I am not an overly intelligent man. I'm not overly eloquent, well spoken, or even political. I don't know government policy very well, and for the most part, I'm not very insightful. At least not to the point where I can sit in front of my keyboard and pound out something profound and ultimately thought provoking. I'm a fairly basic human being, and quite content to accept my fate as living a fairly mediocre life.
I strive to have certain things in this lifetime. I would like to have somebody to fall asleep to at night, and wake up to in the morning. I'd like to have somebody in my life to love, and have sombody to reciprocate those feelings in return. I would like to have children, a life to care for, to instill the things that I have learned about what makes a person a good person. I would like to have children that I can share all the great things that there are to be had in this world. I would also like to have a partner to help me in this process, a lover, a wife, a mother - to walk this path with me. To teach me, and allow me to teach in return, what it is to be a father. and to create a life that carries the ability to accomplish things greater than I myself have ever done. I beleive that I have found that in Deanna.
I look around me, I look at the people who walk in and out of my life every day, the people who make up the structure of the society I live in. I see people who are all tired, weak, and hungry. People who have resigned themselves to trying to survive each day, just get through ONE more day, and try to smile through to the end.
I look on TV, and I see wars, I see beatings and murders, rape and desease. I see people stealing from their fellow man, people who beat their children, children who murder their parents. I see kids going into schools with guns, bombs, knives, killing each other. I beleive that some of it comes from hopelessness. Anger. Frustration. Simply wanting to be something greater than average. I see gangs fighting to the death for no other purpose than to be on the top. To be able to gloat about being the toughest, the strongest, the most superior. I see racism, division of populations, cultures, countries, based on nothing other than skin colour, beliefs, even just not understanding much about the other.
I look back and I wonder how people could treat each other the way they did during the 50's and 60's in the southern states of the U.S. Segregation, lynchings, firebombings of homes, murdering children, fathers, burning crosses... For absolutely no other reason than the color of skin. Sometimes, I feel ashamed that my skin is white, sometimes I feel ashamed for telling racist jokes, for the way I have treated others in a bid to fit in amongst my peers. Sometimes I wish I could don coulored skin and subject myself to the same treatment as what has been endured by other people of different races so that I may somehow atone for the behaviour of others.
I'm not talkins about racism alone. Not just black vs. white. I'm talking about all of it, everywhere. The persecution of Jews. War. Famine in third world contries. In North America, we have governments that spent hundreds of millions of dollars on satelittes that can give our cell phones better coverage in remote parts of the country, yet there are people in other countries dying because there is no fresh water to drink. It costs a few hundred dollars to build a well, and we deem it more important to have the ability to talk on a phone while camping than to give clean water to those who need it. Even in our own country, people are dying in the streets, homeless, no food, no clothes to put on the backs of their children, yet I can justify spending hundrends of dollars to put a video card in my computer that allows me to play videogames. I take having a bed to sleep in at night for granted, and I hate admitting to it.
I'll stop rambling now, but I just felt the need to say something. I've been thinking too much today. Sometimes, I have to wonder if bringing a life into this world as it is today is such a great idea after all....
Questions can be a bitch when there aren’t any immediate or logical answers. Although I agree with Nomad that there isn’t anything spectacular about the result of your search, I disagree with his advice to cease entirely.
It will feed you, bring you a bittersweet contentment, and eventually you’ll become wholly ambivalent.
You spoke a great deal about the unfairness and inequality in the world population. The clear and wholly unnecessary delineation between the “haves” and the “have not’s.”
I agree. It is terribly unjust, and no, not for a logical reason, for an emotive one.
Well, if your gripe is whether or not this world is worth bringing a child into, I don’t think that it is. However, we could make it one worth living in. Make it one worth raising children in.
I mean, we are people, people is culture.
And all your base are belong to us!
But that starts somewhere else. Somewhere entirely under your own control… It happens inside of you. If you don’t appreciate racist quips, than tell your peers to fuck off. If cell phones are an extravagance, than don’t carry one. If you don’t want to murder someone, than don’t.
You wouldn’t be the first in history.
However, the decision would be yours, and not the regurgitated social blah blah blah of your peers or the government or the corporate consumer juggernaut. Instead of being a puppet to others expectations, you’d be the creator of all of your own actions.
And maybe, if we can get enough people saying “fuck off” to the apathetic, “fuck off” to the unjust, “fuck off” to the inequality, than this world will be worth another child.