My blood. my baby I break into tears when I think of her. I FUcked up. I remember when she used to know my voice. She used to tell me mommy an *** are fighting. I wanted her. I was young an everyday I would get trashed that was the goal. I wanted her so much. I didn't have a full time job or apt an the court didn't grant me anything . she is 16 now. When I sat my last 9 month DUI stint I wrote to her. She told her mom "does he know how old I am?" lol. that's why her mom an I got along. To this day I don't know where she is. But I know that out there my baby is living. I wish I was there there for her to protect her. Regret is so terrible. I should have did this an that. I fucked up. im a piece of shit I used to get drunk an hit her mom when we would argue. my Life is nothing without her. for 14 years I have thrown away years. I walked across this bridge an the water was so beautiful. People jumped into it. I need her so bad. im about to jump....
out of the night that covers me black as the pit from pole to pole I thank whatever gods maybe for my unconquerable soul in the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud under the bludgeonings of chance my head is bloody but unbowed beyond this place of wrath an tears looms but the horror of the shade an yet the menace of the years finds an shall find me unafraid it matters not how strait the gate how charged with punishments the scroll I am the master of my fate I am the captain of my soul
This is going to sound a little harsh Binx but go find out where the fuck she is and go there.
Start with facebook.
Type her name.
Guaranteed she has a facebook account.
Some people use different names on their accounts.
So look up your ex and chances are good your daughter is one of her friends.
People that jump have no goals.
You fucking have one.
And that's to find your daughter and start some kind of relationship.
That's your life goal now.
So stop being all Robin Williams up in here.
In my opinion,16 is a decent year for one to forgive her dad and be okay with you.
That is all.
I may be the only one who assumed you are speaking metaphoriccaly. But then again I may be the only other one here who lost his daughter by being an ass.
Mine was taken 12 years ago and is now a fantastic person who shows more promise than I ever did. She also shares certain amazing similarities to me that make me worry about her future. What if she has my doubts and insecurities. What if she never gets over the crap I can't handle?
Well, the truth is I can't do anything about that. I can try to mitigate my own weakness in her eyes. I can attempt to perservere where she seems to falter. I wake up every day understanding that I am still paying for my mistakes and refusing to let myself be the kind of shallow asshole that writes off his past inequities so he can pretend he's been forgiven. I am willing to be a martyr but I don't want her to flagellate herself for decades because she thinks she failed at some insignificant test of youth. Don't make your burden her burden. My answer isn't the healthy answer but I promise that if you soldier on others will have the chance to live in peace.
Just out of curiosity, why do you "need her so bad"? Have you considered the possibility that the last fucking thing the girl needs is a drunken dad she doesn't even know hanging on her life like a joy lamprey needing her to death? Don't you think it's time you stopped with the needing and tried giving a little? Snap out of it. You're a bum. Stop being a bum and do something nice for your daughter without expecting something in return. Stop needing you needy needer.
That's just the thing about life.
Once you have a clear goal set,
The alcoholism just goes away.
If you are still drinking,
That goal you have set is not real.
I should speak at a TED convention.
It's like with my lifetime of smoking.
I never believed I could just quit with no aids.
But when I nearly died that woke me up then I set some major goals.
The most obvious one is to live.
Then tobacco no longer became a part of my life because I no longer enjoyed it.
Addiction by its very definition is a bold face lie.
It's about enjoyment.
Take away the enjoyment then you take away the addiction.
It's that easy.
I still have an "addiction" to food.
Because I enjoy the occasional bad food and I can't keep my weight down.
Because I enjoy it.
But some days I don't enjoy food at all.
But I can't go cold turkey because I actually need food.
And that makes it hard for me.
So my goal is to no longer enjoy food once I am no longer hungry.
So after ever bite I take I ask myself if this next bite is for enjoyment or need.
I know. It's crazy.
Most of the time,enjoyment wins out.
My goal is to lessen that percentage.