Ring Stinger in the Benghazi restaurant
last night, and now I've got a dose of Gandhi's Revenge. My arse
like the back end of the Batmobile."

Beaver Leaver:
or Vagina Decliner. A homosexual.

Beer Coat:
The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home
after a booze cruise at 3 in the morning.

Beer Compass:
The invisible device that ensures your safe
arrival home after a booze cruise, even though
you're too pissed to remember where you live, how you
get there, and where you've come from.

Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.

Boiler Suit:
The prosecution charge that you did wilfully, and
with phallus aforethought, score with a Bobfoc last night.
This charge is usually brought by a kangaroo court of your
friends in the pub on Saturday night.

Bone of Contention:
A hard-on that causes an argument. e.g. one that
arises when a man is
watching Olympic beach volleyball on TV with his

Breaking the Seal:
Your 1st piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of
drinking. After
breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits
to the toilet will be
required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of
the night.

Budgie's Tongue:
or Small Man In A Boat, or Tongue Punchbag. The
female erection.

Blue-Veined Hooligan. The 1-eyed skinhead.

Cider Visor:
Beer Goggles for the young drinker.

1-handed reading material.

The bowel movement that, needing to come out
urgently, wakes you up in the
morning to get to the toilet quick.

The particularly frothy type of diarrhoea that you
get when abroad.

Double Bass:
A sexual position in which the man enters the
woman from behind, and then
fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and
her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is
similar to that used when playing a double bass
instrument, but the sound produced is slightly

Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by
twiddling both of her nipples

Fizzy Gravy:
or Rusty Water. Diarrhoea.

Flogging On:
Surfing the Internet for some left-handed

Free the Tadpoles:
Liberate the residents of Wank Tanks.

Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.

The sound made when driving through too narrow a
gap at too high a speed.

Going For a McShit:
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention
of buying food, you're just going to the bog. If
challenged by a pimply staff member, your
declaration to them that you'll buy their food
afterwards is a McShit With Lies.

A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

Hand-to-Gland Combat:
A vigorous masturbation session.

Hefty Cleft:
or Horse's Collar, or Welly Top. Description of
a very large vagina.

The type of bowel movement you experience after
dining for a week in fast food restaurants.

Millennium Domes:
The contents of a Wonderbra. i.e. extremely
impressive when viewed from
the outside, but there's actually fuck-all in
there worth seeing.

Monkey Bath:
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you
go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa! Aa! Aa!".

Mystery Bus:
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night
while you're in the toilet
after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the
unattractive people so the
pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come
back in.

Mystery Taxi:
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday
morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner
you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed

No Beers Required. Someone that you'd chat up
instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.

Picasso Arse:
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so
she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.

Sperm Wail:
or Spuphemism. A verbal outburst during the male

Starfish Trooper:
or Arsetronaut. A homosexual.

Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at
least 10 pints.

Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex
with. (1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their
falls off.)

A lady who goes down first time out.

Todger Dodger:
A lesbian.

Wank Seance:
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling
that you're being watched with disgust by your
dead relatives.

Unwanted visitors from Uranus.

Remember, when
someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles in your face to frown BUT, it
only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and bitch-slap the
motherfucker upside the head...

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