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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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I think that, with time, people's heads will be permanently bent downward.

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Old Post 06-14-2019 06:12 AM
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J E B Stuart
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quote:
Originally posted by GoFuckYourselves!
I think that, with time, people's heads will be permanently bent downward.

Heh, ever heard of “text neck?” Well, now you have.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-14-2019 03:21 PM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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A feel day for Orthopods.

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Old Post 06-16-2019 03:38 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-16-2019 05:32 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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That must be The Road Less Traveled.

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Old Post 06-16-2019 12:33 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Pot goes to pot when you got a lot o’ pot ...

I posted this in this thread because it made me laugh 😆:

SALEM — Oregon is awash in pot, glutted with so much legal weed that if growing were to stop today, it could take more than six years by one estimate to smoke or eat it all. ...

The rest of the pot is here.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 06-24-2019 09:22 PM
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fubar
mud falcon

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Last eye witness...

JWB messes with Lincoln's mind...

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Old Post 06-30-2019 04:34 PM
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J E B Stuart
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That jackass wonderaz was supposed to work at Ford Theatre that evening, but he was back in the pokey.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 07-03-2019 06:58 PM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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He stole the box-office money and tried to get away in a balloon.

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Old Post 07-05-2019 02:54 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 07-06-2019 02:50 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Well? Whatchu lookin’ at?

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 08-03-2019 10:46 AM
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J E B Stuart
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A buddy was braggin’ that he’d had sex with his teacher. I thought that was pretty cool until I found out he was home schooled.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 08-04-2019 12:51 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 08-04-2019 06:40 PM
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J E B Stuart
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This one’s for you, Herk ~

The classroom was full of pregnant women with their partners. The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to properly help and support their partners during the pregnancy.

She said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is very good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just make frequent stops and stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

She then turned her attention to the men in the room and said, "Gentlemen, remember -- You are in this together! It will not hurt you to go walking with her.”

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information. Then, a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

"Yes?”, asked the instructor.

"I was just wondering if it would be okay for her to carry a golf bag while we walk?”

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 08-05-2019 05:52 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
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Posts: 18521

HAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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Old Post 08-05-2019 07:41 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 08-10-2019 03:45 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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Now he sees double.

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Old Post 08-10-2019 06:10 PM
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J E B Stuart
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A man and his wife were awakened at 3am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

“Not a chance!” says the husband. “It’s 3am, for Chrissake!” With that, he slams the door and returns to bed.

“Who was that?” asked his wife.

“Just some drunk guy asking for a push,” he answers.

“Did you help him?”

“No, I did not. It is 3am and pouring rain!”

“Well, you have a short memory,” his wife retorts. “Can’t you remember about three months go when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself. God loves drunk people too.”

Duly shamed, husband gets back up, gets dressed and goes into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, “Hello, are you still there?”

“Yes,” comes back the answer.

“Do you still need a push?” calls out the husband.

“Yes, please,” comes the reply from the dark.

“Where are you?” asks the husband.

“Over here on the swing set.” replies the drunk.

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 08-12-2019 05:36 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

Registered: Oct 2000
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John was the cop in a small town where everyone knew each other. One night, during his night patrol, he spotted the town drunk walking down the street looking like he was up to no good.

“Hey!” said John, rolling down his window. “Your not heading for any trouble, are you?”

“No sir!” responded the drunkard with a big smile, “I’m heading to a lecture!”

A lecture?! thought the cop incredulously. "At 1_am!?" This I gotta see!

After following him for a few blocks, John was surprised to see him going into his house.

“Hey!” John screamed out his window. “I thought you were heading to a lecture?!”

The drunkard just held his index finger and headed inside. Sure enough within a minute John heard the lecture loud and clear through the upstairs window, “JUST WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING OUT ALL THIS TIME YOU NASTY_GOOD-FOR-NOTHING…”

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Old Post 08-12-2019 06:58 AM
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J E B Stuart
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A Jewish grandmother is giving directions to her grown grandson, who is coming with his new wife to visit

"You come to the front door of the apartment. I am in apartment 301. There is a big panel at the front door. With your elbow, push button 301. I will then buzz you in. When you come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in the elevator and, with your elbow, push 3. When it stops, you get out and I'm on the left. So, your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma? That sounds easy, but why am I hitting all those buttons with my elbow?”

"Whaaat?! You’re coming empty handed?"

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 08-13-2019 06:31 AM
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J E B Stuart
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Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 08-18-2019 08:13 AM
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GoFuckYourselves!
#1 Asylum Dumbfuck!

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Sam shows up at a revival meeting, seeking help.

"I need you to pray for my hearing," he tells the preacher.

The preacher puts his fingers on Sam’s ears and prays and prays. When he’s done, he asks, "How’s your hearing now?"

"I don’t know," says Sam. "I don’t go to court till next Tuesday."

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Old Post 08-18-2019 07:31 PM
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J E B Stuart
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A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary. As they reflected upon that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, “When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?”

Hubby replied, “All I wanted to do was to fuck your brains out, and suck your tits dry.”

Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, “What are you thinking now?”

He replied, “Looks like I did a pretty good job.”

Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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Old Post 08-18-2019 07:43 PM
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J E B Stuart
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Amen.

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" Future years will never know the seething hell and the black infernal background of countless minor scenes and interiors, (not the official surface courteousness of the Generals, not the few great battles) of the Secession war; and it is best they should not�the real war will never get in the books." ~ Walt Whitman

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