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Large Filipino
Fuck me hard in my arse.

Registered: Feb 2004
Location: in colorado somewhere!
Posts: 53134

I pee a lot too. That rules.

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I want a Trump sex doll.
I would throw it in a Orangutan enclosure
And watch the orgy.

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Old Post 03-12-2019 12:51 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 17906

I just hope not when you're sleeping. Otherwise, you might float out onto the street and down the Colorado River and we'd never hear from you again.

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Old Post 03-13-2019 01:50 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 33950

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry, Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife all the time. I'm not getting any at my house, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology, along with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, feeling anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun and, without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text message arrived:

Damn spell-check. I meant "wifi", not "wife".

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-14-2019 07:35 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 33950

My pregnant wife sent me a selfie in a new dress and asked if it made her butt look big. I texted back NOOOO. Auto predict sent MOOOO. Please send help.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-16-2019 06:13 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 17906

The inventor of autocorrect died today.

His funfair will be hello on sundial.

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Old Post 03-17-2019 04:03 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 33950

Amen.

Attachment: e6ca34fb-61e4-49ad-811c-c9f339001439.png
This has been downloaded 10 time(s).

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-24-2019 01:09 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 33950
New military co-habitation regulations

The Pentagon has ordered that all military commanders provide female personnel with separate, private, "OFF LIMITS" quarters on all bases.

While addressing all personnel at Fort Hood, Texas, the Commanding General said, "Female sleeping quarters will be out-of-bounds for all males. Anyone caught breaking this rule will be fined $50 the first time." The General continued, "Anyone caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $150. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $500. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a Warrant Officer helicopter pilot stood up in the crowd and inquired: How much for a season pass?

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-24-2019 07:43 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 17906

A man and a woman were feeling a little frisky, so they decided to sneak off into a dark forest. After finding a good spot, they started having sex. After about 15 minutes of it, the man finally gets up and says, Damn it, I really wish I had a flashlight! The woman says, I wish you did, too youve been eating grass for the past 10 minutes!

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Old Post 03-24-2019 01:39 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Registered: Jul 2000
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Boudreaux, the smoothest talking Cajun in the Louisiana National Guard, got called up to active duty. Boudreaux's first assignment was in a military induction center. Because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

The officer in charge soon noticed that Boudreaux was getting a 99% sign-up rate for the more expensive supplemental form of GI insurance. This was remarkable, because it cost these low-income recruits $30.00 per month for the higher coverage, compared to what the government was already providing at no charge. The officer decided he'd sit in the back of the room at the next briefing and observe Boudreaux's sales pitch.

Boudreaux stood up before the latest group of inductees and said, "If you has da normal GI insurans an' you goes to Afghanistan an' gets youself killed, da govment' pays you benefishery $20,000. If you takes out da suppmental insurans, which cost you only t'irty dollars a munt, den da governmen' gots ta pay you benefishery $400,000! Now," Boudreaux concluded, "which bunch you tink da governmen gonna send ta Afghanistan first?"

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-24-2019 05:59 PM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 33950

A Mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law, Paddy, in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened, Paddy?" she asks anxiously.

"What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home .. and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."

Moments later, the mother-in-law returns with a big smile. "Paddy, there, there. I told you it must be a simple explanation and there is. She never got your email!"

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-25-2019 03:24 AM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 33950

A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath. Mom, he asked, Are these my brains?

Not yet, she replied.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-26-2019 08:54 PM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
Location: Dumbfucksville!
Posts: 17906


A mother is in the kitchen one day, preparing _dinner for the family.

Her young daughter walks in and asks her, Mommy, where do babies come from?

The mother thinks for a while before deciding she ought to be honest with her daughter. She says, Well honey, Mommy and Daddy fall in love and get married. One night they go into their bedroom, they kiss and hug, and then they have sex.

The daughter looks confused_so the mother says, That means that Daddy puts his penis in Mommys vagina. Thats how you get a baby.

The daughter thinks for a moment and then seems to understand. Then she says, Oh, I see. But the other night when I came into your room you had Daddys penis in your mouth. What do you get when you do that?

The mother replies, Jewelry, my dear. Jewelry.



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Old Post 03-27-2019 04:03 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 33950

Last year, I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 03-29-2019 07:05 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 33950

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-open new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the stores merchandise wasnt in - only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, Ill bet that any minute now, some old geezer is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what were selling.

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked intensely and rapped on the glass. In a loud voice, he asked, What are you selling here?

One of the men replied sarcastically, Were selling assholes!

Without skipping a beat, the old-timer said, Business must be great. Only two left.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 04-09-2019 06:55 AM
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