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Caffeine
Caffeine

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 7118
Post Laws of Sex to live by!

1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.
2.Nothing improves with age.
3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.
4.Sex has no calories.
5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.
8.No sex with anyone in the same office.
9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.
10.A man in the house is worth two in the street.
11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.
12.Virginity can be cured.
13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.
14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.
16.Sex is dirty only if it's done right.
17.It is always the wrong time of month.
18.The best way to hold a man is in your arms.
19.When the lights are out, all women are beautiful.
20.Sex is hereditary. If your parents never had it, chances are you won't either.
21.Sow your wild oats on Saturday night -- Then on Sunday pray for crop failure.
22.The younger the better.
23.The game of love is never called off on account of darkness.
24.It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.
25.Sex discriminates against the shy and the ugly.
26.Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs.
27.There may be some things better than sex, and some things worse than sex. But there is nothing exactly like it.
28.Love your neighbor, but don't get caught.
29.Love is a hole in the heart.
30.If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot-dog stands on the moon.
31.Love is a matter of chemistry, sex is a matter of physics.
32.Do it only with the best.
33.Sex is a three-letter word which needs some old-fashioned four-letter words to convey its full meaning.
34.One good turn gets most of the blankets.
35.You cannot produce a baby in one month by impregnating nine women.
36.Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
37.It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.
38.Thou shalt not commit adultery.....unless in the mood.
39.Never lie down with a woman who's got more troubles than you.
40.Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song.
41.Never argue with a women when she's tired -- or rested.
42.A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
43.What matters is not the length of the wand, but the magic in the stick.
44.It is better to be looked over than overlooked.
45.Never say no.
46.A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her.
47.Folks playing leapfrog must complete all jumps.
48.Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone.
49.Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.
50.A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride.
51.Love comes in spurts.
52.The world does not revolve on an axis.
53.Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation; the other eight are unimportant.
54.Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
55.Don't do it if you can't keep it up.
56.There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love.
57.Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight.
58.Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another.
59."This won't hurt, I promise."

stolen from http://www.ptnw.com/CRZONE/murphlaw.htm

------------------
Will accept plush toys as bribes.

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Old Post 02-25-2001 01:31 AM
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shyloh
ghost of internetz past

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: NYC
Posts: 3598
Post

No.

------------------------
I loved you Slim, we could have been together, think about it
You ruined it now, I hope you can't sleep and you DREAM about it
And when you dream I hope you can't sleep and you SCREAM about it
I hope your conscience eats at you and you can't BREATHE without me

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Old Post 02-25-2001 05:45 AM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
Posts: 21731
Post

No? How about... to play by?

------------------------
Don't argue with me.

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Old Post 02-25-2001 07:13 AM
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Avondale
oh hello

Registered: Sep 2000
Location:
Posts: 8630
Post

quote:
Originally posted by Caffeine:

49.Never stand between a fire hydrant and a dog.





Why why why why why why why is that there?



------------------------
[ Insert Catchy Phrase Here ]

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Old Post 02-25-2001 07:34 AM
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fatwillie
Adorable Pussycat

Registered: Feb 2001
Location: Shangrila
Posts: 12
Post

The forgotten rule...

#60. "Sex is probably the only fun activity that does NOT cause Cancer"

Hehe...

------------------------
fatwillie

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Old Post 02-25-2001 11:20 AM
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Dacarlo
ex-member

Registered: Oct 2000
Location:
Posts: 15481
Post

22.The younger the better.

Are we pandering to the sicker amongst us in the asylum?

------------------------
Selah \Se"lah\, n. [Heb. sel[=a]h.] (Script.) A word of doubtful meaning, occuring frequently in the Psalms; by some, supposed to signify silence or a pause in the musical performance of the song.

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Old Post 02-25-2001 11:58 AM
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Dr DRAM
C11H15NO2

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: The UltraWorld
Posts: 98
Post

5.Sex takes up the least amount of time

speak for yourself

------------------------
Two Pills I Pop Till My Pupils Fill Up Like Two Pennies...
If A SHlT Was Ment To Be Given I Wouldnt Take One!!

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Old Post 02-25-2001 12:01 PM
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Caffeine
Caffeine

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 7118
Post

#22 was for VKL, and Feral Automaton


quote:
Originally posted by Dacarlo:
22.The younger the better.

Are we pandering to the sicker amongst us in the asylum?






------------------------
Will accept plush toys as bribes.

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Old Post 02-25-2001 04:42 PM
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HELL
euphorbia's bad side

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 3539
Arrow

# 2 is certainly wrong.

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Old Post 02-25-2001 04:59 PM
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Rabble Rouser
Eight legged freak

Registered: Dec 2000
Location: where the buses don't run
Posts: 1002
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I think #25 should be abolished.

------------------------
"Is there no place for the man with a 105 IQ???" - Homer Simpson

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Old Post 02-25-2001 05:02 PM
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HELL
euphorbia's bad side

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
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Post

quote:
Originally posted by Rabble Rouser:
I think #25 should be abolished.



I looked at your profile, I think youre kinda hot....
http://64.69.170.138/maiden/graphics/album/02/album.jpg

I loved you in high school.

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Old Post 02-25-2001 05:04 PM
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Rabble Rouser
Eight legged freak

Registered: Dec 2000
Location: where the buses don't run
Posts: 1002
Post

quote:
Originally posted by HELL:

I looked at your profile, I think youre kinda hot....
http://64.69.170.138/maiden/graphics/album/02/album.jpg

I loved you in high school.

[/B]


I love me too.



------------------------
"Is there no place for the man with a 105 IQ???" - Homer Simpson

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Old Post 02-25-2001 05:06 PM
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Bibrau
formerly Gen/illussion

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2566
Post

I agree with

6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

and

18.The best way to hold a man is in your arms.

)

------------------------
its like getting the prize out of the cereal box

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Old Post 02-26-2001 12:09 AM
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VKL
Running with a Hatchet

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1010
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42.A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.

Amen.


------------------------
"The way to get over someone is to get under someone else" - The Cherry Poppin' Daddies

I stopped being sexist because bitches hate that shit.

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Old Post 02-26-2001 06:11 AM
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VKL
Running with a Hatchet

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1010
Post

quote:
Originally posted by Caffeine:
#22 was for VKL, and Feral Automaton




When I read that, I started cracking up. Thank you for starting my day off right Caffeine. Although, remind me to kick you square in your ass next time I talk to you.


------------------------
"The way to get over someone is to get under someone else" - The Cherry Poppin' Daddies

I stopped being sexist because bitches hate that shit.

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Old Post 02-26-2001 06:14 AM
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Caffeine
Caffeine

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Cambridge
Posts: 7118
Post

cracking vampires up, since 1874.

quote:
Originally posted by VKL:
When I read that, I started cracking up. Thank you for starting my day off right Caffeine. Although, remind me to kick you square in your ass next time I talk to you.







------------------------
Will accept plush toys as bribes.

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Old Post 02-26-2001 06:36 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 31594

quote:
Originally posted by HELL
# 2 is certainly wrong.
Ain’t that the truth, 4b. And I am not one of those who wishes he was 18, again.

Amen.

__________________
" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-16-2018 05:19 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
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That's because of how you were caught with Fred and what happened after that. No one would want to revisit that year.

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J E B Stuart
Administrator

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Herk? You’re off your meds again, aren’t ya. So, you’re projecting your peanut buttered Fred troubles on me again.

On the bright side, the neighbors aren’t gonna start whispering again ‘cause they’ve already all packed up and got the hell outta Dodge.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 15803

I'm not off my meds. I'm off my rocker. Please get that straight.

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J E B Stuart
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You’re off your rocker? Okay. I get that. So, if you marry a holy roller, y’all will be a rocker roller couple.

Cool.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
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And if we got married in California, we would be a rocker roller coaster couple

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Old Post 03-25-2018 07:35 AM
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J E B Stuart
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What the hey?!? I just read that post and my neck got itchy, Herk.

Dang.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
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You might have an ingrown hair.

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J E B Stuart
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At my age, I don’t care whether they’re ingrown or outgrown. I’m just grateful for every hair.

Hair Lives Matter!

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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