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Meena
Scarred for Life

Registered: Oct 2005
Location:
Posts: 588
Q and A: A battle of Sexes

Sorta...

Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because not one will stop and ask directions.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. Because they're practicing to be men.

Q. How do men sort their laundry?
A. "Filthy" and "Filthy but Wearable"

Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
A. They can't stand criticism.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: Because those men already have boyfriends.


Q. Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A. Because men fake foreplay.

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. Shoot him again.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. When you can just barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.


Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. One - he just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him. OR Three -one to screw in the bulb, and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. Trustworthy.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.


Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. To stop the snoring before it starts.

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need. A man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: By giving her money, furs and diamonds.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder to "instruction manuals"

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:23 AM
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wonderaz
Sarky Bastard

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Sedona, Arizona... No no Cornville!!
Posts: 21761

You go, gurrrrl!!

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:27 AM
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SocialParasite
wallet.dat is where it at

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: fuck you daaaaaaaaad
Posts: 24496

Can we get some more obnoxious animated GIFs in this thread?

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:30 AM
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DevilMoon
passive stalker?

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: zanzibar
Posts: 10594

That was chili cook-off worthy.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:30 AM
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loser
oxymoran

Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Beringia
Posts: 6194

i want owls!

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:31 AM
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Rokkr
Completely Wack

Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Somewhere Better Than Here
Posts: 16974

We need Rosh to lay down the "quit posting e-mail forwards" smack.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:40 AM
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SatansLeftHand
buttercup

Registered: Jan 2002
Location: elsewhere
Posts: 5912
Re: Q and A: A battle of Sexes

quote:
Originally posted by some tardnugget, but improved by me

Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. bitch is coy. fucking hides.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. they spend lots of time with their mothers

Q. How do men sort their laundry?
A. whites, brights, darks

Q. Why do men want to marry virgins?
A. no one is that crazy. we like to break them in, but sticking yourself with someone completely unskilled is fucking nuts.

Q. Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring and good looking?
A: they're too conceited to consider geeks an option.

Q. Do you know why women fake orgasm?
A. because they're fucking frigid.

Q. What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
A. you don't have to cover your genitals with peanut butter to get your husband to go down.

Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
A. we call it lust. you do it too.

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
A. this person is fictional. if he is by some miracle a real individual, i have no doubt he commited suicide in a prompt manner.

Q. What should you do if you see your ex-husband rolling around in pain on the ground?
A. it would really depend. some people really do have friendly divorces. it happens when the woman isn't a greedy cunt. passing rare.

Q. How can you tell when a man is well hung?
A. he has his pants off. there's not really any way other than looking.

Q. How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. one. unless it's high up, then he might ask someone to hold the ladder.

Q. What do you call a handcuffed man?
A. probably his name. possibly some pejoratives appropriate to the situation.

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A. you took his fucking nitro pills, you evil bitch.

Q. Why do female black widow spiders kill their males after mating?
A. male black widows are prone to eating their own young. it's a defense mechanism.

Q: Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
A: i have never encountered a guy who whistles while he shits.

Q: What is the difference between men and women...
A: plumbing, hormone balances, upper body strength, and brain wiring. also one important chromosome is different.

Q: How does a man keep his youth?
A: by not smearing chemical shit all over his face and hair every day.

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: ask him nicely, and don't act all suspicious about what might be in his.

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(sic)

Last edited by SatansLeftHand on 10-28-2005 at 02:50 AM

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:43 AM
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T
tiTalating Revelator...

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Behind this monitor.
Posts: 6672

quote:
Originally posted by SocialParasite
Can we get some more obnoxious animated GIFs in this thread?

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:44 AM
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Cruise Director
nobody special

Registered: Jan 2001
Location: Zion
Posts: 5016

Meena makes it so I don't have to check my hotmail accoutnt.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:47 AM
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T
tiTalating Revelator...

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Behind this monitor.
Posts: 6672

.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:50 AM
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loser
oxymoran

Registered: Dec 2004
Location: Beringia
Posts: 6194

Meena makes the room she's in smell like chowder.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:52 AM
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Cage
Shaved Sack

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Boston, MA, Center of the Universe
Posts: 4539

If Meena's a female, then we just won the battle.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:54 AM
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SocialParasite
wallet.dat is where it at

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: fuck you daaaaaaaaad
Posts: 24496

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:55 AM
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Meena
Scarred for Life

Registered: Oct 2005
Location:
Posts: 588

quote:
Originally posted by SatansLeftHand
Q. Why does it take 100,000,000 sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. bitch is coy. fucking hides.

Q. Why do little boys whine?
A. they spend lots of time with their mothers



Yawn

quote:
Originally posted by Cage
If Meena's a female, then we just won the battle.


That's right, girl. "We" won... hehe. Boys are easy!!

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Old Post 10-28-2005 03:08 AM
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SimpleSimon
Dead Horse Rider

Registered: Dec 2002
Location:
Posts: 28688

Meena, if you try really, really hard, I'd bet you can be even more banal and unimaginative. Don't bother.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 03:25 AM
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morgana
THE Bitch

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: my mother's bloody womb
Posts: 7542

Q: why was meena waiting at the parking meter all day?
A: she put a quarter in and was waiting for the gumball.

Q: why did meena put lipstick in her hair?
A: because she's so stupid she wanted to make up her mind.

Q: why are all the asylum men intimidated by meena?
A: because she's twice the man they are.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 03:54 AM
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SatansLeftHand
buttercup

Registered: Jan 2002
Location: elsewhere
Posts: 5912

it takes a man to post some shit email forward the rest of us got 3 years ago. yes indeed.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 03:56 AM
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Roshigoth
The Cheesemeister

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Myrtle Beach, SC
Posts: 18000

quote:
Originally posted by Rokkr
We need Rosh to lay down the "quit posting e-mail forwards" smack.


No, I don't think I'm necessary. At this point, Meena makes herself look like a moron without any help from me.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 04:12 AM
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Trenchant_Troll
ad hominid

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 44536

Christ.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 04:27 AM
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Coincidence
Counterfeit

Registered: Apr 2004
Location: Sun
Posts: 33004

DEATH TO MEENA!!!

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You're in the wrnght place.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 10:08 AM
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T
tiTalating Revelator...

Registered: Mar 2004
Location: Behind this monitor.
Posts: 6672

Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A...It means, you know how to satisfy your man.


But in your case, this would be my guess.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:29 PM
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slappy
slippery when happy

Registered: Aug 2000
Location:
Posts: 3102

I LOVE LAMP!

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:33 PM
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J E B Stuart
Administrator

Registered: Jul 2000
Location: Beyond Mason-Dixon Line
Posts: 33261

quote:
Originally posted by Trenchant_Troll
Christ.

What may I do for you, my son?

Amen.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 02:57 PM
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Cage
Shaved Sack

Registered: Aug 2000
Location: Boston, MA, Center of the Universe
Posts: 4539

quote:
Originally posted by Meena
That's right, girl. "We" won... hehe. Boys are easy!!


Hmmm. Here on the Asylum, that could be taken in at least 3 possible ways:

1) She's calling me a girl, essentially questioning my manliness.

2) She's playing some very clever word game whereby she thinks that quoting me exactly maintains the integrity of the quote, even though the frame of reference for the first person pronoun in the quote is changed as a result.

3) She's just dense enough to assume, from misinterpretting the context of one post, that I'm female -- in spite of the fact that there have been at least 3 references to my balls in the time she's been posting here AND my big balls avatar.

By extension of the "don't presume malice in acts that can be explained by simple incompetence" rule, I'm going with #3. We just won the rematch, too.

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Old Post 10-28-2005 03:34 PM
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DavidFlamma
.

Registered: Oct 2005
Location:
Posts: 153

quote:
Originally posted by T
Q. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

A...It means, you know how to satisfy your man.


But in your case, this would be my guess.




Haha!
I saw Meena's Av and she sure doesn't look like that pic.
But, It took a lot of gut to put your pic on the web and laugh at yourself though.
You look just as I imagined.

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