Are you talking of all forms of failure? Or the ones that can have a serious effect on your life. ie. You screw up on a math problem, or you get fired from a job because you failed.
Honestly, if this gets in the way of your functioning more normally (sorry to use that word) you can always speak to someone. Although...it doesn't matter. This will probably make you try harder in life, which is always a plus.
join the club, honey. i do alot of art in my free time (when i have it, that is), but i almost never finish anything. i'm my worst critic, and i'm always afraid when something's going really good that i'm going to fuck it up.
Not everything is love, and not everything in this place is either forgiven or forgotten. - email@example.com
It all leads up to the fact that I am letting myself down (& henceforth letting others down) in a very big way.
Little things rarely bother me. It's the large life problems that I find completely overwelming.
& yes I feel that it does affect my life adversely.
I feel that I should be doing much better than I am.
But I am all talk. I guess.
My friend told me last night that I take myself way too seriously.
she's right. I know she's right.
But I still feel that if I don't push myself then I will accomplish nothing, (not like I am accomplishing anything now, but if I don't then I really wont be accomplishing anything).
If I don't have high expectations of myself, than who will?
If I had a work ethic perhaps I'd be doing better.
I never thought about it until you mentioned it, but failure is my biggest fear. Everything I do fucks up, despite my best intentions. It's gotten to the point where I barely try new things anymore because, given my record, I know I'm going to screw them up. But I want to try new things. But I don't want to fail. And I can't have one without the other.
"Is there no place for the man with a 105 IQ???" - Homer Simpson
PMG said: I feel that I should be doing much better than I am.
PMG, how could you possibly do that? You are doing exactly what you are doing, and you are doing it to the best of your abilities. Maybe next year you will be doing the same things with greater skill, since you will have invested a year's practice. Maybe you will have decided to do other things.
No-one can do anything the way you do it, because you are unique. Your actions in the world are imprinted with your personal signature. If you try to do them 'better' than that, you undermine what you are, because you haven't defined what 'better' is.
You could try focussing upon immersing yourself more deeply in what you do, which isn't 'better', it's just more profoundly yourself.
Can you breathe 'better'? Naw. Some people would tell you you can breathe more freely, or more deeply, or in a more relaxed fashion, but all those things are tied to the way your body is formed, and they are clearly defined differences. In the end, your are just breathing in a way which is more suited to you.
'Better' is a relative term, and how can you compare in a relative fashion unique creatures? Is the way a duck paddles better that the way a cheetah pounces?
It's going all Zen.
Selling things does not equate to personal betterment. It equates to an increase in personal finance. Nothing more. And it requires the implicit cooperation of other people to decide to buy or not to buy your work. They could be labouring under terrible aesthetic misconceptions. (Most of them are.)
Put all of those concerns in the money/finance section of your mind for a bit, close the lid and see what's left over. See how you feel about yourself and your work when you (mentally) remove the necessity for a bunch of monkies to give you meaningless bio-survival tickets in order that you might continue to sing for them like a nightinggale for their spiritual nourishment.